


Forever

by Branwen_Blaidd, Dusty



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Angst, Bad Decisions, But it's Torchwood so you should be here for the dark, Dark, Dubious Consent, Heroism, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pre Children of Earth, Rape/Non-con Elements, This is a love story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-22
Updated: 2019-12-18
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:09:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 31
Words: 52,837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21516568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Branwen_Blaidd/pseuds/Branwen_Blaidd, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dusty/pseuds/Dusty
Summary: Set after Exit Wounds and Journey’s End, no one is coping with recent tragic events. In an attempt to bring the team back to unity and strength, Ianto makes a decision that will change the fate of Torchwood, and the world, Forever.
Relationships: Jack Harkness/Ianto Jones
Comments: 45
Kudos: 105





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story was originally posted on LJ by the two authors and is now making its debut on AO3.

_Jack breathed in deeply. That smell. Incense or something. It got inside him, invaded his lungs. His skin tingled as it drifted over him. He let out a long breath and tried to keep a clear head._

_She was watching him._

_He smiled at her. ‘Hey,’ he said, trying to keep it light. She **never** sent for him like this. Something must be wrong. _

_‘You were right about the glove,’ he said. ‘But I don’t regret it. At least we’ve got Owen back.’_

_She looked back at him, those eyes impossibly wide and almost frightening. Jack shifted. Something was making him uncomfortable._

_‘Sit down,’ she said._

_He sat. There was no other choice._

_She turned over her cards, slowly; her wide eyes seeing something he didn’t._

_‘There is danger,’ she said._

_‘What danger?’ Jack demanded._

_She took her own time. Nobody could rush her. Not even Jack._

_She turned another card over and Jack got the impression of red, overwhelming red._

_There was a long silence before she spoke. ‘You must offer yourself,’ she said. ‘Only love will make him safe.’_

_Jack asked who ‘he’ was, asked how love could save him, what the danger was. But she would not say. She would not give him a single response and Jack was left to mull things over._

_He went home. Ianto was there, sleeping in Jack’s bed. Jack smiled as he gazed down at his beautiful boy. His Ianto. His solid, dependable Ianto. Always there._

_Jack’s smile turned sad. Always there until the day came when he would be taken away. Jack undressed and got into bed, tugging Ianto into his arms. Ianto snuggled in, cuddling close and sighing contentedly._

_Jack held him tight. He wanted to give himself to Ianto. He wanted to love him completely, declare it to him. But in giving himself, he’d lose himself. Ianto would take it away when it died. They could never be together forever. Jack was forever. But Ianto wasn’t. And he never would be._

‘The end is where we start from,’ Jack had said. But to Ianto, it didn’t feel like an ending or a beginning. Just a weird place where everything felt wrong. It wasn’t just losing them. They’d lost parts of themselves, too. He would never be able to smile at Tosh again or bitch at Owen. His brother and sister in so many ways.

And now the rest of his family, Gwen and Jack, was different. Bereft. Hurt. Angry. Fragmented. Broken into tiny pieces and abandoned. Everyone and everything had changed. For good. Except him. He was the same. He would stay the same. He wouldn’t change _._ He _refused_. 

He tried not to, but he couldn’t help but imagine that Torchwood would have been better off if it were him who had died. Torchwood needed its medic. It needed its technician. Ianto was starting to believe that the only thing he could offer Torchwood, the only thing he could offer Jack, was another corpse at the end of a mission. Just an office boy with a gun.

He pushed those thoughts away and tried to think rationally. He knew he was more than that. He knew it. He turned and looked at Jack who was on the phone speaking to, no, yelling, at the Police Department.

Jack glanced up to see Ianto watching him. He was red in the face and became even more flustered by Ianto’s gaze. Ianto looked away and tried to focus on his paper work.

A few minutes went by until there was a loud crash. Jack had swung out of his office, slamming the door behind him.

‘Something I can help you with, Ianto?’ he spat.

‘Erm, no,’ replied Ianto, uncertainly.

‘You seemed very interested in my conversation.’ Jack’s voice was still raised, wired from his shouting match on the telephone.

‘I heard shouting,’ said Ianto, calmly. ‘I looked up to see what was going on.’

Jack pursed his lips. ‘If you have something to say about the way I conduct my business…’

‘I…I didn’t say anything,’ said Ianto, fairly bewildered, but trying to remain rational in the face of Jack’s vicious mood.

Jack paced, scowling at everything in sight. He growled and plonked himself down in the nearest chair and put his head in his hands. There was silence.

Finally, Ianto found enough courage to speak. ‘Anything I can do, cariad?’ he whispered.

Jack, exasperated, looked up. ‘Like what, Ianto?’

Ianto fell silent. Not looking at Jack, he picked up his files and returned to the archives.

It was two hours before Ianto saw Jack again. He was working quietly in the archives when he realised that Jack was hovering behind him.

‘I’m sorry,’ said Jack.

‘For?’ prompted Ianto. He didn’t look up or stop what he was doing. He could feel Jack squirming.

‘I’m just….I’m sorry.’

Ianto turned around. Jack looked strained.

‘I didn’t mean to take it out on you. I’m sorry.’

It was certainly a heartfelt apology but Ianto felt sure he’d take more comfort in it if he _knew_ it wouldn’t happen again. The thing was, it had been happening all week and showed no signs of easing up.

But Jack needed forgiveness. And Ianto needed to be held. He went to Jack, took him in his arms and held him close. Jack buried his face in Ianto’s neck and clung onto him. They stayed still in each other’s arms for several minutes; no words, no tears, just each other.

The next day Jack was a little better. But Ianto felt himself drifting further and further away. Jack was pushing him away. There was panic deep inside Ianto, spreading all over his body. The loss all around and within him and now even his most precious thing seemed to be beyond his grasp. Jack was angry with him. For being mortal.

That afternoon, ‘emotionally explosive’ Jack was replaced with ‘machine’ Jack. He was efficient and completely calm but utterly detached. Ianto watched him. He was nervous of being accused of scrutinising him but his deep concern overran that. How many times this had happened to Jack? How many times had he lost his colleagues, his friends, his lovers?

Ianto’s heart and mind filled with fear. Fear that all he represented to Jack now was more pain. Another human entanglement. And however hard he tried, he couldn’t help but think that Jack would rather have had a more useful member of team survive. Someone stronger, someone better. And it was getting harder and harder to push those thoughts away.

He closed his eyes. Usually, he’d go to Jack when feeling like this. Usually, Jack helped him. They helped each other. But every time he looked at Jack, all he could see were the fragments of him. And this time, Ianto knew he was part of the problem and he felt completely helpless.

Later that afternoon, Jack invited Ianto into his office for coffee and biscuits, out of routine more than anything else. Gwen was researching something with Rhys, spending more and more time away from the Hub. Ianto was starting to feel jealous of her escape route.

They sipped strong coffee and munched chocolate biscuits, neither of them saying what they needed to say. Any real feelings, beyond enjoyment of the biscuits, were not discussed. It was pleasant chatter. Small talk. Saying anything, everything they could just to cover that awful gaping void of grief. But Jack was coping at least. Ianto just smiled and swallowed down his pain along with the coffee.

But at that moment, he got stuck. A part of him had frozen over and he couldn’t crack into it again.

It was late at night. Ianto lay in bed with Jack beside him. Ianto felt rigid, solid, stiff. And terrified.

Jack rolled over. ‘What’s wrong?’ he whispered.

‘Can’t sleep.’

The sheets rustled as Jack put his arms around him. ‘Me neither.’

Silence. The air felt heavy around them.

‘I miss them,’ Ianto croaked

Silence. No answer. Even the breathing seemed to stop.

‘Don’t you?’

There was a pause and Jack swallowed. ‘Yeah.’ His voice was strained.

‘Jack?’

Silence.

‘How do you do this?’

‘Do what?’ Impatience edged Jack’s voice.

‘Cope? You must have seen so many people die. How _do_ you do it?’

He tightened his hold on Ianto. ‘I don’t know. I just have to.’

Silence. The dark pressed down on them. Forcing them together. But the words stayed stuck.

Jack kissed Ianto on the top of his head. ‘Go to sleep.’

‘Can’t sleep.’

‘Try.’

‘You’re not going to sleep any time soon either. Why don’t we talk about it?’

‘Go to sleep, Ianto,’ said Jack firmly, as if to an over-active child.

Silence. Cold this time.

‘Fine,’ murmured Ianto after a long moment.

He lay, quietly fuming, but determined to sleep. He was finally beginning to relax into a slumber when he felt Jack loosen his grip and slip out from behind him. He heard him make his ascent up through the hatch and slam a door. And then there was nothing.


	2. Chapter 2

Another stale morning. Ianto had been asleep for around two hours and awoke with his head heavy. There he was. Ianto Jones in Jack’s bunk, in the Hub of Torchwood Three. Alone.

Then he remembered. Everything. His head throbbed and he got out of bed, pulling on his suit from the day before and not caring in the least.

He climbed up the ladder. There he was. Jack, asleep on the sofa underneath his coat.

Ianto felt wretched. This had never happened before. They’d always shared the bed. _Always_. But last night, Jack had wanted, needed to get away from him. Ianto felt like poison. Poison to the person who meant the most in the world to him. Fighting back the well of emotion threatening to engulf him, he walked steadily towards Jack and crouched down.

He stroked his face and Jack jerked awake.

‘It’s okay,’ said Ianto. ‘It’s only me. It’s six am.’

Jack rubbed his eyes and yawned. ‘Then why’d you wake me? It’s early.’

Ianto frowned. ‘You said last night you wanted to be up at six because of…’

‘Yeah,’ interrupted Jack, none too gently. ‘But I haven’t exactly slept well, have I?’

Ianto froze. He couldn’t say a word. He was certain that if he opened his mouth he would scream, descend into desperate sobs, or die. Jack flung his coat aside and stood up, ignoring Ianto completely.

‘I need some air,’ he spat. ‘I need some fucking space! Don’t you dare follow me.’ And with that he walked out of the cog door in just his shirt and trousers.

Ianto wished the world could just end right then and there would be no more pain. Though there was still a small voice in his mind telling him this would pass. But it felt _unending_. His head throbbed as all the feelings inside him surged and overtook him. Overwhelmed by helplessness, and startled by the power of his feelings, he burst into tears.

He paced around the Hub as he wept; no comfort to be had. His _everything_ had walked out on him. His world was falling apart, the seams of his life snapping away. He felt so weak, weaker than he’d ever felt in his entire life. His body ached as the tears subsided and he found himself in front of the sofa, gazing at Jack’s coat.

Exhausted, he crumbled where he stood and crawled up on to the couch. He didn’t have an ounce of strength left and he let himself sink into the cushions. He shivered, cold and alone. He reached out and pulled Jack’s coat over him, snuggling into that warm, familiar fabric, rough but soft against his cheek. And then he did the only thing he could remember how to do. He slept.

Jack stood on the roof, the highest thing around and gazed over the quiet, familiar city. He was immune to the cold morning air. He could sense the dawn approaching as the fresh smell of morning crept into his nostrils. So many things had come and gone, and in his world of failing constancy, he allowed the elements to comfort him.

‘Daylight is good at arriving at the right time,’ he whispered, listening to the rumble of his voice in his chest. ‘All things must pass.’ He repeated it like a mantra as he blinked tears from his eyes. He looked up at the stars as they began to fade into sunrise.

‘All things must come to dust. All things.’

His heart ached as the world around him brightened. Roads and streets became busier. Birds sang merrily, filling the air with the joy of morning. Jack stood, as a statue, watching it all rush around him.

‘They were too **young** ,’ he said suddenly. He clenched his fists but his strength was gone. His legs buckled as he gave and let _everything_ explode out of him. He found himself on the floor, sobbing. No one could hear him up here. No one could hear the Captain cry. The Leader. The Father. The man who couldn’t die. But he was also the man who couldn’t save their lives; who couldn’t sacrifice his own life for theirs; who couldn’t protect them, not even from his own brother.

For a moment, he thought that if he wanted it enough, maybe this time he would die. If he let go. He was so near to the edge. Maybe this time. Maybe.

But he couldn’t move. Pulsing with fury, yet weak. Powerless.

He shuffled as close as he could to the edge. People were walking below. Oblivious. They didn’t know Owen or Tosh. They didn’t know how they’d saved their lives. They didn’t know of Owen’s sarcasm or Tosh’s beautiful smile. They didn’t know their genius, their friendship. They didn’t care that they were dead, Jack’s friends, Jack’s team.

All gone now. So those ordinary people can live their lives; can walk across the Plass in the morning on their way to work, can drink coffee; take lunch; laugh and complain. Jack tried to remember when he’d lived like that. The memory would not come. He must have once been that young, that sheltered and innocent. Once. Long ago.

‘All things must pass.’ A breeze caressed his cheek. It was colder than before. He remembered Ianto and shivered.

Gwen was late. Since that day, every morning had hit her hard. She’d wake and, for a wonderful moment all was peaceful. But then the horrible realisation of loss caught her and she could hardly bear the thought of going into work.

There was a constant pounding ache in her chest. When she was with Jack, she just wanted to get out, away from Torchwood. When she was with Rhys she needed to be with her colleagues, to share the burden of grief.

The hardest thing was staying still, as though she were a wild animal in pain. She had to keep moving. It wasn’t safe to let go, wasn’t safe to stop and tend to herself.

She drove around the bay for far longer than necessary, in order to avoid actually arriving anywhere, avoid feeling anything. But now it had become unavoidable. And she was late.

Jack would yell at her. He’d had been ill-tempered lately and even Ianto couldn’t calm him down.

Ianto had always been utterly dependable. Steady. Calm. In control. But his eyes gave him away.

Gwen didn’t like to think about it. She would just scream and shout and cry when she needed to, with Jack yelling at anything and everything. At least _something_ was getting out.

But Ianto remained silently sorrowful. It was that silence that met her when she entered the hub.

She peered around. The hub was still dark. None of the computers were switched on and there was no coffee waiting, no cheerful morning donuts.

‘Jack? Ianto?’ she called out. There was no response.

Then she saw the dark shape on the couch. She switched on the nearest desk lamp and saw it was Ianto, lying on the couch sleeping in the same suit he’d worn the day before. He was curled up with Jack’s coat clutched in his hands.

She knelt down beside him and touched his shoulder. ‘Ianto,’ she whispered.

Slowly, Ianto stirred, opening his red-rimmed eyes and peering up at her. He looked white with exhaustion and he’d clearly been crying at some point in the night.

He sat up, still clutching Jack’s coat. ‘Where’s Jack?’ he asked, his voice raspy.

‘I was going to ask you the same thing.’

‘He…he went off somewhere. He was furious. He said not to follow him.’

‘Did you have a fight?’

‘No. Not exactly. He just got…upset. What time is it?’

Gwen checked her watch. ‘Half nine.’

‘Fuck.’ Ianto pushed himself up from the sofa and started making for the door. ‘We’ve got to go and find him.’

‘Ianto, wait,’ Gwen said, taking hold of his arm and holding him back. Ianto was too weak to struggle. ‘You need to get changed and have something to eat before we go anywhere.’

‘Don’t fucking mother me!’ Ianto yelled.

Gwen pulled back, shocked. Ianto _never_ yelled.

Ianto blinked furiously and Gwen could see him drawing himself back in, pushing everything down. ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to shout. I just…want to make sure he’s okay.’

‘I know.’ She rubbed his back affectionately. ‘He’ll be all right, wherever he is. Go and get changed, we’ll have something to eat and then we’ll go and find him, all right?’

Ianto made a face but did as she said, taking Jack’s coat with him and hanging it up. Gwen watched him. Ianto had always thought about others before himself, _if_ he thought of himself at all. It wasn’t healthy.

She found one of Ianto’s ready made protein drinks and poured it into a glass for him. She knew he had trouble eating anything solid in the morning.

When he reappeared, he’d showered and put on a clean suit. He still looked distracted but took the protein drink out of her hands with an appreciative smile.

He drank it more quickly than Gwen had ever seen, then banged it down on the counter. ‘Right, let’s go and find Jack.’

He walked from the little kitchen area and back into the main hub. She followed him but suddenly stopped.

Jack was standing in the middle of the hub and Ianto was standing opposite him, frozen to the spot.

Jack’s hands were in his pockets and his eyes were on the floor. He was shivering and pale.

Gwen stepped forwards. ‘Jack, where have you been? We were worried.’

Jack didn’t say anything. Ianto’s fists clenched and unclenched several times.

‘You went off,’ murmured Ianto in a small voice.

‘I’m sorry,’ said Jack. He sounded like he was going to cry and like he already had been.

‘Where did you go?’

‘Usual place.’

Ianto nodded and swallowed hard. He reached out to Jack, took his hand and pulled him close. ‘Come on. Let’s get you warm.’

Ianto tried to lead Jack to his quarters but Jack pulled back. ‘No,’ he said in a suddenly hard voice. ‘No, I don’t want to go down there.’ Jack was almost shouting and tugging back hard on Ianto’s arm.

Ianto stopped. He looked so worn out, like he just couldn’t deal with Jack all by himself. Ianto opened and closed his mouth several times, then sighed, looking completely lost. Gwen just wanted to wrap her arms around the boy and soothe him. But Ianto wasn’t the type to allow that.

‘What do you want, Jack?’

‘Nothing you can give me,’ Jack murmured, glaring at the floor. Gwen looked on, frightened by the apparent fracture between the two usually solid men.

‘Tell me,’ commanded Ianto softly.

Jack glanced up at him, chewing his lip. ‘I don’t want to have to lose my friends anyone.’

Ianto held his gaze for a long moment and Gwen began to feel uncomfortable. Then Ianto sighed and looked away

‘I’ve always wanted to give you what you want, Jack,’ he said.

Gwen looked from man to man, edging away slightly. ‘I’ll be…in the other room, boys,’ she said softly before making a swift exit. Neither of them watched her leave.

Ianto approached Jack and gingerly extended his hand to caress Jack’s cheek. Jack flinched and Ianto felt something inside him break. He could feel the vast gulf between them. Ianto swallowed the hurt rising up ready to choke him and tried again, placing his warm hand firmly on Jack’s face as it crumpled. For a brief moment, Jack leant into the touch, bringing his hand up to where Ianto’s was now brushing away his tears. But then he straightened, clearing his throat, turned to stone once more.

‘I could use a coffee,’ he croaked. He stared at the floor. Ianto didn’t speak, just silently went to the kitchen and began to make coffee.

Ianto glared at the coffee machine as if it should provide all the answers but was holding out on him. Seeing Jack like this was a torture. Ianto had lived through pain, through loss but this…watching Jack, _Jack_ , suffer like this… It was unbearable.

Anger swelled up inside him as the truth of Jack hit home. Jack was destined to lose people. Forever. The bitter taste of helplessness stung Ianto’s mouth as his fist clenched around the tea-towel. There had to be something he could do for Jack. Anything. He couldn’t be alone for his entire life; for forever.


	3. Chapter 3

Jack couldn’t get a minute of peace. Now Gwen was having a go at him. Jack gritted his teeth as she went on at him.

‘So instead of facing his mortality, you’re going to push him away now so you don’t have to lose him later? Is that it, Jack?’

‘Leave it, Gwen,’ Jack growled. ‘I’m not in the mood for this.’

She remained resolute. ‘No. I won’t let you do this, Jack. Not to him, not to yourself.’

‘You don’t know anything, Gwen. You don’t know what’s it’s like for me. I’ve lost too much now. I can’t go through it anymore.’

‘I know, Jack. And I wish I could get you out of it. But right here, right now, you have someone to love.’

‘GET OUT!’ Jack screamed. ‘You don’t know how hard this is so stop telling me to just be okay! You don’t know what it’s like to have to live with this forever! This is it! This is what forever is going to be like for me; losing people all the fucking time. Well, I’m sick of it! I don’t want…’

It was then he noticed Ianto behind her, holding his coffee. ‘Ianto, I…’

‘I don’t think you need this coffee, do you?’ Ianto said coolly.

Jack folded his arms across his chest. ‘What do you mean?’ His voice was distant, wary.

Ianto put the coffee down on the nearest surface. ‘You’ve been out for hours.’

‘So?’

‘You’ve not slept properly for days.’

‘So?’

‘So, you’re exhausted and you can’t think straight. Go and have a nap.’

Jack opened his mouth to argue but Ianto talked over him. ‘We’ll call you if anything happens. Not even you can function properly without sleep.’

Jack gazed down at the floor and nodded, before turning away and going down to his quarters. Ianto turned to Gwen, who was staring at him open-mouthed.

‘He…still listens to you then,’ she said.

Ianto shrugged. ‘When he knows I’m right.’ He straightened his tie, took a deep breath and strode towards the main door. ‘If he asks where I am, tell him I’ve gone for donuts. There’s coffee if you want it.’

‘Hey, wait. Ianto, where are you really going?’

‘Just…out. I’ll try not to be long.’

Gwen watched him go, feeling utterly and completely helpless. She grabbed the discarded mug and took a sip, wincing at the bitter taste of Jack’s ultra strong coffee. She was lost, utterly lost, but so were all three of them and she didn’t know what to do.

Ianto knew just what he was going to do. Jack had always said that if there was something he needed, something impossible, there was only one person to go to. Ianto had never been there before but he knew exactly how to get there.

It was bright and sunny outside and when he finally stepped inside the red velvet draped room, his eyes took several seconds to adjust to the light, or lack of it. It was so dark; he could barely even see his own hands in front of his face.

‘Hello?’ he called out. ‘Anyone there?’

‘I saw you coming,’ said the soft young voice he’d been expecting. ‘Did Jack send you?’

‘No. I’ve come to ask a favour.’

‘I know.’ A light came on and Ianto could see the young girl’s face, as young as she had been for centuries, unchanging, just as he would be.

Her large eyes took him in, then she smiled. Her serious face looked strange wearing a smile. ‘You want it so much,’ she said, gently. ‘Are you prepared to accept the consequences?’

‘Yes. For Jack. I’ll do anything for Jack.’

_Jack was warm and cosy. Peace settled inside his tummy. He lay in his bed with Ianto in his arms and they whispered in each other’s ears. They were giggling. No worries, no imminent apocalypse, no sorrow. Nothing but him and Ianto together, their fingers lacing easily. Ianto pressed soft kisses to Jack’s neck. Jack turned into him and snuggled into Ianto’s chest._

_‘I love this,’ whispered Ianto, his breath gracing Jack’s hair._

_An easy smile spread across Jack’s face as they cuddled, pressing close against each other’s familiar bodies. Nothing could find them here. They were safe in their own private universe. Their naked bodies held each other close and they were as intimate as they could be. Jack listened to Ianto’s breathing, slow and regular. It comforted him._

_Then there was silence. Jack opened his eyes and looked up._

_Ianto’s naked body was ashen, like he’d been drained of blood and of life. Jack sat up and looked properly. He caught some movement in the corner of his eye. An arm swung. A dagger plunged into Ianto’s heart and he jerked, then lay still. Jack turned to look at the attacker. It was Gray. Jack screamed and turned to Ianto, but his body was already dissolving, melting into the mattress, his blood spilling on Jack’s bare skin._

_Jack was standing alone in Cathays Cemetery. His eyes wandered over the headstone bearing Ianto’s name. Twenty five years old. His heart thudded, then died, the silence echoing in Jack’s chest. It was all over._

_It was future day. The sun shone brightly into Jack’s eyes as he walked, strolled along the quay side at Cardiff Bay. And next to him was Ianto, nothing but a silvery impression. An echo. A ghost. But he was walking with him. And it felt entirely right. The ghost walked by Jack’s side as if he’d always been there and always would; protecting him forever._

_It’s too late,’ said Jack, eyes stinging with tears. ‘I’ve should have held you closer.’_

_Ianto’s echo gave him a sad smile. Jack felt the cold wrap around him as he gazed out across the bay. The sun faded away. It was night and the stony moon glared at Cardiff. Suddenly, the ocean was rising, higher and higher in a great arched wave, splashing and spilling with a great roar onto the quay side. But it wasn’t water. It was blood._

_The ghost stood by Jack’s side, a silent shadow._

Jack woke with a yell, disorientated and confused. He reached out for Ianto. He needed comfort. He needed to pull that warm familiar body against him and breathe in his scent, be reassured by Ianto’s calm, steady presence.

But Ianto wasn’t there. Jack suppressed a whimper as his hand fell on his empty bed. He remembered their fight. They’d had so many fights recently and it was Jack’s fault. Jack knew that. It wasn’t right. It wasn’t fair on Ianto. Jack knew he had said hurtful things. Last night had been the worst.

Jack stretched and stood. He felt like he’d been sleeping for days. He straightened his clothes, then climbed his ladder and returned to his office. He glanced at the monitor behind his desk. The screen showed the area just outside of the hub. It was rather dark. The contrast must be wrong. He’d have to get Tosh…No, Ianto would have to look at it.

Jack went through to the main area and there was Gwen, sitting on the couch with her chin resting on her knees. She chewed her lip and gazed into space, worrying.

‘Hey, what’s going on? Where’s Ianto?’

Gwen looked up. ‘Jack! You’re awake! I was going to come and get you.’

‘Where’s Ianto?’ Jack asked, peering around the hub.

Gwen stood. ‘He…went out. When you went for a nap. He…he said he was going for donuts but he’s been gone ages.’

‘What time is it?’

‘Half seven.’

‘At night?’ Jack tore over to the nearest screen and opened the CCTV window. ‘Where the hell can he be? It was mid-morning when I went to sleep. You should have woken me.’

‘I’m sorry but…’

‘Never mind. We’ve just got to find him now,’ Jack snapped, tapping furiously on the screen.

The cog door rolled open. Jack looked up and Gwen spun around. Ianto stepped inside, looking calm and even.

‘Ianto, where have you been?’ Jack demanded.

‘I had some things to do,’ Ianto said, his voice calm. ‘I’m sorry I’m so late.’

Jack stepped closer. ‘That’s all right. I wanted…to apologise about before…’ he began.

Only, as he stepped closer, he noticed that Ianto was a hell of a lot paler than usual. His skin was almost white and his eyes seemed brighter. Had they changed colour since that morning? No, it was impossible. But still, they seemed… _stronger_ than they had before. Jack was sure they used to be a sort of pale, grey-blue. But now…they were almost silver. No. They _were_ silver.

His cheekbones seemed all the more defined, like snowy peaks on that white face. He seemed taller but as Jack stepped up to him, he could see he was still level with Jack.

Jack put his hand on Ianto’s shoulder, expecting him to soften under the caress like he always did. But he didn’t. He remained stiff and strong.

‘Ianto, are you…all right?’ he asked, feeling Gwen watching them warily.

Ianto smiled slowly and Jack had the sudden urge to back away but he didn’t. He kept looking into those silvery eyes, captivated by them and by Ianto himself.

‘I’m fine, thank you, Jack,’ Ianto said, evenly. His head snapped towards Gwen. ‘It’s getting late, Gwen,’ he said and his eyes seemed brighter, almost dangerous. ‘You should be getting home to Rhys.’

There was something about the tone of his voice which made Gwen want to obey.

‘Oh, yes. Of course. I’ll…see you tomorrow then,’ she said and, rather dazed, made her way out of the hub.

Ianto looked at Jack. ‘Let’s go to bed.’


	4. Chapter 4

Jack felt deeply uncomfortable. There was a silent ringing in the air. Was it his guilt? Was he in trouble? Ianto seemed distant. He wanted to make it better. Make it okay again. After all, he’d created that distance in the first place.

He climbed down the ladder to his compact sleeping quarters to find Ianto already lying in bed. He was lost in thought and paid no attention to Jack’s arrival.

Jack sat gingerly on the bed. He was going to have to do some grovelling. Feeling small and rather like a naughty child, he reached over and placed his warm hand on Ianto’s.

Ianto turned to look at him, expressionless and silent.

‘I’m sorry,’ said Jack in a hoarse whisper. He cleared his throat and hung his head. Then he looked up again, making eye contact with Ianto.

‘I’m sorry.’ It was more definite this time. ‘I shouldn’t have spoken to you like that today.’

He looked down again. ‘I’ve been… a nightmare, I guess. Taking it out on you when you’re the one thing I lo…’ His voice broke. He cleared his throat once more.

‘Please forgive me.’ His eyes pleaded with the still, cold eyes of Ianto.

Still nonchalant, Ianto took Jack’s hand in his and squeezed it tight. Then he smiled gently.

‘You’ve been pretty unbearable, Jack.’

Jack looked like a whipped puppy for a moment before breaking into a brave smile.

‘I know,’ he conceded. ‘I’m sorry for arguing with you. I just feel so angry all the time. But I won’t let it get on top of me again. I promise. I… I need you.’

Ianto’s smile broadened. ‘Glad to hear it.’

Jack smiled back at him. His other hand fiddled with a bobble on the sheet.

‘So am I forgiven?’ He was still squirming a little.

Ianto’s smile faded a little and his eyes seemed moist. Then he leaned into Jack and kissed him tenderly on the lips.

Jack felt forgiveness wash over him as if he was stepping into a hot bath after playing in the snow. They melted into an embrace and Ianto held him tightly.

‘I’m sorry,’ said Jack, once more.

‘I know,’ said Ianto with a laugh as they moved apart. ‘It’s okay Jack. You’re not in trouble.’ He brought his hand up and stroked Jack’s cheek.

Jack gave a grin. ‘Oh goody,’ he said. ‘I don’t like being in trouble. Well, not _proper_ trouble anyway.’

‘Get into bed,’ said Ianto, gently.

Ten minutes later they lay spooned together, Jack surrounding Ianto who seemed to be asleep already. Jack stared up at the ceiling. He’d hurt him. He knew it. Maybe compromised the trust between them somehow, by lashing out at him with his words. And Ianto was definitely different. He was so far away.

Jack tried to sleep but the air worried around him. He held on tighter to Ianto and kissed his neck. To his surprise, this was met with a contented moan.

‘You’re awake?’ asked Jack.

‘How could I sleep, Jack?’ Ianto said with a smirk. ‘I can bloody hear you worrying.’

Jack pouted. 

‘And now I can hear you pouting.’

Jack pouted a bit more. Ianto turned around to face Jack.

_How can someone so old look so helpless and young_ , wondered Ianto as he regarded Jack. He looked like a frightened little boy.

‘I told you you’re not in trouble,’ said Ianto with a twinkle in his eye.

Jack swallowed. ‘So why are you still angry?’ He seemed afraid to ask. Nervous, even.

Ianto sighed. ‘You pushed me away. You made me feel inadequate. You yelled at me. You showed no regard for the fact we’re all grieving and trying to cope.’

Jack felt himself shrinking into the mattress.

‘In short, Jack,’ continued Ianto, ‘You’ve been grieving. And yes, taking it out on me.’

Jack gazed at him, blinking away his tears.

‘So just give me a little time to adjust, because where we should have been solid, _you_ put in a divide, and I need to know I have the personal resources to cope without you should you do it again.’

‘But I won’t do it again!’ blurted out Jack urgently.

‘Jack,’ said Ianto sternly. ‘You don’t know that. It’s not like you at all. But perhaps you’ve felt you can’t turn to me because one day I’ll leave too.’

Jack was crying silently now. He buried his face in Ianto’s chest. Clever, loyal Ianto. Clearing up his mess. Again.

‘But I’m not leaving, Jack,’ said Ianto. His voice was low and assured. He stroked Jack’s hair. ‘So next time you’re having a bad day, you come here. To me. No arguments.’

Jack sniffed. ‘’Kay,’ he said weakly.

Ianto kissed his head. ‘Good boy,’ he smiled.

Jack scowled into Ianto’s chest. ‘I’m not a boy,’ he mumbled. ‘I’m a hero of the Universe.’

‘Yeah, yeah,’ said Ianto softly, kissing his head again. Jack looked up at him and grinned, his face blotchy and tear-stained.

Maybe it was the light. Ianto looked ghostly. But he seemed strong. Vibrant. Solid. Jack suddenly felt _sure_ he could depend on him.

‘I’m sorry,’ he murmured.

‘Oh for God’s sake!’ said Ianto. ‘Stop saying that.’

‘Well stop being so strict!’ said Jack. ‘You’re making me feel…’

‘What?’ asked Ianto.

‘Young,’ said Jack, confusion on his face. ‘ _Little_.’

Ianto kissed him on the lips again.

‘Perhaps you’re confusing your longevity with the irrepressible youth of your spirit,’ he suggested with a raised eyebrow.

‘Huh?’ questioned Jack, thinking it was too late at night for so many long words.

‘No matter how old you get, Jack, you will always have something of the boy about you.’ Ianto’s voice was becoming seductive. He continued to stroke Jack’s hair.

Jack allowed himself to relax into Ianto, feeling cared for and protected. Only hours ago it was he who was trying to protect Ianto. This young man. His boy. He’d pushed him away, tried to save him. As if by magic, their roles had reversed. It felt good. His body became heavy. If only for one night he could relax into strong arms. He could be a frightened boy, because no one would see.

Ianto held him tighter and their breath mingled.

‘I’ve got you,’ he rasped. His cool hands ran over Jack’s body. Their lips found each other. Their eyes drifted closed.

Sleepily, peacefully, they gently rocked together as their kiss deepened. Jack tasted the comfort and power of Ianto and suddenly, the fear of the future was gone. There was no future. Only now.

Minutes went by. Fingertips graced over hot skin and reassurance filled every moment.

Jack ran his hands over Ianto’s back, pulling him in closer and sighing at the contact. His skin felt smooth and cool against him. They moved so slowly, steadily, yet intensely against each other. They took time to enjoy their kiss, to feel each nerve awaken in places they’d forgotten for far too long.

Heat began to swell. Breaths and sighs filled the air. The hub sheltered them silently.

Ianto’s arms wrapped around Jack, swaddling him, the sheets entwined with their bodies. The kiss continued. Hands wandered over arms, torsos, buttocks, thighs, soothing and comforting one another. They were one again. So tightly bound. A wonderful warmth surrounded them both.

Ianto pressed harder and Jack let out a sweet moan as he pulled away from the kiss for air. They looked into each other and smiled wickedly, naughtily. They pressed together for more contact, not taking their eyes off one another as they rocked back and forth so very gently, with all the time in the world.

More time went by. They moved faster. Now they were breathing hard as perfect pressure reached the perfect places. Ianto wound his fingers around the back of Jack’s neck and leaned in for another kiss. Harder this time. _Undeniable_. He traced hot kisses down Jack’s neck. Jack writhed as Ianto explored his neck with his powerful tongue. Jack breathlessly gripped onto Ianto and ground against him.

Ianto gasped loudly and his eyes snapped open. They gleamed in the dark as they met Jack’s smoky blue eyes, the two men staring deeply into each other again as their movements began to quicken.

Lips met lips and tongues met tongues, strength met strength and heart met heart. Breaths turned to pleasured shouts as they clung on to one another, desperately seeking release, strength, forgiveness, absolution.

The kiss broke off as both heads flew back, gasping for air, and arms clinging tightly around their bodies as shock waves thundered through them both. And then _release_. They came loud and hard, thoroughly coating each other and the tangled sheets between them. Never so joined nor so equal.

There was only breathing for a very long time. And absolute stillness. They would fall asleep like that. Together again. And when morning came, a new dawn would chase away all the sorrow. The angst. The confusion. The mess. They would be new. Closer. Stronger. Jack _knew_ it.

Eventually, Ianto turned back around to allow for a more comfortable sleeping position for both of them. Jack kissed his clammy, shimmering neck and spooned him again, snaking his left arm possessively around his slim waist.

‘Lucky to have you,’ he whispered, not sure if Ianto was awake or would hear him.

‘Yes,’ breathed Ianto gently, placing his hand on Jack’s. Jack could hear Ianto smiling. Jack grinned and began to drift into a deep sleep.

Ianto continued to caress Jack’s hand as he stared ahead into the dark, his steely, silvery eyes alight with excitement . His Jack. His Jack who would always come back to him now. Always. Forever.

Gwen could see both Jack and Ianto’s eyes light up in the thrill of a weevil hunt. They were the perfect team, each knowing exactly where the other one would be. And Ianto! He was _fast_. Gwen hadn’t noticed before. He darted out of the way of the weevil and grabbed it, the weevil spray clutched ready in his hand.

Jack was behind him, ready to help him tackle the weevil to the ground. Gwen ran up, clutching the bag to put over its head. As Jack approached, the weevil struggled harder, knowing what was coming. And suddenly, Ianto seemed to just _let_ _go_.

Gwen opened her mouth to shout out a warning when suddenly the weevil was right there in front of her and a sharp pain overwhelmed her. Ianto was there, dragging the weevil off her and flinging it to the floor.

Gwen collapsed and heard the sound of Ianto spraying the weevil. Then all went quiet.

Jack was at her side, pulling her into his arms. ‘It’s all right,’ he murmured. ‘Just a scratch. Let’s get you back to the hub. Ianto, take Gwen. I’ll get the weevil.’

Gwen, dizzy and faint, found herself being bundled into the SUV and within no time, she was in the hub sitting on a trolley getting seen to.

Jack was off in the cells locking up the weevil so Ianto was tending to Gwen’s wound. Jack was right. It was only a scratch really. The weevil had torn through the collar of her denim jacket and cut into the skin on her neck. Ianto dabbed at the blood delicately and Gwen hissed through her teeth as the cut stung.

‘Not too bad,’ Ianto murmured, his voice soft and even.

A shiver went through Gwen and she wasn’t entirely sure why.

‘Just a little cut. All the…blood makes it look worse.’

Ianto was ever so gentle but Gwen felt strange, as though he was actually hurting her. But he wasn’t.

‘What blood type are you?’ he asked.

Gwen frowned. ‘What’s that got to do with anything?’

He smiled, his teeth seeming whiter than usual. ‘Nothing. I was just wondering. _My_ blood type is ever so rare. But you’d be surprised how compatible it is with so many others.’

‘Ianto, what are you talking about?’

He smiled. ‘Take it easy, Gwen.’ He wiped the last bit of blood from her neck and gazed almost sadly at the cut. ‘It’s stopped bleeding,’ he said and licked his lips.

Gwen went back to work, feeling dazed. She glanced over at Ianto. He was different somehow. Odd. She realised she hadn’t seen him eat in a while. But he wasn’t weak. He seemed strong, stronger than he’d ever been before. It was almost…frightening. It _wasn’t_ Ianto.

Gwen shivered and tried to shake the feeling away. This was Ianto she was talking about. Solid, dependable, loyal Ianto. There couldn’t be anything wrong with him. He was the one who held them all together.


	5. Chapter 5

Ianto slowly made coffee, the gentle familiar motion of the machine comforting him. Though he wasn’t sure why he should need comforting.

Ianto’s mind drifted to Jack. Jack pouting. Jack scowling at him. Jack shouting at him.

He frowned. He couldn’t allow Jack to act that way. He had to protect him. Had to look after him. He had to make him behave. Claim him. Take him. Make him his.

Ianto smiled. He would look after Jack. That boyish grin, those eyes wide with childlike glee when they saw something new. So young really, inside himself.

A crooked grin fell over his face as he pressed his hand to the front of his trousers. Maybe it was time to take care of Jack some more. Take him. Pin him down. See to him. Make him behave. Make him squirm. Make him hard. _Take_ him hard.

Jack gazed at Ianto; saw the way his hands moved across the machine. He gripped the handle firmly, lost in some world of thoughts.

Ianto’s hands were so pale. Jack found his eyes drawn to the way he gripped the machine. The machine hissed, indicating coffee readiness. Ianto jerked with surprise and blinked as the handle came off in his hand.

‘Now, now,’ Jack chided. ‘No need to punish the machine.’

‘Sorry, Jack. I’ll fix it,’ said Ianto with a serene smile.

Jack’s eyes narrowed. ‘Are you feeling okay?’

‘Fine.’

‘Do you need to eat something?’

Ianto gazed at Jack almost longingly. ‘No I’m fine.’

‘Okay then,’ said Jack, entirely unconvinced.

As he turned he swung his hand into Ianto’s backside as a playful smack. ‘I want that machine mended pronto,’ he said with a grin. ‘I need my coffee!’

But Ianto’s fingers closed on Jack’s wrist. ‘Don’t,’ he growled.

Jack stared back at him in shock. He frantically tried to think of a way to lighten the mood.

‘Perhaps you _should_ have something to eat. Get something inside you,’ he suggested, still baffled.

Ianto blinked. He still held Jack’s hand in mid-air in a tight grip.

‘It might calm you down,’ added Jack, quietly glaring at Ianto.

Ianto lowered his arm and released Jack’s wrist. He swallowed.

‘You could be right,’ he said evenly. He looked away. ‘Sorry.’

Jack paused for a moment then found himself walking away, dazed.

Ianto was definitely different. Gwen caught him staring at her all the time, almost the way he would if he fancied her. But there was an edge to it. Gwen almost felt like she was listed on the specials board in a restaurant.

She shivered as she caught him watching her again. He stared unblinkingly at her and licked his lips.

Gwen fought panic. She forced herself to breathe deeply and plastered a smile on her face.

‘Hey, Ianto,’ she said. ‘Will you fetch me those files from the other day? I could really do with another look over them.’

He smiled evenly at her. ‘Of course,’ he said smoothly. She watched him walk away to the archives.

Immediately, she began to move, forcing herself to keep calm. She went straight to Jack in his office. He had to know.

‘Something’s happened to Ianto,’ she said, closing the door firmly behind her. ‘He’s different.’

‘Don’t be ridiculous, Gwen, he’s fine.’

‘He’s not, Jack. Open your eyes! He’s… _scary_. Will you bloody well look and see?’

‘Hey!’ Jack glowered at her. He took a deep breath. ‘I’ll talk to him.’

‘Ianto!’ Jack called him. Gwen had gone home and they were alone in the hub.

‘Yes, _Captain_?’ Ianto’s voice was laden with sarcasm.

Jack poked his head around the door.

He smirked. ‘I want to see you in my office.’

Ianto sighed. Jack and his office fetish.

‘What if I don’t want to see you?’ said Ianto, hands on hips.

Jack frowned. ‘Don’t get bolshie with me, young man. In here, now.’

Ianto shrugged but complied. Jack just loved being the boss.

‘What have I done? Or have you made something up so you can play disciplinarian?’ asked Ianto dryly.

Jack glared at him. ‘Don’t tempt me,’ he warned.

Ianto put his hands on his hips again. ‘What _have_ I done?’

‘You seem to have developed an attitude problem,’ said Jack.

Ianto raised an eyebrow but said nothing.

‘Your colleagues are worried about you…’

‘Gwen,’ muttered Ianto.

‘Not just Gwen. Me too.’ Jack looked Ianto deep in the eye. ‘What’s happened to you?’

‘Nothing,’ said Ianto, a little bit too hastily. Jack walked up to him, eyes full of concern.

‘You can tell me. You know you can.’ He swallowed, not wanting to say what he was about to say. ‘Did something happen when you… I know you disappeared for almost a whole day. Gwen thinks you may have spoken to someone who’s upset you or something…’

‘I went for a walk.’ Ianto’s voice was icy.

‘And came back angry?’ asked Jack, hurt in his eyes. Ianto was holding back on him.

Ianto stared at the floor. He couldn’t let Jack feel like this. He would have to tell him something. He looked back up at him.

‘I… I went home. And I took s…so…some… something. But n…n…not enough,’ he stammered.

Jack’s eyes widened in horror. Ianto’s eyes darted around the room as he quickly found the right words to fit the lie.

‘I was stupid and rash. I realised and I stopped taking them. I was ill for a few hours but then I was fine.’ He breathed steadily. This was better than the truth. For now.

‘Have you seen a doctor?’ asked Jack urgently.

‘Yes,’ lied Ianto. ‘And I’m absolutely fine.’

Jack felt hot, angry tears in his eyes and he blinked them away furiously.

‘So you see, Jack, you’re not the only one who’s been stupid,’ said Ianto, finding it easier and easier to continue with his story. ‘I didn’t want to tell you. I knew you’d be angry.’

‘I am,’ said Jack, clenching his jaw.

Ianto shifted uneasily.

‘Promise me you won’t do that again!’ rasped Jack.

Ianto nodded. ‘I promise. I _promise_. I’m s…sorry.’ 

Jack pulled him into a desperate hug and held him tight. Remorse welled in Ianto’s eyes for a moment before remembering. He was protecting Jack. He wasn’t ready yet.

‘It’s because of what I said, isn’t it?’ asked Jack, frantic for an answer.

Ianto suddenly pulled back out of the hug and gripped Jack by the arms.

‘Now you listen to me,’ he hissed. ‘Stop torturing yourself!’ He said this with such force and held Jack with such grip that Jack’s mouth fell open in surprise.

‘Just stop it, Jack!’ His voice rose as he gave Jack a shake. ‘None of this is your fault, you understand me? None of it!’

Jack could say nothing, but nodded silently. Ianto slackened his grip and watched Jack carefully. He was breathing hard; pale and lost.

‘I won’t ever do that again, Jack. And you won’t push me away. We’ve come further than that now. Haven’t we?’

Jack blinked at him, stunned.

‘Haven’t we?’ prompted Ianto, sternly.

‘Yes,’ whispered Jack. ‘We have.’ He smiled at Ianto with tired eyes. And then frowned.

‘Hang on. Wasn’t I telling _you_ off?’

‘People in glass houses…’ started Ianto

‘I’m your boss,’ chided Jack. ‘I should put you on report.’

‘What for?’ groaned Ianto.

‘For scaring Gwen, for one thing. Cut it out.’

Ianto fell silent.

‘I’ll take that as indication of your compliance,’ said Jack, throwing a look at Ianto.

‘You’ve got my compliance, Jack,’ said Ianto softly. ‘I’m sorry.’

‘Well that’s both of us who are sorry. Now let’s move on once and for all.’

‘Hear hear.’ Ianto smiled. ‘And please stop playing the boss card. I know you love to dominate me but…’

‘But what?’ said Jack, his voice clipped. He mirrored Ianto, hands on his hips, smouldering glare.

Ianto moved closer to him. ‘You’re not the boss of us, Jack Harkness.’ His voice was a low hiss.


	6. Chapter 6

Jack studied Ianto. Gleaming white flesh. Pale pink lips. Searing silvery blue eyes. He was irresistibly drawn to him. He wanted him. He wanted to throw him down on the floor, wanted Ianto to take him – this new, solid Ianto who seemed to know what was good for him.

The air between them gave way and all at once Jack was kissing him, probing that sexy mouth with his hot tongue. But it soon became a battle.

He lost his balance and he felt himself slam back against the wall. Both wrists were pinned above his head, and Ianto ground hard against him.

There was no thought after that, just a race to remove clothing. He heard too many things tear and was soon aware he was naked. And then he was spun around. He was going to get the fucking of his life and he knew it. He cried out in delicious anticipation.

Two fingers, coated in a small amount of lube, invaded him and he flung himself back onto them. He received a sound whack on the backside for doing so and immediately the fingers were replaced with Ianto’s cock. He braced himself, and then he was being stretched, then so perfectly filled. It had been too long since Ianto had taken him, and far too long since he had been _owned_. The thought excited him even more and he pressed his leaking cock into the wall as Ianto sank into him.

He was vaguely aware that he was contributing to the shouting and groaning as his arse was pounded thoroughly. Then there were teeth, sinking into his shoulder and Ianto flung himself into Jack with a roar, grasping Jack’s erection and pumping wildly. He thrust violently, frantically, over and over for what felt like an age, and all Jack could do was stay in place.

A strangled scream accompanied three slamming thrusts and Jack felt hot come fill him up inside. Ianto tugged at Jack’s cock which immediately erupted. His body shuddered and his come hit the wall as his orgasm hit and he gave in with a silent cry.

This was good. Jack was being looked after. It was simple and easy. Ianto could look after him. He was so strong. He could soothe him and protect him from the world. He could own him.

‘I want to go out.’

‘What’s got into you?’ asked Jack, still catching his breath from their passionate encounter. He smiled warmly. ‘Not that I’m complaining. Only by this time of night going out is the last thing on your mind. Not to mention after we’ve…’

‘Get dressed.’ It came as a crisp command but Ianto’s eyes were gleaming with heat. Again.

‘Okay. _Sir_ ,’ said Jack, playing along. He _thought_ it was a game anyway. ‘Where are we going?’

‘Somewhere I’ve always wanted to go,’ replied Ianto. He took Jack firmly by the hand, implying there would be no arguments. Jack shone with the attention and the dominance of Ianto. It was awe-inspiring. And seriously fucking sexy.

After a brisk fifteen-minute walk where Jack was almost struggling to keep up, they arrived at a small club quite hidden from the main streets. Seductive music drifted out from the basement over a hubbub of voices.

Ianto merely smiled at the doorman who seemed to know who he was. But the doorman appraised Jack as though he were a piece of meat. Jack felt like he was being gazed upon by a predator about to strike. It was sexual. But almost _not_. Jack swallowed and held on tight to Ianto’s hand as he was led inside.

There was a spicy scent. It filled his nostrils, overtook his brain, made him sway with heat and heaviness. The club was full of radiant young men and women. He looked around. Couples of all types were dancing together: men with women; women with women; men with men. Here, they were just people, swaying, pulsing, devouring each other. 

Jack was taken aback for several seconds. He’d been in Cardiff for decades but he couldn’t remember ever coming here before. It did feel curiously familiar and for a moment he tried to figure out why. But it was also so intoxicating he allowed himself to follow Ianto and go with it. He could still feel Ianto inside him. It was fairly rough. But good. It was _so_ good. The pulsing got inside him. He gazed at Ianto and wanted to be devoured by him, by Ianto.

They wandered through the crowd, penetrating eyes upon them, jealous faces, crooked smiles, swollen lips. No wait. Those were Ianto’s.

Jack’s upper arms were suddenly in a grip and he was hauled to the side, against the dark wall back from the dance floor. He couldn’t remember Ianto being this strong, but it didn’t matter. He was rock hard again and desperate to be claimed.

And then Jack was being kissed. Their tongues fought as their hands groped each other. The room melted away as Jack Harkness forgot who he was. Ianto was making him forget.

They couldn’t go any further without retreating to a private place. Breathless and flushed, they pulled apart and stared at each other. Ianto smirked as he watched the confusion on Jack’s face.

‘What are you up to, mister?’ said Jack, slightly uncertain. ‘You’re being awfully bad.’

‘It’s about time I took you out, Jack.’ Ianto smiled. But his eyes seemed deadly serious.


	7. Chapter 7

Jack stared at Ianto. ‘I’m getting a drink,’ he announced, feeling uneasy. ‘What do you want?’

Ianto just looked at him. Silence passed between them within the pounding noise of the club. Jack frowned.

‘Vodka tonic,’ said Ianto finally.

Jack raised an eyebrow and took a step closer to Ianto.

‘You’re acting weird. If you’d taken anything else, you’d tell me right?’

Ianto laughed out loud and Jack felt relieved to recognise the Ianto he knew.

‘I don’t do drugs, Jack.’ He smiled warmly. ‘I have you.’

‘Okay,’ said Jack, still uncertain. ‘Cause if you had taken something, there’d be hell to pay.’

Ianto’s eyes glinted but his smile had disappeared. He walked slowly up to Jack until they were face to face. Jack shivered.

‘Go and get my drink, Jack. I’ll be waiting.’ There was a threat deep in his voice. Jack blinked and felt heat rising to his face.

‘Yes, sir,’ he rasped.

But there was still trepidation. Ianto gazed at him for a moment before planting a soft kiss on Jack’s lips. That seemed to seal it. Jack felt safe again, and swept off to the bar. Ianto watched him go.

Having ordered the drinks, Jack looked back over at Ianto. The young man had propped himself up against the side bar and was observing the couples dancing. He was smiling to himself.

Jack’s eyes wandered over to the dance floor. This was certainly no ordinary bar. They weren’t all dancing in couples for one thing. There were several threesomes all sexy-dancing together. And a foursome. Again Jack felt perplexed. Surely he would know about this place? He breathed in the incense. He’d smelt that before somewhere. But where? There was a memory, only half there in the dark spaces in his mind. 

He looked over to the seated area. There were groups of the most hauntingly beautiful women Jack had ever seen, relaxing together. Laughing. Watching.

The drinks arrived. Jack paid and made his way back over to Ianto. But then he stopped in his tracks.

A gorgeous strikingly handsome man was touching Ianto. He was slim. Blond. Pale. Jack had to shake himself out of his reverie and remember that he should be doing something to stop this. A bony, white hand was caressing Ianto’s thigh. And Ianto was letting him. In fact, they seemed to be getting closer.

Jack stalked over to them, fury coming off him in waves, the drinks still clutched in his hands.

‘What the hell?’ began Jack.

Ianto looked right at him with a look that shut him up instantly. The mysterious man bowed out gracefully and was gone in an instant.

‘Now, now, Jack,’ warned Ianto. ‘This isn’t the time or the place to be possessive.’

Jack’s jaw went slack. Before he knew what was happening, Ianto took his vodka tonic from him and downed it in one.

‘Drink,’ commanded Ianto, indicating the whiskey in Jack’s hand. Jack was confused. And fuming. His face hardened as he tried to control the dramatic pout he felt coming on. What was Ianto playing at? He stayed completely still in defiance.

Ianto’s lips thinned. He out-glared Jack and took the drink out of his hand, placing it on a table next to them. He turned back into Jack and fixed him with a deadly look.

‘Behave,’ he growled, wrapping his arm around Jack’s waist and pulling him into his body. Jack gasped. He felt completely owned. His questioning eyes met Ianto’s fiery ones.

‘Or you know what will happen,’ added Ianto dangerously. His mouth turned up a little. He brought his hand up to stroke Jack’s cheek and he kissed him again. Jack tried to convince himself he should feel more comfortable. This was Ianto. Being sexy and dominant.

He smiled back at him. ‘I’ll behave,’ he said. ‘But I want you all to myself.’ He added a note of petulance to that, playing out the part of Ianto’s sub. He watched Ianto carefully.

Those silver eyes turned a dark for a moment before amusement crept onto Ianto’s face. He slapped Jack’s bottom playfully before picking up his whiskey and handing it to him.

‘Drink,’ he said.

Jack didn’t hesitate. The drink was gone almost instantly.

Ianto took Jack’s hand, gently this time, and pulled him onto the dance floor. A deep, seductive beat rippled through the space around them. Other couples seemed to part like waves as Jack and Ianto made their way to the centre, and then the crowd surrounded them again, protecting them.

_You are my angel. Come from way above. To bring me love._

Ianto’s arms wrapped around Jack, possessing him. Jack felt drugged as his body began to take over, his mind long gone. Dry iced filled the air, lit by waves of purple and scarlet. The scent of men engulfed them. Heat was everywhere. And there was that other, deep, thick smell.

They began to kiss. They rocked slowly together as the club pulsed around them. More people came to the dance floor. A popular song. They all moved together, slow, intense, _thrilling_.

Jack rolled his head back and gave in to Ianto’s forceful tongue. If Ianto wanted to play Dom, then Jack would comply. He would be perfect for his master. He just relaxed into Ianto’s hands. Ianto could take what he wanted.

A flicker of impatience led him to place his hand over Ianto’s and guide it down the front of his trousers. He opened his eyes and looked up to make sure hadn’t gone too far. Ianto broke off the kiss and raised an eyebrow. But he didn’t seem angry. Jack felt Ianto’s hand find its way into his underwear. Then he closed his eyes and rolled his head back again, inviting Ianto to take him in every way.

_Blue eyes. He’s on the dark side. Neutralise every man in sight._

Ianto took the hint and licked Jack’s neck before attacking his mouth in another kiss. He clasped Jack’s cock, stroking it at a painfully slow rhythm. Jack thought he may have been floating. He felt himself leaning back and relaxing completely. Ianto’s free arm seemed to entirely support Jack’s weight. Incredible. He leaned back further, as if he were being dipped in a dance. Still Ianto kissed him ruthlessly. His jaw began to ache, but Ianto’s movements became more and more urgent.

_You are my angel. Come from way above._

Jack gave up his last amount of resistance. He felt…he _was_ completely supported by Ianto. He could have been a rag doll. Ianto was leaning over him, pressing himself against Jack’s hip as he continued to massage Jack’s cock. Jack no longer cared where they were or why. He didn’t know it was possible to feel this aroused and yet so deeply calm.

Ianto ended the kiss and pulled Jack arm into his arms. Then he pressed his hot mouth against Jack’s neck. That was when Jack remembered he had some strength. He threw his arms around Ianto and thrust hard into Ianto’s fist. His eyes fell closed as the pressure on his neck intensified. A hot tongue pressed hard against his skin. And then sharpness. Another love bite. And it felt _so good_.

He thrust again and again as Ianto’s fist tightened around him. He was going to…. he was going to….

He opened his eyes. Ianto was slowing down a little. The crowd around them was denser. Shoulder to shoulder. Yet no one was paying any attention. They were invisible.

‘Oh please,’ he whimpered into Ianto’s ear. ‘Don’t stop.’

Ianto gripped Jack’s backside tightly as he plundered Jack’s mouth again. His stroking returned to a more intense rhythm and Jack cried into his mouth. Then that hot mouth was back on his neck. The threat of that love bite. Ianto’s fingernails dug into Jack’s buttocks as he ground against him and pulled at Jack’s cock over and over.

The song was reaching its crescendo. Louder and louder. Covering Jack’s screams. He screamed and screamed into Ianto’s shoulder as they fucked each other through their clothing. Those teeth getting sharper and sharper and the thrusts wilder and wilder, their rocking concealed by the vast crowd around them. Everyone seemed to be doing the same dance. The whole room was moving to their rhythm. Jack’s eyes were closed but he could _feel_ everything around him. Everything in sync.

It finally overtook him. He yelled into Ianto, who held him hard. They went rigid against each other for what felt like an eternity before melting into one another’s arms. Those teeth; so sharp. He could feel them grazing against his skin.

Jack was aware he was weeping. And there was a new song. He could hear voices. Laughter. Reality was coming back, the room coming into focus once more. Gradually he began to support his own weight. He stood up straight, those strong arms helping him all the while.

Ianto was studying him. Still white faced. But his eyes were sated now, and heavy lidded. His lips seemed redder than usual but maybe it was just the darkness. Jack shuddered as the heat seemed to drop away. And then he was being pulled into a warm embrace.

There he was. There was Ianto. It was only a game. An incredible game. And now they would go home and be themselves again. Jack took a deep breath and they separated. He smiled at Ianto who took him by the hand and began to lead him out of the club.

Jack smiled dopily to himself as he was led across the dance floor and through the bar. But then there was that uneasiness. The incense. He turned his head. Those women. Glossy brunette curls. Blood-red lips. Staring at him. Smirking. Perhaps they’d seen. He blushed as he felt the evidence in his crotch. He lowered his head and allowed Ianto to pull him out of there as quickly as possible.

Jack had found himself put to bed and then Ianto disappeared again. Jack shook his head to himself as shuffled down into his bed. Already he could barely remember what had happened at the club that night. His head swam as he thought about it. Ianto’s bright eyes in the darkness shone out at Jack, echoing inside his head.

Jack was sore inside. And his head was sore. And his neck hurt and he didn’t know why.

Then he remembered. The love bites.

Jack felt his neck in the darkness, feeling for the braised and swollen flesh Ianto’s teeth and lips must have left. He found nothing. Not one single bump.

Jack switched on the beside light and scrambled out of bed. He peered into his bathroom mirror. Maybe there’d just be a few red marks. Maybe it hadn’t been as rough as Jack remembered it.

Jack’s mouth dropped as he stared into the mirror. He couldn’t believe it. His neck was clear and smooth. Except for two tiny white pinpricks right above a vein.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fydd means faith in Welsh and it's Jack and Ianto's safeword. 
> 
> This chapter may be triggery. Check end notes for specifics.

Ianto breathed in the dark air. It filled his nostrils with sweetness and he could smell every single moist pulsing body around him.

They all _throbbed_. He could feel it. He could sense the warmth beneath their skin. He wanted to taste it. He could feel it. He needed it.

Ianto took another breath but it stumbled into him. He breathed again, hoping for more. But he couldn’t get more. He needed air.

He gasped, frantically trying to draw enough oxygen into his body. He felt dizzy and weak. He hadn’t eaten but he didn’t need to eat. Not anymore. He could be strong without food. He was strong. But this wasn’t fair. He was strong. He was powerful. He knew that. So why did he feel so weak?

He knew what he needed. He needed that throbbing. He needed that warmth. He needed to take it. He needed to feel it inside him. He needed _blood_.

It was there. All around him. The humans. He needed _their_ blood.

He scrambled around and with effort, grabbed at the nearest body. The man fought him, wide-eyed with terror. Ianto could feel the young man’s terror, feel the trembling of his skin, feel his heart pumping that throbbing blood faster around his weak body. Ianto needed it. Ianto was going to take it.

He glanced at the man’s wide eyes and, holding him tight, lowered his mouth to that pulsing neck. He closed his eyes, felt that peculiar movement in his mouth. There was a scream and then he was tasting that sweet, life-giving blood and he could breathe easily.

But suddenly, there were strong hands on him, impossibly strong hands, yanking him away.

There were two figures there, dressed in black and red clothes. One held Ianto and the other held his victim. The man was bleeding from the neck and screaming in terror.

The figure holding him, bent over, placed a kiss on his neck. Ianto saw a pale face and red lips. The bleeding stopped. The figure gazed into the man’s face and the man’s eyes took on a glassy look. The figure gave him a little push and the man wandered off into the night.

The figure turned to Ianto and Ianto gasped as he saw the sparkling amber eyes of an extraordinarily beautiful woman gazing out at him.

‘You’re new around here,’ she said. ‘We saw you at the club. Have you lost your human?’

Ianto blinked, still feeling weak and dizzy. ‘Pardon?’

The woman exchanged glances with the man who was holding Ianto tightly. Then she looked back at Ianto.

‘You need a feed,’ she said. ‘Left it quite a while I’d say since you’ve had a proper feed.’

‘I…I’ve never had one,’ Ianto said stupidly.

‘Oh, you’re a _made_ vampire! Listen, you can’t just go feeding on passing strangers in the street. You’ve got to do it in private and at least bloody hypnotise them for goodness sake!’

Ianto felt his eyes drooping. He felt so weak.

‘He’s getting desperate,’ said the man. ‘He needs a feed. A proper feed.’

The woman nodded and suddenly they were marching Ianto somewhere. Ianto hoped it wasn’t far.

After only a minute, Ianto found himself being bundled into a car. There, he found himself face to face with a young man wearing only a pair of snug red briefs.

‘Go on,’ said the man. ‘It’s all right. He’s my boy. One of them anyway. Good for feeding.’

Ianto’s head was beginning to hurt and he was hyperventilating as he tried to get enough oxygen. The boy offered his neck and Ianto lurched for him, grabbing him and sinking his fangs into his neck.

Immediately, relief flowed through him and, as he drank, he felt his strength returning. He’d never felt so good in his entire life. It was like a drug, filling up every inch of him with sweetness and strength. This was what he was meant to do. This was all there was in the world. Just the throbbing, pulsing, _sweet_ blood. And he would do _anything_ to have it.

Jack lay still and quiet in his bed, wondering where Ianto was. Something was going on and Ianto could be anywhere.

Jack couldn’t sleep. The pinpricks in his neck had faded completely and there was no real reason why he should feel like this but he did. He was scared. He needed Ianto to come home, be soft and gentle. He needed the old Ianto back.

He heard a noise somewhere above him and the hatch opened. A second later, Ianto appeared. He seemed quiet and oddly confused. He didn’t say a word but slowly got undressed and climbed into bed with Jack.

Jack wanted to wrap his arms around him and hold him close but there was that fear still. Ianto was so strong.

Ianto smiled at him and it seemed almost like the old Ianto. ‘Sorry. Had to clear my head.’

‘Are you…feeling okay?’ Jack asked hesitantly.

‘Yes.’ Ianto shuffled closer to Jack and put his head on Jack’s chest. ‘I’m sorry. I know I’ve been a bit…mad lately. Just…working through things I guess.’

Jack nodded. ‘Yeah.’ He put his arms around Ianto and held him tight. ‘Happens to the best of us. You sure you’re all right?’

Ianto looked up at him and smiled a real smile. His eyes sparkled with it. ‘Yes, Jack. I’m fine.’ He leaned close to Jack and pressed a soft kiss to his lips. ‘All better now. I promise.’

Jack let out a breath he felt he’d been holding for hours. ‘Good,’ he said and held Ianto close to him. He closed his eyes and fell asleep, feeling Ianto fall asleep beside him. Everything was all right now.

In the morning, Jack woke first, feeling happy and cheerful. Something inside him had settled and his stomach felt calm for the first time in ages. He glanced over at Ianto who was still sleeping.

Jack climbed out of bed and started to strip off ready for his shower. He was only wearing boxers and a vest so it didn’t take long. He kissed Ianto softly on the lips.

‘Wakey wakey, sleeping beauty,’ he murmured. ‘Shower time.’

Ianto stirred and Jack turned towards the bathroom. ‘Join me in the shower! I’ll give you two minutes before I come and fetch you and spank you!’ Jack called, grinning and heading towards the shower. He heard Ianto stirring more behind him.

Jack climbed in the shower, turned on the spray and settled under it, letting the hot water soothe him. Things were good. Things were getting back to normal.

The bathroom door opened and Jack heard Ianto step into the shower behind him. Jack sighed happily as Ianto’s arms slipped around him. He held Jack tight and Jack could feel Ianto’s hard cock pressing against him.

‘Wanna fuck you,’ Ianto murmured, his voice deep and raspy.

Jack pressed back into him, feeling Ianto’s cock chase that hot space between Jack’s buttocks.

‘Yeah,’ Jack murmured. ‘Nice and gentle though, yeah?’

‘Uh huh,’ Ianto murmured, rubbing his nose against Jack’s shoulder. Jack let out a little moan as he felt his cock responding to Ianto’s gentle touches.

Ianto’s lips pressed to Jack’s neck. Jack tensed despite himself. His neck felt strangely tender, vulnerable, though there was no real reason for him to feel that way.

Ianto ground against him and Jack could feel the young man was already leaking precum.

‘Remember, gen…’ Jack didn’t get any further as suddenly, Ianto grabbed hold of him in incredibly strong arms, spun him around and bent him over on all fours.

Jack made a noise of protest but then Ianto’s cock was sinking inside him and Jack forgot everything. There was nothing but Ianto’s cock.

Jack was hazy with arousal and he felt Ianto’s hands firm on his hips. Ianto thrust hard and deep and Jack basked in the painful pleasure of it.

The water ran over them and under them. Jack gasped and moaned as he was fucked, gazing down at the water. It was red.

Jack let out a cry as the arousal broke and he realised exactly how much pain he was in. Ianto hadn’t prepared him, not one little bit and he pounded mercilessly into Jack. The red was blood and it was coming from Jack.

Ianto pulsed inside him, hands all over Jack, hard and strong on his skin. Jack found himself fighting, trying to pull away. He felt so fuzzy. Pain jerked through him and he couldn’t bear it. He wanted it to stop.

‘Ianto,’ he gasped.

‘Jack!’ Ianto cried, thrusting hard into Jack and digging his fingers into Jack’s hips.

Jack struggled to find the words. He was so hazy. There was a word. He had to stop this. What was the word?

‘Ianto,’ he gasped. ‘Please. Can’t…’

‘Jack,’ Ianto gasped. He was close. Jack could feel the way his hips shook as his orgasm approached.

Jack stared at the bloody water running over the shower floor. It was his blood. _His_.

‘Blood,’ he gasped, trying to tell Ianto.

‘ _Blood_ ,’ Ianto agreed, thrusting harder.

‘Ianto!’ Jack gasped. He remembered the word. ‘F…f…’ he gasped.

‘Jack!’ Ianto gasped. ‘Mine! Mine!’

‘Fydd!’ Jack rasped.

Ianto, not even seeming to hear him, came hard, jerking and moaning and gripping Jack hard.

They collapsed. Jack found his face pressed to the wet ceramic floor. He could taste his own blood in the water.

‘Fydd,’ he whispered, his voice broken.

Ianto froze and his grip eased.

Jack pushed him away. ‘Go. Get off,’ he panted.

Ianto stumbled backwards, out of the shower and onto the floor. ‘I…I…’

Jack closed his eyes and pushed his face into the red water pooling on the floor. ‘Go.’

Ianto made a noise, a whimper or a moan, Jack wasn’t sure. But then he picked himself up and ran out of the room.

Jack stayed where he was, weak and dizzy. The confusion and impossibility of what just happened overwhelmed him. Jack, still on all fours, began to tremble violently. He watched his tears fall and merge into the draining, ruddy shower water as his body shuddered with desperate sobs.

It couldn’t have happened. It couldn’t. Ianto wasn’t that person. He wasn’t. He couldn’t be.

But he was. Now, he was that person, a stranger. He wasn’t Jack’s Ianto anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains an incidence of withdrawn consent being ignored.


	9. Chapter 9

Jack moved gingerly. Every second dragged. He knew he was in shock, drifting as each stray thought reminded him of what had just happened.

He buttoned his shirt. He felt the cold air on his chest. Each button felt stiff. He wondered when he’d last worn that shirt. He remembered Ianto had bought it for him.

He fastened his collar. He felt barely conscious. Yet everything was heightened. Every sound so loud. The hub was excruciatingly silent. Where was he now?

He gasped and winced in pain as his bent down to adjust his sock. He straightened. He couldn’t remember experiencing such betrayal as this.

He finished dressing. His belt, his braces, his shoes. All so normal. But he could feel his dressing bunching in his underwear and he felt sick.

He ran a shaky hand through his hair. With a deep breath he ascended the ladder and walked confidently; as Captain Jack Harkness would walk, to his desk.

He was met with emptiness. He scanned the hub but Ianto was nowhere to be seen. He gently sat, swallowing hard and trying to ignore that bitter pain.

There he sat for some time. He wasn’t sure how long. The world had seemed to stop. No noise, no life, no light. He stared blankly at his unusually messy desk, numbness ringing in his ears.

After a while he sat back, wincing once more and shifting in his seat. He closed his eyes tightly but what he saw made him open them quickly. He stared at the floor.

Just as bad. A droplet of dried blood left over from some injury or other, stared back at Jack. He blinked. He noticed one or two more droplets. The floor was filthy. He scowled. Then he remembered; Gwen’s run-in with a Weevil. It was from that.

He felt numb. Was it just him or was blood becoming a focal point? Blood. His mind tingled but it hurt to think.

File upon file was stacked in front of him. Reports scattered. Reminder notes stuck on everything. Jack frowned. It shouldn’t be like this. This hadn’t happened in years. Because he had…he had someone who looked after all that stuff.

Where _was_ Ianto? His mind asked. His body asked. His heart asked. It dawned on him. Ianto had been _absent_ for quite some time now.

He shook himself out of his reverie and realised something that suddenly seemed so obvious. Employees acting strangely. He was usually so quick to see it. His personal involvement with Ianto had blinded him. What the hell was going on?

And then much to his surprise he felt pure joy. It wasn’t Ianto. That was **not** Ianto. It wasn’t _Ianto_ who’d hurt him. He laughed out loud, then on hearing himself, his elation quickly descended into panic. He forgot his own discomfort, his own trauma. **Something had happened to Ianto.**

Those words echoed in his mind and his eyes fell on a leather-bound book. Ianto’s diary.

Jack lurched forward and grabbed it. It was casually discarded under another mountain of paperwork. He sent papers flying as he retrieved it and urgently ruffled through the pages to find the most recent entry.

It was from a few days ago. He was sure Ianto kept his diary up to date daily. He smiled to himself as he read. It sounded like his Ianto. The sarcasm was unmistakable. But the entry was sad.

Jack had been acting like an asshole. Ianto poured his heart out here, about how he wished he could change Jack, change himself, do anything to make it more bearable for Jack.

‘If I could find a way to be with him forever, I would. I’d do anything.’

Jack felt his eyes prick with tears. His Ianto. But where was he? Jack suddenly flashed back. Gwen. What had she said? ‘ _Something has changed him.’_

He ran into the main hub area to see if he could see Ianto, the diary still in his hand. He went to the kitchen. The coffee machine looked unused. Spotless, even. But then he saw it. Another dried splash of blood on the work top. He flashed back to his own blood and flinched. Then he flashed back to Gwen bleeding in the medical bay. Blood.

The dizziness returned and he tried to breathe deeply. He looked down at the diary and re-read Ianto’s entry.

‘If I could find a way to be with him forever, I would. I’d do anything.’

He was touched by it a few minutes ago. Now it was chilling. He smelt a strange scent. Like incense. Only he wasn’t smelling it. He was remembering it. That club. Those people. The girl. That other half-remembered memory.

Suddenly Jack knew. He knew everything. He knew what had happened to Ianto. He couldn’t believe he hadn’t seen it before.

‘How could I be so fucking blind?’ he whispered bitterly to himself, before slamming the diary shut. He pulled himself together with a deep breath and was _Captain Jack_ once more.

He turned on his heel and began to leave the kitchen only to find Ianto approaching him. He looked white and shaken. Jack expertly concealed the diary and stood firm.

‘I need to go out,’ he said before Ianto could say anything. ‘I need you to stay here and keep an eye on things.’

‘Jack, I…’

‘No arguments,’ shouted Jack. And he swept out through the cog door.

Ianto stood stunned. Something gnawed at him in the pit of his stomach. But elsewhere he was calm. He pushed his feelings, his messy remorse for Jack to one side, the calmness taking him completely. And then there was only one thing to do. Feed.

He smiled to himself.

Jack couldn’t breathe. He strode purposefully into that red velvet draped room, fury pushing him on.

She smiled when he entered. ‘I’ve been expecting you.’

Jack slammed the door behind him and anger welled further up inside him when she didn’t react.

‘What in the _hell_ have you done to Ianto?’

She smiled, neatly lining up her cards. ‘I’ve given him what he wanted.’

Jack threw himself down on the chair across the table from her and gave her his best, fiercest glare. ‘You’ve destroyed him.’

‘He is who he is. I gave him forever. He wanted forever. For you.’

‘That’s not him. You…you gave me some _monster_ forever. It’s not him.’

Infuriatingly calm, she put her head on one side and considered him. ‘You can save him. If you are willing to risk everything.’

Ianto felt it so severely, that need. A hunger he’d never had was suddenly his everything. He _craved_ it like oxygen. He felt so ready.

He had intended to stay in the Hub; do what the man asked of him. He’d been working for a while. But he couldn’t remember why he should want to anymore. Not when there was such a glorious reward to be had outside. Not when his insides ached for satisfaction. For _fulfilment_.

He left the Hub without another thought. Fuck Torchwood. Lame alien-fighting squad. Ianto laughed to himself as he rose on the invisible lift into the centre of the Plass.

He looked around. So much blood, so little time! He patted his back pocket as he considered his wallet and the credit card inside. If he wanted the food he would have to make the bait a little tastier. He headed for the high street, semi-hard, licking his lips.

There were naked necks _everywhere_. Flawless skin just begging to be compromised. Licked. Penetrated. Bitten. Torn. He focused his mind on himself. No one would be able to resist him.

The grey clouds above him protected him from the sunlight. No wonder Cardiff was such a hot spot for Vampires, he grinned to himself. He noticed a terrified pair of eyes on him. He glared back. She ran away. So little, pink coat with a yellow balloon. She knew. Children often did. She ran as fast as she could away from him. Ianto couldn’t help but notice, as she disappeared how smooth was her skin.

The sun never emerged. Ianto spent some time in and out of shops until he found the perfect outfit in which to hunt his pray. He got changed in a public bathroom and dumped his suit in the bin.

It was dusk as he left the shopping mall. He looked incredible. Tight dark blue jeans. Black fitting shirt, accentuating his muscular body. Fitted leather jacket. But mostly, he was radiant. People stared at him as he walked down the street. It was like a catwalk. His eyes shone, gleaming at passersby. He was surrounded by powerful aura.

Darkness descended. Now, lit only by the moonlight, he headed for the back streets. Another cute club. He’d been thinking about it all day. What he was going to find?

And there he was. Exactly what Ianto had pictured for the last few hours. A slim, blond boy of nineteen or so. He was mesmerised by Ianto. He was clearly aroused; his tight jeans didn’t do much for his modesty.

The beat of music filled the air. The boy was outside the club smoking a cigarette. Ianto scanned him intently and the boy began to breathe heavily. He abandoned his cigarette and flicked it into the gutter. He gazed at Ianto.

Ianto closed the distance between them and was immediately kissing him violently. He tasted ash. The boy responded as well as he could. Then Ianto pulled away.

‘So,’ said Ianto with a smouldering gaze. ‘Are you going back in there or are you coming home with me?’


	10. Chapter 10

The boy’s mouth fell open, struck incapable of words.

‘I wasn’t expected to find the jewel of the night right here at the _entrance_ ,’ whispered Ianto. He purposefully grazed his fingers over the boy’s tightly clad backside on the word ‘entrance’, eliciting a moan from him. Once more, Ianto caught his mouth in a fierce kiss, invading him with his tongue, and the boy fell into him.

Almost regretting how easy it had been, but savouring the fact he would feed so very soon, Ianto pulled the boy by the hand and led him to a dark, quiet alley, a place Jack had introduced him to once.

But he didn’t want _old man_ anymore. He wanted this young, primed flesh. He hardened in his jeans. By the time he was done with this weak little twink, his blood would be pumping.

He pressed the young man firmly against the wall, but not too violently. He could have a little fun first.

The boy was breathless, his cheeks flushed. ‘Are you going to fuck me?’ he asked Ianto.

‘Want me to? Suits me. I was brought up not to play with my food,’ said Ianto, raising an eyebrow.

The boy laughed nervously. ‘Oh I see. Not a fan of foreplay.’ He forced himself to stand steady. Be strong. ‘Well that’s good, ‘cause if you don’t fuck me soon I’m gonna cream my jeans.’

Ianto rolled his eyes. So young. He grabbed the boy’s shoulders and spun him around.

‘I’m gonna fuck you all right.’

The boy gave a strangled whimper and rolled his hips as Ianto pressed himself against him.

‘Do you have a condom?’ asked the boy, uncertainly.

Ianto straightened. The boy held his breath.

‘Of course,’ said Ianto politely, pulling one from his pocket.

The boy relaxed. He felt Ianto’s hands undoing his belt and then a large hard on his cock. He cried out.

‘Hush,’ warned Ianto, still grinding into his pray. Then he pushed the condom back into his pocket with a sneer.

‘So you don’t want foreplay,’ rasped Ianto. ‘How do you feel about love bites?’

‘Love ‘em,’ answered the boy, panting hard. Ianto was stroking him. He was trying to hold on.

‘Don’t come yet, _little boy_ ,’ growled Ianto. ‘Unless you want daddy to spank.’

But the boy couldn’t answer. His jeans and snug briefs were torn down, his legs parted. A barely lubed finger invaded him. And then there was dizzying pain as Ianto pushed into him.

He cried out again. Ianto merely grunted and began to fuck him.

‘No foreplay,’ he hissed as an explanation, and trapped the boy’s hands against the wall. But it wasn’t all painful. It gave way to pleasure and the boy whimpered ‘ _yes, yes_ ’ over and over. Ianto’s hot mouth found the boy’s neck and began to attack it with his tongue, leaving trails of saliva all over.

The boy bucked. He obviously did enjoy love bites. Ianto pumped his leaking cock properly now, and began to suck his flesh. The boy let out rapid pleasured groans and Ianto knew it was time. The boy’s eyes snapped open as he shot his copious load all over the wall and Ianto’s hand whilst two sharp teeth sank into his neck. He heard a roar, felt his own scream. Hot wetness shot inside him, and then it all went dark.

‘Condom,’ he murmured into the darkness, and then spoke no more.

‘I’ll risk anything,’ said Jack. ‘Everything. He can’t stay like this. He can’t. He’s not him. _Please_.’

‘You might have to risk everything for him. Can you do that? Your very self.’

‘I can. I’ll risk anything for him.’

‘Your life?’

Jack blinked. ‘The treatment could kill me?’ It was impossible. Really.

She smiled. ‘Yes. Or it could kill him. You could lose everything, Jack.’

‘But…if he survives, he’ll be himself again?’

‘If you remember what I’ve told you.’

‘What was that?’

She smiled. ‘If you cannot remember, I cannot tell you.’

Jack crossed his arms. ‘Oh, that’s a damn lot of help, isn’t it?’ he groused.

The girl made a motion with her hand and a tall figure, his features hidden by a long black cloak with a hood, stepped out from behind a curtain. A long, white hand appeared from beneath the cloak, holding a glass bottle filled with a dark red liquid.

The girl took the bottle from the figure and handed it to Jack. Jack shivered as he watched the figure withdrew back behind the curtain.

‘What do I do with this?’ Jack asked.

‘You must drink it.’

‘ _I_ must drink it?’

‘You must drink it all and then offer yourself to him to feed on. But the liquid will make your blood taste bitter. So you must make him desperate.’

Jack swallowed. ‘Desperate?’

‘He must not feed for forty eight hours. You must prevent him. You must keep him safe, locked away until it is time. Drink the potion half an hour before you let him feed. And you must put your life in his hands and let him feed until he has had enough. The more the better. Only you can save him.’

Jack stood, clutching the bottle tightly in white fingers. ‘I’ll save him.’

‘Remember what I told you,’ she said as Jack hurried out.

Minutes later, Ianto was licking his lips, enjoying those last drops of blood. He licked his fingers. Boy juice. What a messy thing he was.

He stepped away, looking himself over. He’d successfully managed to keep himself entirely clean. But he re-lived the scene in his head and thrill of it sent a pulse through him. He wanted more. His whole body wanted more.

He strolled out of the alley and turned the corner. Streetlamps momentarily blinded him as he made his way back into the main street.

He walked off his dinner for around twenty minutes before he decided it was time for dessert. There were so many sexy women. But it would be tricky to get one of them on their own. He wet his lips as a crowd of five or six girls cat-called to him.

‘Are you lost, sweetheart?’ asked one of them, her ill-fitting boob tube jiggling as she laughed. Ianto smiled back, but his eyes were cold. The girl stopped laughing and her smile faded. Her girlfriends continued to giggle. But his steely stare unnerved her.

Ianto didn’t even blink. He walked away. Stupid slapper.

Everywhere there was the din of music from the pubs and clubs; the chatter of drunken youths waiting excitedly in queues; the distant sound of police cars, sirens getting louder and louder.

It was too much and Ianto slunk into the shadows. He was angry. He wanted afters. **Now**. Then he turned. A girl. Crying on her mobile phone.

‘I didn’t think he’d speak to me like that,’ she was saying, her breath hitching. Her mascara was running. ‘Yeah I know. But he’s not usually like that.’ She saw Ianto and froze.

He instinctively put his hands up to signal he didn’t mean any harm and backed away. He heard her continue her conversation.

He was about to turn back into the street when he caught himself. What was he doing? Silly fucking bitch deserves it, a voice inside him said. On her own in a dark alley? Might as well go for a walk on the M4.

He turned back in as she was hanging up and putting her phone away. She saw him and froze again.

‘You okay?’ he asked. ‘You should get out of here, you know. It’s dangerous.’

She sniffed, wide eyed, and began to walk towards him. ‘My…my friends are just there,’ she lied. She went to walk past him and he caught her elbow, throwing her back into the alley way with such force she hurtled through the air several feet and hit her head on a dust bin. She cried softly, dazed.

Ianto smirked and casually approached her. ‘Very dangerous. Tut tut. Naughty girl.’ He crouched down beside her and began to brush her hair off her shoulders. It revealed her luxurious neck. Ianto felt himself pulse with excitement. Everywhere.

‘Ianto!’ came a familiar voice. He spun around. It was Gwen. She was pointing her gun at him. ‘Step away from her. Now.’

She was in action girl mode again. Ianto smiled sweetly. ‘Fuck off, Gwen.’

‘I’ll shoot. I know you’re not him,’ she said.

Ianto raised his eyebrows. ‘Of course I am. I’ve not been possessed by an alien you know,’ he said pleasantly. ‘What’s the matter? Did I make your coffee too strong this morning? You seem… _over stimulated_.’

‘Stimulate this!’ hissed Gwen.

Her gun fired and Ianto yelled out in surprise leaping backwards. He was even more surprised to find he’d fallen back into strong arms. It wasn’t the girl. He tried to turn around to face him. He knew who it was. Jack Fucking Harkness. But he felt something alien in his back.

He jerked forwards, but as he did his face was met with a thick scented cloth. He thrashed about and stepped back again but felt that thing at his back. He was powerless. And gradually, eventually the world ebbed away and all went black.

‘Following the Risen Mitten, Life Knife and Stun Gun, we have Cosmic Chloroform,’ said Jack as Gwen caught Ianto. ‘Mixes Chloroform with an alien gas… and just a dash of nutmeg.’

But they weren’t smiling. Jack placed the handkerchief in his pocket. His other hand sported some kind of wooden stick. It seemed especially made.

‘No jokes about fighting evil with wood,’ warned Gwen. ‘Now help me, Jack!’

Jack stared at the unconscious man in front of him. How could this be Ianto? Then he heard a murmur. The girl. Gwen looked at him.

‘Radio Andy once we’re in the car,’ barked Jack. ‘They’ll take care of her. Let’s get him in the SUV.’

They carried him around the corner where the SUV had come to an abrupt halt just minutes before, and bundled him into the back seat.

‘Drive,’ ordered Jack, sidling up beside Ianto and supporting him. Gwen didn’t argue.

The SUV screeched to a halt outside the invisible lift, the quickest way in, and Gwen left Jack to help Ianto as she parked the SUV.

He threw him over his shoulder, the dead weight thoroughly taxing and eventually got Ianto into a cell. He collapsed on the floor in exhaustion. Gwen joined him just seconds later.

‘Leave him there,’ she said firmly.

‘I can’t,’ said Jack, pained.

‘Jack! You don’t know when he’ll wake up. If what you say is true, if he really is a…vampire, then fuck knows how strong he is. He could kill you. It’s not Ianto anymore.’

‘I can’t,’ cried Jack again, distressed. ‘Gwen…’ but he couldn’t say anymore. She took a deep breath, and using all her strength, she grabbed Jack’s hand and tried to pull him out of the cell.

‘Jack!’ she screamed. ‘Out now!’ It became easier for her to move him and she realised a small part of him knew she was doing the right thing. They got on the other side of the door and she locked it instantly. Jack fell to his knees, shuddering with tears.

She put her arms around him and held him, this time making no move to go anywhere. And there they stayed for some time, their friend and colleague unconscious on the floor just two meters away.


	11. Chapter 11

Jack didn’t move. He’d been sitting there since they’d brought Ianto in. Gwen had been with him most of the time but now she’d gone to get something to eat and to call Rhys. It was late. He should send her home but he didn’t fancy being completely alone with _this_ Ianto just yet.

Jack watched Ianto breathe. Ianto hadn’t moved, except for his chest moving slowly up and down. Without those hard, dangerous eyes on him, Jack thought Ianto looked almost normal, back to himself. But Jack knew he wasn’t.

‘Oh, Ianto,’ he whispered. ‘Why did you do this to yourself?’

Suddenly, Ianto jerked and immediately was springing to his feet and glaring at Jack through the glass.

He lurched forward and thumped the glass angrily. Jack flinched in spite of himself, but keeping his eyes on Ianto he gradually stood until they were level.

‘Sleep well?’ he asked, hands on hips. Ianto’s eyes were so alien now. It made it easier somehow. But Jack’s body still sensed him as his lover, not a monster.

‘Like a baby,’ said Ianto. ‘Let me out, Jack. Please.’

Jack didn’t blink. Ianto’s voice sounded flat. Unemotional. It wasn’t him.

‘Please, Jack. I need your help. I don’t know what’s happening to me.’

Jack shifted his weight for a moment. He swallowed.

‘Not a chance,’ he said, his throat dry. There was a beat as Ianto looked hurt. But then there was rage. And the tirade began.

‘Fucking _look_ at you,’ he yelled. ‘Captain Jack Bullshit. Torchwood. Outside the Government. All fucking _three_ of us! Pathetic! You’re pathetic!’

Jack did not react at all. Ianto grit his teeth and sneered.

‘Chasing your precious Doctor Alien only to find he didn’t want you. He ran away from you. So wrong. Can’t even die properly. And now you’ve locked your part time shag in a cell because he’s so much more powerful than you could have imagined. More powerful than you could ever be. Pathetic.’

Jack remained still but felt his heart beating furiously.

‘We’re both immortal now, Jack. Feels good, doesn’t it? You spend the whole time whining.’ Ianto affected a high pitched whine. ‘‘I can’t die, it just goes black. I outlive everyone’. Well looki-here. You’re **not** alone.’

Jack clenched his jaw and his fists but stayed silent.

‘Tea Boy wanted to be with you forever.’ Ianto smirked. ‘So sweet. Only he didn’t realise how good this would feel. I didn’t _know_ , Jack.’

He gazed coquettishly at Jack, his voice sounding almost normal again. ‘I’m sorry, Jack. I didn’t mean it. Please forgive me. I’m a good boy really.’

Cold laughter echoed through the cell. Jack’s eyes narrowed.

‘How much fun am I going to have?’ asked Ianto, the harshness returning to his voice. ‘I can fuck you and kill you ten times a day for the whole of eternity, and we can still play scrabble together after dinner!’

Jack screwed his eyes shut as he flashed back to that morning. The shower. The blood. Ianto had hurt him. But it wasn’t Ianto. He opened his eyes again and glared.

‘Shut up,’ he hissed.

‘Oh, okay,’ said Ianto. ‘Oh wait. No.’

Jack rolled his eyes.

‘Evil creature of the night,’ stated Ianto, indicating himself. He pointed at Jack. ‘Little boy who thinks he’s a hero because he got caught up with one once. But he didn’t think you were a hero. That Doctor man. And neither do I. Come to think of it, what’s your name again?’

‘That’s enough!’ yelled Jack, now livid. His hands moved to the glass as his body trembled all over.

‘Oh I love it when you’re all moody, Harkness,’ rasped Ianto, stepping closer. He mirrored Jack, the glass between them. He placed his hands over Jack’s. They were face to face. ‘So sexy. Makes me want you.’

Jack thought his heart would break out of his chest, it was pounding so hard. He could almost _taste_ Ianto through the glass. Those eyes. That scent. He found himself pressing against the cold, transparent barrier.

‘Ianto,’ he whispered desperately. ‘Stop this.’

‘And how are you going to make me do that?’ asked Ianto smoothly. He rolled his hips against the glass and Jack felt himself respond. Ianto stared into Jack’s cloudy eyes with a smirk.

‘You love it,’ hissed Ianto. ‘You want me. Tell me you want me.’

‘No!’ whimpered Jack, but he couldn’t stop himself from rubbing against the hardness. He just wanted Ianto. And those eyes were drawing him in. He couldn’t stop looking. ‘Stop it,’ he pleaded as the glass began to shake with their movements.

Ianto surrounded him. Their lips were close. Those _silver_ eyes. Jack was too aroused to stop. He _needed_ Ianto to fuck him. He could open the door. But somewhere inside him there was another voice.

‘No!’ he grimaced, trying to tear himself away. ‘Stop this, Ianto!’

‘That’s it. Get angry. Fucking make me stop, Jack. Oh but you can’t. Poor little lost boy. Did you lose your big scary gun?’ His voice was now a low growl. ‘Come on, Jack. Tell me you don’t want me to over-take you. Tell me you don’t want to forget your duty, your responsibility. Tell me you don’t want me to fuck you so hard you go flying back to the stars and finally know some peace.’

Jack’s was sobbing, his breathing erratic, his body rocking mindlessly against the glass. He pulsed and throbbed, reacting to that voice. Those words. And those eyes, gleaming at him. He took one hand off the glass. Where was the switch for the door?

But he was distracted. Ianto was also aroused. His eyelids were falling every now and then. It seemed to clear Jack’s head a little. His brought his hand back to the glass as it shook rhythmically, both of them thrusting hard against it. Jack found himself pressing his lips to the glass. They were almost kissing.

Those eyes. _He’s on the dark side_. Somewhere in Jack’s mind he knew he had to stop. But he felt so close to ecstasy. So close he could tumble over the edge. Now! But suddenly the glass shook violently as Ianto flung himself against it, and Jack staggered backwards. It broke their eye contact.

Seconds later, Jack’s mind cleared perfectly. His body turned cold. His arousal was gone. He watched as Ianto writhed and rocked like a wild animal against his cage door. He was coming. And _he_ was not Ianto.

Jack’s pulse returned to normal as reason came back to him. He shook, stunned by what he’d almost done. Ianto stilled, breathing hard. He fixed Jack with a leer, but his sated eyes had lost their power. There was a wet stain on the front of his jeans. Jack shuddered as he felt his chest fill with contempt.

Ianto smirked. ‘Wanna come in here and lick me clean?’

‘Fuck you,’ spat Jack, fury in every inch of his body.

Ianto tutted at him. ‘Such bad language. I shall have to punish you.’ He pressed himself against the glass again, staring at Jack. ‘Jack Harkness. I’m going to catch you. I’m going to beat you. I’m going to fuck you. But best of all…’ He licked his lips. ‘I’m going to _feed_ on you. Taste you. See how quickly your blood regenerates. I might time it with the stopwatch.’

Jack shook with cold fury at this creature which had consumed Ianto. He stepped towards the glass once more.

‘You’re locked in a fucking cell, you deranged idiot. What are you gonna do? Pout me to death?’

Ianto’s smile faded, unnerved by Jack’s renewed confidence. He glared, whiter than ever.

‘When I get out of here, I’m going to sink my teeth into your neck and _bleed you dry_.’

Jack responded by smiling warmly. He raised his hand, flicked a switch, and gas billowed into the cell, causing Ianto to panic briefly before he slumped to the floor and passed out cold.

Jack couldn’t leave Ianto. He couldn’t. He’d been sitting outside the cell all night, watching Ianto through the glass. Ianto was still unconscious and Jack wanted him to wake but at the same time he couldn’t bear to see that dark _disgust_ in his eyes.

It was morning now. Gwen was in now but hadn’t come down yet. Jack couldn’t remember the last time he’d slept but he couldn’t leave Ianto. He leaned against the glass and gazed at that sleeping figure. Achingly familiar. He’d watched Ianto sleep hundreds of times but now it was different. The reality of the situation tugged at him and he couldn’t put it out of his mind.

‘Jack?’ It was Gwen.

Jack glanced at her. ‘Hey.’

‘Have you been here all night?’ she said, stepping closer to him.

‘Yeah. Didn’t want to leave him.’

‘He’s still unconscious?’

Jack tensed. ‘I…had to put him out again.’

There was a silence. Gwen seemed tense, like she was working up to saying something. Jack let her.

‘Jack…’ she said slowly.

He said nothing, just waited for her to continue.

‘Andy just rang me. They…found a body last night. This…young guy. He…had…p…puncture marks in his neck and…most of his…blood…had been…drained away.’

Jack’s head snapped towards her. ‘What?’

‘It was Ianto, Jack. It had to be.’

Jack pushed to his feet and glared at her. ‘It was not Ianto.’

‘Jack, come on. Who else could…’

‘There are other vampires in Cardiff. It could have been any of them. It was **not** Ianto! Do you fucking hear me? It wasn’t Ianto.’

‘What are you arguing about?’ asked a small voice.

Jack turned. Ianto was standing in front of the glass gazing at him. His voice sounded tiny, almost frightened, like a child who’d discovered his parents arguing. He was almost like himself again.

‘It’s nothing,’ said Jack. ‘Are you all right?’

Ianto blinked. ‘Yes.’ He smiled. ‘Are you talking about the boy?’

Jack tensed. ‘It wasn’t you. I know it wasn’t. You **wouldn’t** do that.’

Ianto’s silvery eyes sparkled and his smile spread across his face. ‘But I did. I fucked him, sunk my teeth into his neck and _drank him dry_.’ He laughed. ‘He was delicious.’


	12. Chapter 12

Two days. Ianto had been locked in the cell for two days, starving. Jack had watched him, every single moment, even when Ianto was so far away from himself that Jack could hardly bear it.

The mood swings were the worst. Ianto went from that quiet, dark evil, to absolute fury and desperation. Jack felt fear and sickness coursing through him at the sight of _his_ Ianto consumed like that.

In that last hour, Ianto began to shake. His face went grey and he looked sick, weak. But Jack could still feel the strength of that vampire inside him, stronger with desperation.

‘Gwen, go home,’ Jack said.

‘But…if you’re going to…’

‘Hush,’ said Jack, aware that Ianto was listening. ‘You shouldn’t be here. Go home. It’ll be all right.’

Gwen hesitated, then nodded. She bit her lip. She knew too that this might be the end. He reached out and pulled her into a hug, buried his nose in her hair. Smelt her hair. Breathed her in.

Would he see her again? What would she be left with? Would she come in to find them both dead in the cell? Or Ianto dead? Or maybe just Jack dead on the floor and Ianto loose, ready to hurt her? He would lock them in the cell together so if it didn’t work, Ianto couldn’t hurt her.

In the cell, Ianto laughed quietly as he watched Jack and Gwen embrace. ‘Say your goodbyes!’ he said, almost singing with happiness. ‘You won’t see him again, little girl.’

Jack ignored him. He took Gwen’s hand and squeezed it. ‘I’ll walk you out.’

Gwen had never held onto him so tightly, but then she was gone. Maybe she would find both their bodies in the morning.

Jack watched Ianto on the CCTV, watched him pace and shake with anger and hunger.

Jack slipped his hand into his trouser pocket. The bottle was still there. He smoothed his fingers over the neck of it, then slowly withdrew it.

All this time, all this space, all this darkness. And now this could be it. The cure could kill him. Ianto could kill him.

He watched Ianto and blinked tears from his eyes. His final sacrifice, after so many deaths. This was the end. From Rose to Ianto.

_Thank you, Doctor_ , he whispered.

He opened the bottle and looked down at it. The liquid inside was thick and dark red, like blood. He raised it and inhaled the scent.

He heaved. It stunk like rotten flesh. He shuddered. He would have to drink this? But he would. He’d do it for Ianto.

He wished he could remember what the girl said he was supposed to remember. But it wouldn’t come. There was too much else in his head.

He breathed deeply, closed his eyes, held his nose and drank the liquid. He downed it in one, hoping he wouldn’t taste it too much.

It didn’t work. The taste invaded his whole body and he thought he might choke with it. He shivered, his veins tingling. He went weak. He sat down abruptly, fighting dizziness. Was this it? He couldn’t die before he’d even done anything to help Ianto!

He sat completely still on the floor, trying to clear his head. He tried to breathe slowly and deeply. He would be all right. In just a minute, he’d be fine.

He glanced up at the monitor, which still showed Ianto. He was now leaning against the glass, his eyes closed. He was still, apart from the slight shaking of his hands still pressed against the glass.

Without the malevolent glare, Ianto looked almost like himself again, just rather pale. Jack craved him, yearned to hold him in his arms and comfort him. But he couldn’t. Not yet. 

It was time to go downstairs. Jack took a deep breath and stood. He walked slowly down to the cell, as if he was going to his own execution. He might as well have been.

Ianto was crumpled on the floor, shivering. He needed blood. _Any_ blood. He heard a sound and his head jerked up. Jack. Ianto grinned. He could _hear_ the blood rushing through his veins. What else mattered but that? Ianto licked his lips. He would have him; have that thick, life-giving blood coursing through his veins. Ianto would drink it, savour the taste, swallow Jack’s life down.

He leapt to his feet, eyes blazing, fists clenched, a figure of towering strength. He smirked at Jack.

‘I can smell you,’ he hissed. ‘Smell your _blood_.’

Jack was reminded of Owen stepping into that cage with a weevil. He was going to be ripped apart. He had to have faith that this would save Ianto. But even if it didn’t, Gwen would know what to do. She would be safe. She would sort out Torchwood. But it had to be Jack. It was their best chance for surviving this. Together.

‘I can smell your fear, little boy,’ Ianto sneered. ‘You _should_ be scared. It’s going to hurt so much. Oh…how I’m going to _tear_ you.’

Jack swallowed. Of all his deaths this would rank as one of the most unpleasant. It could be final. He could be raped and tortured until he died. How long would it last? Surely Ianto was so starved he would just drink him and be done?

Jack was the closest he’d ever been to saying a prayer. He thought of all Ianto’s prayers, the prayers to God Jack’s sweet boy had whispered in the dark in times of fear.

_Now I lay me down to sleep,_   
_I pray the Lord my soul to keep;_   
_Should I die before I wake,_   
_I pray the Lord my soul to take._

That was the one Jack had heard most often. Ianto, the old Ianto, whispered it in the darkness, half to himself when he felt there was nothing but death all around him.

Jack didn’t believe in any Lord. But he had one hope. That hope would always be there, his hope for the universe. ‘In your honour,’ he murmured.

He opened the cell door and stepped inside, locking it quickly behind him.

Ianto was so surprised that Jack would walk to his own death so readily that he froze, expecting some trick. He grinned, revealing his teeth, as he stared at Jack.

Jack summoned all the bravery he could muster. For Ianto. For the Doctor. For Gwen. For all of them. He took a deep breath, his heartbeat thundering in his ears.

‘Come on, then,’ he said gently. ‘Do you want me or not?’

Ianto glared for one long moment and then lunged forward.

Jack glimpsed a flash of white fangs. 

‘I bring life,’ he breathed.

Those sharp fangs tore into him, ripping skin, spilling blood. Jack whimpered as pain invaded him, then, mercifully, the darkness came.

The Vampire fed eagerly, desperately, thoroughly; the man in his arms fading faster and faster as deep red blood poured into his mouth from the puncture in that soft neck.

If he had not been draining the man’s blood, he would have crushed him to death by now, so urgent was his feeding. He held his prey like a rag doll, tasting that essence, feeling it pump through his own veins and filling him properly.

He tingled with power, softly rocking against the flaccid body in his arms. He sucked harder and harder, ensuring every last drop was gone. He was tired of this human. This meddlesome man. He wanted to make sure he did not come back.

But he consumed his scent nonetheless, that powerful, erotic smell. It pulled at him, consuming him, stronger even than the scent of blood.

Pleasure racked his body, filling his insides. He was strong again, hard again, _alive_. He climaxed as the thrill of his feed, the triumph of his kill, the rush of blood in his flesh overwhelmed him.

He went rigid against the lifeless body in his arms and screamed out his release for several seconds. A roar of victory filled the cell, filled the whole hub and echoed through to the ground above. And then he began to laugh.

He let the man drop to the floor and staggered against the wall for support, dazed with pleasure. It was so good. He smirked at the body by his feet and wiped his blood-smeared mouth.

‘I’m going to count to one hundred,’ he panted. ‘If you haven’t come back to life by then, I’ll…’

But he couldn’t finish the sentence. His head felt foggy.

‘Oh,’ he groaned. ‘That was such a good….’ Again, he lost his words. He dropped to the floor.

‘What have you done?’ he cursed through gritted teeth. ‘You fucking _stupid_ little man. You can’t kill me! I am _forever_! Do you hear me? Do you _fucking_ hear me? You can’t get rid of me. I’m forever!’

The cell around him began to blur. Tingling overtook him, rocking his entire body. He jerked against the floor, fighting it with every inch of himself. He wasn’t going to give up. He was forever. He was fucking forever. He shuddered, prone on the floor.

And then the darkness claimed him too.


	13. Chapter 13

_They floated together, holding each other. Hands on hands. Fingers caressing. Whispered words in the air between them. Ianto smiled and it turned into a giggle, snuggling into Jack. Jack let out a laugh too. All was right. They collapsed into giggles together. Together forever._

The cell _stank_ of death. It consumed the air.

Two bodies lay on the dirty floor. Two lost lovers. Hurt. Soiled. Broken.

The floor was dashed with blood.

There was a gasp, an ear-bursting breath of air.

Ianto was awake. He screamed.

The blood throbbed through him, nourishing him. It coursed through his veins and he remembered his feed. He laughed out loud, sneering at Jack’s prone and stiff body.

‘Oh I see. Clever fucking trick. Tried to poison me did you?’ He snorted and went to stand up. But he was unsuccessful. His legs would not respond. Suddenly, something else filled him up. His eyes fell on Jack.

‘Jack?’ What had happened to him? ‘Jack? What’s going on? Jack! Come back! Please, Jack, I’m scared.’ He screamed in pain as a spasm in his stomach gripped him.

The next sound was another sudden intake of breath. It was Jack. He lay gasping for several long seconds, eyes wide at the ceiling.

Ianto snarled. ‘Knew you wouldn’t fucking stay dead!’ He threw his head back as another spasm rocked him and he screamed. ‘Jack! Help me! Please! Help me!’

Jack sat up instantly. His face was white. He blinked as the room, and Ianto, came into focus.

‘Ianto?’ he whispered.

‘Jack…what’s _happening_? Have I been shot?’

Jack couldn’t believe it. Ianto was back. He had Ianto back!

But then there was another piercing scream. Ianto was in agony. Jack flailed towards Ianto on all fours.

‘I’ve got you!’ he cried, pulling Ianto into his arms. ‘Ianto, I’ve got you. You’re gonna be okay.’

‘Hurts,’ whimpered Ianto. ‘All hurts.’ His body jerked and writhed, like he couldn’t control his own limbs.

He screamed into the air, eyes wide and staring.

His eyes changed, became violent, penetrating, hate-filled.

‘Fuck you!’ he hissed. ‘I can’t die. You can’t kill me. I’m forever. I’ll have you. I’ll feed on you forever; kill you over and over again. You’re _my_ human, do you know that? I’ll have you, take you, fuck you and make you die over and over again and you’ll have no choice. I’ll keep you, drain you every fucking day. And you’ll beg me to do it over and over again.’

Ianto’s body jerked again and he choked on his own snarls.

Jack no longer knew what was happening. Was it the Vampire or was it Ianto?

He was answered as Ianto’s shaking reduced to a quiver, and his soft voice returned.

‘Jack,’ he whimpered. ‘It’s dying. Jack, please.’ Ianto’s white fingers gripped onto Jack’s arm tight. ‘I can’t. It’s too strong. Don’t wanna go. Please. Help.’

Jack felt hot tears fall freely down his face as he rocked Ianto and kissed his head. ‘You’ll be okay now. It’s all right. I’ve cured you,’ he soothed.

Ianto gasped, struggling for breath. ‘No. Not enough. Can’t. He…it…can’t let go. Jack, _help_.’

‘Ianto, what should I do? _Tell_ me what to do.’

Ianto’s eyes shone. There was blue in his eyes again. But the silver was still there. He wasn’t himself, not yet.

He snarled at Jack, baring his teeth. They were still fangs. ‘You can’t have him. You can’t get rid of me. I’m here. I’m always going to be here. He’s gone. He’s dead.’

‘No,’ Jack sobbed. ‘No! Please no…’

Ianto held onto Jack with bruising fingers. His eyes closed.

He was dying. Jack could _feel_ the life fading away from him.

This was what Jack had always dreaded, since the very first time he’d felt something for Ianto. He’d always known Ianto would die. But this? This wasn’t fair! Ianto wasn’t even dying as himself.

Hot tears spilled down onto Ianto from Jack’s eyes. ‘Please,’ he whispered. He held Ianto tight. ‘Please, don’t go now. Let me have _you_ back for a little while. Please.’

Ianto drew in a ragged breath. Jack saw that his fangs had gone.

‘Ianto,’ he whispered. ‘Ianto, please, _please_ be you, please.’

Ianto’s eyes opened and they were blue. Real blue. Soft blue. The same old eyes Jack remembered.

There was kindness in his eyes, shining love in his eyes, sadness in his eyes.

‘I think…I’m gonna die, Jack,’ he whispered. ‘I’m…sorry. I was…so… stupid…’ he gasped. He raised a hand, curled it around Jack’s neck in a caress. ‘I just…wanted _you_.’

Tears shone in Ianto’s eyes and his voice broke with sobs. ‘I didn’t…want you to…be on your own…forever.’

Both their bodies shook with sobs. Jack was watching Ianto drift away. He was watching him die and there was nothing at all he could do about it.

‘Ianto,’ he whispered, cradling his boy close to him. ‘I’m sorry. I let you down. I’m so sorry.’

Ianto was drifting away. Jack cradled him in his arms, holding his head to his chest.

‘It’s all right,’ he whispered, though he knew Ianto could no longer hear him. ‘I won’t forget you. I’ll keep you inside forever. I promise. I’ll hold you. I won’t let you down anymore.’

He knew the words sounded silly. He knew he was skirting around the words he really wanted to say.

He caressed Ianto’s beautiful face and he knew he couldn’t avoid it any longer. It was now or never. He knew he should have done it long ago. He felt it, of course. He had for so long.

He brushed his thumb over Ianto’s red lips, caressed his cheek with soft fingers.

‘Ianto,’ he whispered and he wondered whether this would be the last time he whispered his boy’s name to him. ‘ _Ianto, I love you.’_

He thought he saw a smile grace Ianto’s lips. But then Ianto’s breathing stopped, his eyes went glassy, his body stilled and Ianto…Ianto was dead.

Jack couldn’t speak. His words echoed through the cell. They were all that mattered.

Jack cradled his beloved boy, rocking him and humming softly to him, waiting for his own heart to break.


	14. Chapter 14

_He stretched a cold and empty hand. It touched nothing. He tried again. Was he dead?_

_Darkness. He couldn’t remember anything. Where he was, why he was here? What had happened? He tried to breathe but there was pressure around his throat. The dusty air, the thick scent, was choking him. He kicked out in a panic and finally took a jerking breath._

_At last his fingers touched something. Wet. Still dark. But in his mind’s eye he knew it was blood on his fingers. Blood on the dank earth. He clawed at the ground. Was he buried?_

_He grabbed at the ground but it crumbled beneath him. Breathless, he lay still, shivering. Then he heard it. A whisper. ‘If I could…’ it said. ‘I’d do anything.’_

_‘What have I done?’ he said to himself, and heard his voice crack. ‘What have I done to you?’_

_He could taste the dirt. He felt so cold. But then a light fell on his face. He winced. A small opening. He tried to move towards it but his legs wouldn’t respond. He tried to drag himself along._

_That whisper again. ‘Forever,’ it said. ‘Be with me forever.’_

_‘Yes,’ he replied. ‘Forever. I won’t let you down.’ Blood and dirt clung to his fingernails. Using all his strength, he scrabbled towards the light, his legs a deadweight behind him._

_The light brightened. Where was he going? It was warm on his face. He was getting closer. To something. To him? He could save him. There was still time._

_He clawed again and again, the earth giving way, the heat rising, the light blinding. Beads of sweat laced his forehead. He wiped his face with his hand. The sweat was red. He was sweating blood. He gasped in horror. Then he began to claw in earnest. He didn’t have much time. His body became heavier and heavier, the air around him denser. He was choking._

_‘I’m nearly there!’ he cried out. ‘I won’t let you go. I’ll never let you go!’_

_But weakness overtook him. He needed something. He needed strength. He had such **thirst**. He lurched forwards but his arms wouldn’t respond. He couldn’t move. He lifted his head towards the light._

_He could see a face. A pale face. A dead face._

_‘No!’ he screamed. ‘We’re forever! Forever!’_

_And then the earth, the dirt, the **blood** , filled his mouth. Incense filled his nostrils. He coughed and spluttered._

_The light was brighter than ever. Warmth surrounded him. But he could not move, nor speak, nor breathe. His eyelids began to fall. He was so close. He was nearly there._

_‘I **will** find you.’ The words echoed around him. And then there was nothing. _

Gwen hadn’t slept. She hadn’t even tried. She’d sat huddled up on the sofa, hugging her knees, all night long. Rhys had stayed with her at first but he kept nodding off and snoring in her ear so Gwen had sent him off to bed.

She kept imagining what was happening. Was Jack dead all ready? She knew it was possible. Or maybe Ianto was dead, never to return and she would find Jack crumpled over him, holding him and refusing to let him go.

Or perhaps Ianto would still be that _dark_ creature and would be waiting for her to return so he could feed on her too.

She watched dawn approaching. It was nearly time to go into work. She shook her head to clear it and went for a shower.

The hub was silent and dark when she got there. She swallowed hard, gripped her gun and slowly, very slowly, made her way downstairs to the cells.

She breathed deeply and tried not to imagine what could await her.

The cell lights were on. On the floor was a heap.

Gwen slowly stepped closer. It was Jack and Ianto of course. Ianto was lying on his back with Jack’s arms around him, being held close.

Their eyes were closed and they were still, so still.

Gwen felt a sob rising up in her throat. Were they dead? They weren’t moving at all.

Gwen stepped right up to the glass and peered through it. Ianto was so pale. His eyes were closed and he looked so peaceful. He wasn’t breathing.

Gwen looked at Jack. Was he dead too? He held Ianto so close against him that Gwen couldn’t tell if he was breathing or not.

She stared into the cell. ‘Jack,’ she breathed. ‘Can you hear me?’

Jack didn’t stir but Gwen could suddenly see that he _was_ breathing. He hadn’t died!

Gwen knocked on the glass. ‘Jack, Jack!’ she called. 

Suddenly, Jack jerked. His eyes opened and he looked up at her. ‘Gwen! Is it morning?’

‘Yes. Is he…’

Jack looked down at Ianto. ‘Ianto,’ he breathed. ‘Ianto, can you hear me?’

‘Jack!’ called Gwen. ‘Is he _safe_?’

‘What? Yes, of course. But he’s not…responding…he’s…’

Gwen tapped the door panel and flew into the cell, skidding to a halt by Ianto and dropping down onto her knees beside him.

She checked his pulse. Nothing.

‘Jack, I think…’

Jack shook his head. ‘No, no!’ He gathered Ianto up in his arms and held him in his lap, his head snug against his chest. Ianto was _so_ pale.

‘Ianto, Ianto,’ Jack murmured. ‘Come on. Wake up. _Please_.’

Gwen didn’t say anything else. She shuffled closer to the two of them and put her arms around them. Ianto was cold.

She put her head on Jack’s shoulder and stroked Ianto’s cold forehead. Not another death. They couldn’t go on after this. They couldn’t. She couldn’t. Jack couldn’t, not after everything. This was the end.

‘The end is where we start from,’ she whispered. Would that work now?

Jack pulled away, taking Ianto with him. ‘Don’t be so fucking stupid,’ he snapped. ‘Ianto’s dead! What the hell is there to start from?’

He pulled Ianto up closer, holding him up, holding him against him and kissing his brow. There was no hope in his eyes. There was only despair.

Gwen hunched up, hugging her knees and watched them. Jack was right. There was nowhere to go after this; nothing more in the world.

The sound of silence filled the cell. There was nothing. Only emptiness. And three figures still on the ground.

Jack hadn’t moved or spoken for a long time. He lay on the floor with his face buried in Ianto’s neck. Gwen thought he might be crying. He was shuddering but he wasn’t making any noise.

Gwen looked away. She didn’t want to see anymore. It couldn’t be real. It couldn’t be.

But she could feel Ianto lying there, still and lifeless.

She pressed her face into her arms, resting on the floor and listened to the soft sound of breathing. Jack’s breathing was ragged and Gwen could hear it hitch every so often. She kept her own breathing quiet. She was scared if she let go she’d burst into tears and never stop.

There was a sudden jerk of breath and a groan. That was it. Jack had given in and was sobbing.

‘Jack,’ hissed a voice, thick with pain. ‘Jack, help.’

Gwen jerked her head up and the first thing she saw was Ianto’s hand, clenching.

She was up in a second and sprawling over to Ianto’s side. ‘Ianto,’ she gasped.

Jack sat up and stared down at Ianto. Ianto was awake, breathing, _alive_.

‘Ianto, you’re alive, you’re okay!’

Ianto peered blearily up at Jack. ‘Jack, what happened? I feel weird.’

Jack gathered Ianto into his arms and supported his head on his lap. ‘You don’t remember?’

Ianto shook his head. ‘Have I…been shot or something?’

‘No, you…you’re gonna be all right now.’

Ianto reached for Jack’s hand and wrapped his fingers around it tightly. ‘I remember your voice,’ he whispered. Then he closed his eyes and went to sleep with a smile on his face. 

His face was so white. Yet his hand was warm. Jack held that thin hand in his own, hoping that the touch alone would awaken him. _His_ Ianto.

He sat poised at the bedside, watching Ianto’s chest rise and fall. He was _alive_. Alive. He squeezed that hand, hoping for a reaction. Any reaction. None came. Ianto’s chest continued to rise and fall beneath the sheets.

Jack was then aware of a presence behind him.

‘Jack,’ said Gwen softly. ‘I can watch him for a bit if you like. You get some sleep.’

‘No,’ said Jack quietly. 

‘Jack,’ said Gwen again. ‘You look awful. Please.’

‘I said no, Gwen.’ His voice was weak. He didn’t take his eyes off Ianto, still caressing that thin hand. ‘You should though. Go home or something.’

‘No, Jack,’ she said. ‘You’re not leaving him so I’m not leaving you.’

The night came and went. Mercifully, there were no dramas, no rift activity, not even any weevil sightings. It was as if the whole of Cardiff was lying low in wait. In wait with Jack and Gwen. For Ianto to wake up.

Two cold mugs of coffee stood on the tray. Ignored. Ianto had been talking and whimpering in his sleep. Gwen watched as Jack soothed the young man.

‘Cold,’ murmured Ianto. But he was sweating. ‘Cold night.’

‘His fever’s breaking,’ said Gwen. ‘He may wake up soon.’

Jack said nothing. He simply continued his tender ministrations. His eyes betrayed a pain that Gwen had never seen from Jack before.

‘What will you tell him? When he wakes up?’ she asked. Her voice was low, considered. She was _handling_ him.

‘I don’t know,’ replied Jack through gritted teeth. ‘I just want him back. I’ll deal with the rest as it comes.’

‘Someone has to think of the consequences, Jack. He’s taken an innocent life.’

‘It wasn’t him!’ hissed Jack, glaring furiously at Gwen. She flinched.

Ianto coughed. His eyes opened.

‘Ianto?’ whispered Jack, leaning into him.

‘Jack? What…happened? ‘M tired.’ He closed his eyes again, appearing to fall back into a deep sleep.

Gwen felt his forehead. ‘He’s cooling down. He just needs more rest. I’ll add more to his drip feed.’

‘Quite the makeshift doctor,’ said Jack, still watching Ianto. Then his eyes found Gwen’s. They were full of apology. ‘Thank you.’

‘I watched Owen. A lot.’ She smiled. Then her eyes flickered with concern. ‘He won’t be the same now, Jack. How will he live with himself?’

‘He’s strong,’ said Jack firmly, stroking Ianto’s face. ‘And so am I. We’ll get through it together.’

‘ _Together_.’ It was Ianto. Eyes still closed. Barely a breath. ‘ _Forever_.’


	15. Chapter 15

Jack felt weak himself. He knew he’d been awake too long. But he couldn’t leave Ianto, no matter what. Gwen was in and out. She was getting tired too, but she wouldn’t leave. She’d stepped back into Jack’s office to call Rhys and let him know she was staying.

Jack couldn’t stand it any longer. They’d already taken Ianto’s jeans and shoes off to make him more comfortable and Jack now pulled back to strip himself down to his shirt and boxers before climbing into bed with Ianto.

Ianto whimpered in his restless sleep but his head came to rest on Jack’s shoulder. Jack put his arms around him and held him close, as though he could pass strength to him.

Gwen came back. She didn’t say anything, just stood back away from the bed watching them. ‘Do you want me to go?’ she asked. Her voice was small and she sounded as if she really didn’t want to go anywhere.

Jack shook his head and held out his hand to her. She lurched forward and took it. Jack gave her a little tug. ‘Stay,’ he whispered. ‘Stay with us.’

She took her shoes and jacket off and climbed into the bed. He slipped on arm around her and she rested her head on his shoulder. She reached across to Ianto and held his hand.

‘Come on, Ianto,’ she whispered. ‘You can pull through this.’

Jack kissed Ianto, then Gwen on the tops of their heads. ‘We’ll get through, all of us together. You hear me?’ he asked them both. ‘It will **be** okay.’

Gwen closed her eyes. Yes. They had each other. They would get through it.

Jack, with Gwen and Ianto both in his arms asleep, gazed up at the dark ceiling. ‘It will be okay.’

_Darkness surrounded Ianto. Coldness; icy, bone-cracking cold. Jack. Jack was somewhere near him. He tried to reach out, to feel him but his hands wouldn’t work. There was no strength left in his body. He could hear singing. A sweet voice drifting over the thick air. Or were they words?_

_His head swam, dizziness overtaking his body. He called out Jack’s name but his voice went nowhere. It fell into the suffocating silence._

_He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t think. He tried to force his eyes open but nothing happened. He could feel something on his cheek. Something splashed. A teardrop. He knew it was a teardrop. He heard gentle sobs. Soft words. A murmur in the darkness. Jack? He tried to listen but the quiet nothing rang in his ears._

_Then it all changed. There was bright light, so bright it hurt. He cried out, his throat burning at the strain. Suddenly, he could see nothing but red. Dark, deep, pulsing red; everywhere. They were drowning. Together. They were drowning._

Ianto woke to darkness and fear shot through his entire body. But then he felt warmth. He turned his head and felt Jack’s warm chest against his cheek. Ianto let out long breath. Just a nightmare. Nothing to get worked up about.

He wrinkled his brow trying to remember. He felt like something had happened, something important.

He searched his mind for it but nothing would come. He could see Jack’s face in his mind. He could see tears in those crystal blue eyes. He wanted to reach out and wipe the tears from his cheeks but he felt too weak. Nothing would come.

Ianto opened his eyes and looked across at the other side of the bed. There were eyes watching him. Soft brown eyes. Familiar eyes.

‘Gwen?’ he whispered.

She smiled at him. ‘You’re awake.’

‘Yes. Why do I feel so weak and…pardon me, I don’t wish to be rude, but is there a reason you’re in our bed, and does Rhys know?’

Gwen smiled. ‘You sound like your old self again.’

Ianto frowned. ‘Did I change? Gwen, tell me what’s been going on.’

Gwen frowned. ‘I don’t think I should. Jack will tell you. You…did change though. Do you feel different?’

Ianto hesitated. ‘Yes. I…there’s something inside me…something I can’t get hold of. It feels like…like it’s a bad thing, like it’s going to hurt when I reach it, like it’s something I don’t want to face.’

Gwen bit her lip. ‘I think it’s something you’re going to have to face… eventually.’

Ianto looked away. ‘Yes, I suppose so.’ He sighed heavily and turned his face into Jack’s chest.

Gwen watched him. He breathed slowly and nuzzled into Jack, seeming to take comfort in his presence.

Then, to her surprise, he reached out, took her hand and held onto it tightly.

Gwen squeezed Ianto’s hand as they drifted on the edge of sleep. She wanted him to know that everything would be all right. But that was ridiculous. Ianto had no idea that things weren’t all right to begin with.

But she’d keep him safe. She closed her eyes tight as she imagined what was to come. For Ianto. For Jack. For Torchwood. After everything, still so broken. _More_ broken. And yet the three of them lay together, supporting each other, close to each other, like siblings. Lost children.

She smiled to herself. Like Never Never Land. Jack was Peter Pan, the boy who never grew up. She was Wendy. And Ianto was a lost boy. Images painted her mind as sleep began to claim her. Her body ached into the bed. She was sinking, sinking away as she saw them playing together as children, laughing, carefree happy.

‘Ianto!’ Jack screamed. Gwen’s eyes snapped open. Jack was sitting bolt upright in bed, staring wide eyed into the darkness.

‘I’m here, Jack,’ whispered Ianto weakly. He placed a hand on Jack’s trembling arm. ‘I’m right here.’

Gwen realised she was still holding Ianto’s hand. She let go as the two men leant into each other. She watched Jack lie back down next to Ianto, cold fear in his eyes.

‘It’s okay, Jack,’ whispered Ianto.

Gwen found herself on her feet. Without realising it, she’d silently slipped out of the bed and was edging out of the doorway.

‘I’m going to make a cup of tea,’ she said feebly.

They didn’t hear her. She disappeared down the corridor, the abrupt awakening from the sleep she so needed leaving her dizzy. She fought back the tears threatening to overwhelm her and made her way to the kitchen.

Back in the bed, the two men held on tight to each other. They stayed quiet for some time, finding comfort in one another’s presence. But eventually, Jack knew he needed to speak.

‘What do you remember?’

‘Nothing,’ said Ianto quietly. He shifted even closer to Jack. ‘Well. I remember you pushing me away and…storming out.’

‘I came back.’

‘Yeah. You’d been standing up on your roof trying to freeze yourself to death.’

Jack caressed Ianto’s arm, stroking his smooth skin. He sighed sadly. Then he raised Ianto’s chin and kissed him deeply, softly. Ianto moaned and relaxed into the kiss. Jack pulled back and settled Ianto on his chest.

‘I’m…sorry,’ said Jack, simply. ‘I didn’t _mean_ to… push you away.’

‘I know,’ said Ianto. ‘But there’s more, isn’t there?’

‘No,’ answered Jack, quickly. ‘No. Everything’s okay now.’

‘Then what happened?’

‘Nothing happened… just…’ Jack squirmed. He wanted Ianto to stay safe. Warm. Held. He didn’t want him to have to hurt anymore.

‘Just what? I was injured somehow… wasn’t I?’

Jack took a deep breath but still said nothing.

‘How did I get here? Tell me, Jack. Please.’

‘Ianto, you made a decision that day which changed everything. Several days have now passed. Two weeks in fact. Do you remember what it was?’

Ianto frowned. He shook his head. He could hear Gwen in the distance. And was she burning incense?

‘No. What did I do, Jack?’

Jack was silent, trying to form the words.

‘Tell me, Jack!’ Ianto was growing more and more anxious.

Jack stared straight ahead. Maybe he need never know. Jack bit his lip. ‘You ran out on me.’ He tried to make it sound casual.

‘I… what?’

‘It was my fault; I upset you. You stormed out of the hub, but you slipped and fell. You hit your head. That’s all. You hit it pretty hard. You were in and out for a while. But now you’re back.’

Ianto couldn’t believe it. Jack watched his face before noticing Gwen had appeared in the doorway. She was carrying a mug. Her deep brown eyes bore into him. But she said nothing. She slowly walked away.

Ianto hadn’t noticed. ‘So I’ve…lost two weeks.’

‘Yep,’ lied Jack, expertly. ‘Thought you weren’t gonna wake up for a while there.’

‘But how did that change everything?’

Jack blinked and brushed Ianto’s hair off his face. ‘It changed because… I thought I’d lost you. That’s all.’

There was a long silence. Jack didn’t know if Ianto would buy that or ask more questions. He could hear his own heart racing.

‘Well you didn’t. I’m still here.’ His voice was gentle but his brow was creased, as if trying to work it all out. ‘And although I may storm out from time to time, I’ll always come back, Jack. You know that.’

Jack smiled weakly. ‘Good to have you back.’ His eyes searched Ianto’s. ‘I missed you.’

‘I missed you too, Jack. Feels like I’ve been gone forever!’

Jack swallowed. He felt the need to cover the reaction that word had provoked in him and kissed Ianto again, pressing his lover to him. They kissed for some time, remembering each other.

‘Careful. I’m delicate,’ murmured Ianto, grinning lazily. His cold hands found Jack’s skin and began to explore. ‘I feel weird, Jack. Make me feel better. Make me feel at home.’

Jack felt himself respond to Ianto’s warm, soft touches. He really had missed this.

‘Er… you really are delicate, you know. You should get some more rest.’

‘Mmmmm,’ said Ianto, before catching Jack’s mouth and kissing him so lovingly it took Jack’s breath away.

‘Oh Ianto,’ he breathed. ‘You really _are_ back.’

Jack stayed lying on his back, supporting Ianto who was cuddled up to his side. Both exhausted, they simply caressed one another, finding each other again with featherlike touches, becoming more and more intimate. Gentle and sleepy, minutes grew longer, and soon a warm wave of pleasure rose between them. Ianto let out a sweet moan.

‘Shh shh shh,’ said Jack, smiling softly. ‘Quietly…’

Ianto managed to restrain his noises to dry gasps as he rocked gently against Jack. It felt like _ages_ since Jack’s warm hands had been on him. Everything was so sensitive. He pushed forward into Jack’s hand and cried silently into his mouth as Jack kissed him deeply. He body shuddered as his climax rushed over him.

Jack felt Ianto’s hot seed spill over his fingers and then felt himself fall over the edge. He let out an uninhibited groan and came hard. Release, and relief, flooded his body.

As the room came back into focus, sleepy eyes looked back at him.

‘You took advantage of me in my weakened condition,’ breathed Ianto.

‘Mmmm,’ mumbled Jack.

‘I like it.’

Jack laughed. He heard a noise not too far away and remembered Gwen. He pressed a kiss to Ianto’s forehead.

‘Go back to sleep,’ he whispered. Ianto was already drifting into a peaceful slumber. Jack held him until he was sure he was fast asleep.

‘Dreams are like angels. They keep bad at bay. Love is the light scaring darkness away.’

He kissed Ianto’s forehead tenderly.

‘I’ll protect you, I’ll protect you, I’ll protect you…’

He felt his hot tears lace his cheek again. ‘Love is danger, love is pleasure. Love is pure, the only treasure.’ He gazed into Ianto’s face. ‘I won’t ever let anyone hurt you _ever again._ My boy, my boy.’ He kissed Ianto softly on the lips and held him close, rocking him gently. ‘It’ll be all right. You _won’t_ be hurt by this. I promise. I love you.’

He closed his eyes, tears still on his cheeks and buried his face in Ianto’s hair, breathing in that comforting familiar smell. There _was_ no incense, only Ianto. _His_ Ianto.


	16. Chapter 16

Ianto didn’t know how long he’d been sleeping for. He woke up in Jack’s arms, feeling calm inside. He picked up Jack’s wrist and looked at the time. It was early morning. Gwen wasn’t there. He wondered where she’d gone. He remembered her being there before. He remembered him and Jack rocking against one another, coming together, sharing soft kisses in the darkness.

He’d hit his head. That was what Jack had told him. Unconscious for _two weeks_? That didn’t feel right. Surely, it couldn’t be right. But that was what Jack had said and Jack wouldn’t lie. Jack evaded. Jack avoided. Jack refused to talk. But he didn’t _ever_ lie.

Ianto gazed into Jack’s face. Jack was sleeping. Ianto smiled at the sight, that peaceful expression on his face. It wasn’t often that Jack was so peaceful. Ianto frowned. But it wasn’t right. Last he remembered Jack had been cold and distant; broken by grief. How could Ianto bumping his head change all of that?

Ianto closed his eyes and concentrated on the feel of Jack’s arms around him. So familiar. He found himself thinking, for some reason, about tears. Hot tears falling on his face.

Ianto kept his eyes closed and thought about that. There was something important. Tears falling on his face and Jack’s arms around him. And desperate words whispered in the dark. What were those words? It felt important that Ianto should remember them but they wouldn’t come. Oh, _why_ wouldn’t they come? _Why_ couldn’t he remember what had happened?

He looked up at Jack, hoping to remember something more as he looked into his face. Jack’s eyes were open.

‘Hey,’ Jack whispered.

Ianto snuggled as close as he could to Jack. ‘Hey. It’s morning.’

Jack looked at his watch. ‘Yeah.’

Ianto reached up and stroked Jack’s cheek. His eyes were red, like he’d been crying.his watch. ‘ing. uld to Jack tears falling t he didn' lips, making everything all right. but e arrived where he w

‘I was remembering something,’ Ianto murmured.

Jack shifted. ‘It’s probably better if you don’t. There’s nothing to remember anyway. Just some bad dreams.’

Ianto looked up into Jack’s face. Jack tensed. _Please don’t remember_ , he thought.

Ianto smiled and caressed Jack’s cheek. ‘I remember…I remember you holding me and whispering to me. Was that when I fell?’

‘Must be, yes.’

‘I remember what you said, what you whispered to me. Did you mean it?’

‘I wouldn’t say anything to you I didn’t mean.’

Ianto frowned for a long time. ‘You’ve never said it before. I didn’t think you…felt it…ever.’

‘I meant it,’ Jack whispered, sure he knew what Ianto was talking about.

Ianto looked up into Jack’s face, his eyes wide and open. ‘I love you too, Jack,’ he said and let his eyes close.

Jack held him close, kissed him softly and beamed.

A couple of hours later, morning had definitely arrived. Jack got up and began to get ready for the day. Ianto was still asleep. Jack wasn’t sure where Gwen was.

He showered, then returned to the bedroom to get dressed. Ianto was awake, snuggled up on his front with the right side of his head resting on the pillow.

‘Hello,’ he said.

Jack smiled at him. ‘Hey. Do you need anything? I’m going to go and check everything’s okay upstairs.’

Ianto got a resolute look on his face. ‘I’m getting up today, Jack.’

‘Ianto, you need rest.’

‘Well, according to you, I’ve had two bloody weeks of rest! I want to get up. I’m not going to take no for an answer.’

Jack smiled. ‘All right, all right. But the moment you start to feel tired or weak, it’s back to bed.’

Ianto grinned. ‘Deal.’ Eager, he jumped out of bed and started to look for some clothes to wear. ‘Hey, where’s my suit? The blue one.’

Jack shrugged, his ears going pink. ‘Dunno. Maybe it’s dirty.’

Ianto frowned but ended up choosing his black suit with the purple-backed waistcoat and a purple shirt. He looked gorgeous and he felt at home. He thought about that. He felt strange still, like he’d been in the wrong body and had only now got back to normal.

He pushed the feeling aside and followed Jack up to the main hub for breakfast. Gwen was there. She looked tired and a little startled to see Ianto up and about. She hugged him tight.

‘How do you feel?’ she asked, rubbing his arm.

He straightened his tie. ‘A bit odd. But all right. I wouldn’t have thought a head injury would make me feel this…’ he strained for the right word but came up lacking. ‘Strange,’ he finished, uselessly.

Gwen glanced behind him at Jack. ‘Try not to worry,’ she said. She put on a smile. ‘I bought breakfast! Croissants for me and Jack and pain au chocolat for you, Ianto.’

‘Thank you, Gwen.’ He smiled. ‘You two had better be careful. You don’t want me to get used to this kind of treatment, do you?’

There were weak smiles and Ianto was aware of how closely they were watching him. The hub was a mess and Ianto itched to get started with the tidying up. He supposed he really _had_ been unconscious for two weeks. Either that or he’d gone mad and decided to neglect his duties.

Straight after breakfast, he decided to get cracking on making the hub halfway habitable again. He wanted things to go back to normal. He went off to clean and Gwen and Jack both went off to do their own work too.

He started off with the medical bay. It wasn’t too bad, only the floor hadn’t been moped in ages. Ianto did a quick tidy up, then got out the mop.

Just as he’d filled the mop bucket with hot soapy water, the mop itself went crashing to the floor. Ianto tutted and bent down to pick it up.

Something caught his eye. He frowned. There was a spot of blood on the floor. It wasn’t an unusual occurrence with all the bloody activities which went on here. But, for some strange reason, Ianto couldn’t stop staring at it.

He sat down on the floor and sat staring at the little spot of blood on the floor. His head pounded. There was something in there, something fighting to get out.

He squeezed his eyes shut. Blood. There was _something_ about blood. Maybe he was just remembering falling and hitting his head. He must have bled.

He swallowed and tasted blood. He could smell something strong, something sweet. His head swam. It thudded, as if trying to break down the walls of amnesia inside his head. Or maybe it was just his head injury.

He held his head in his hands as the memories beat at him. He remembered blond hair streaked with blood. He remembered anger. He remembered darkness. He remembered pain. He remembered _glee_.

He remembered words. ‘If I could find a way to be with him forever, I would. I’d do anything.’ He remembered writing them, in his diary. But they meant something else. He’d…done something. He knew. And it wasn’t just storming out on Jack. But what was it?

He opened his eyes and looked at the spot of blood on the floor. He could remember large, wise eyes gazing at him in a red room. ‘ _You want it so much. Are you prepared to accept the consequences?’_ Her voice. Soft and careful. His own; staunch and unwavering. _‘Yes. For Jack. I’ll do anything for Jack.’_

He’d done something. He’s done something terrible. He’d changed _everything_. He’d pursued that _‘forever_ ’. What had he done?

Duty. If all else failed, Ianto remembered his duty. His head swam and his ears thudded. He knew something was missing.

He walked around the hub. Once so familiar, it now felt foreign and cold. Hiding secrets from him. The blood. The feeling clawing at the back of his mind. They were lying to him. They had to be.

He swung into Jack’s office and found them talking. Quietly. Whispering. _Conspiring_. They both turned abruptly; the conversation juddering to a halt.

‘What are you hiding from me?’ asked Ianto. He was calm. Steady. But seething with anger.

‘What do you mean?’ asked Gwen. PC Cooper.

He gave her his best glare and she fell silent, looking to Jack.

Jack stood. ‘Are you feeling okay?’ he asked.

_Nice,_ thought Ianto. _Nice deflection. Obviously I’m imagining this whole thing._

‘I’m fine, Jack,’ he said evenly. ‘Getting better all the time.’

Jack seemed to go pale. Something had clearly gone wrong in his plan. Ianto felt his hands begin to shake.

Something flashed in his head. The cell. Jack. Pale, trembling. _Frightened_ of Ianto.

Ianto blinked and shook his head, disorientated. ‘What’s going on, Jack?’ He could hear his own voice shaking. ‘What am I remembering?’


	17. Chapter 17

‘Nothing,’ said Jack, quickly. ‘Ianto, this is just, it’s just broken dreams from when you were unconscious.’

‘Dreams?’ It came out as a sneer. ‘These are more than dreams, Jack.’ He looked back to Gwen. Her eyes were wide. He noticed a scar on her neck.

_A weevil, fighting him, struggling in his arms. But he was too strong. He was powerful, in control. He alone could stop the weevil._

Ianto shook his head and saw Gwen inside his head, bleeding. He watched her blood.

Ianto stumbled, dizzy and Jack rushed forward to steady him. Ianto shrugged him off. ‘I’m fine.’ Then he looked back at Gwen. ‘You were injured. A weevil… tore your jacket, made your neck bleed. I… saw it.’

‘Oh god,’ breathed Gwen.

‘What is this, Jack?’ Ianto yelled. ‘What happened? What have you done? What the fuck have you done?’

‘Calm down,’ said Jack; the leader, the Captain.

‘No. You’re lying to me. You’ve retconned me. You’ve fucking retconned me! Jack!’

‘I haven’t, I swear!’

‘Then why am I remembering these things? You _said_ I was unconscious. You were lying, weren’t you? Weren’t you?’

Jack opened his mouth to speak and then closed it again.

‘Ianto,’ said Gwen softly. ‘What do you remember?’

_The cell. The dingy lights, emptiness, coldness._

‘I was in a cell. Why was I in a cell?’

Neither of them answered. The room filled with uneven breathing.

_Blood._

‘And I was bleeding. No. You were bleeding…’ Ianto began to pace.

Jack stared on in horror.

_Taste._

‘I…tasted…what? What did I taste?’ Something light up in his mind. He looked up at Jack, his grey-blue eyes dark and moist.

‘You. Forever. I had you forever.’ His eyes gleamed.

Jack shivered. For one terrible moment it seemed the monster was back.

‘I was going to kill you,’ he breathed.

‘Nightmares, Ianto. Just nightmares,’ blurted out Jack desperately. ‘You were delirious. You murmured in your sleep. This never happened!’

But Ianto’s eyes focussed on something in the distance. Something hanging up on Jack’s coat stand. A fitted leather jacket. He’d seen it before. Recently. It was his. But how?

Jack followed his eye-line and thought fast.

‘I…bought it for you. Don’t you remember? It was before your accident. Maybe your mind still doesn’t….’

‘Stop it, Jack,’ Gwen whispered. She was gazing sadly at his desk. ‘This can’t go on.’

‘I bought it. I remember,’ said Ianto. ‘It wasn’t a dream. You retconned me.’ He turned to Jack, his eyes burning with anger. ‘How could you?’ he snarled. ‘You bastard!’

‘I’m trying to protect you,’ said Jack, though he didn’t know where his voice was coming from.

‘Bullshit!’

‘Ianto…’ Jack reached out to him. But Ianto raised his hand and slapped Jack sharply across the cheek. Gwen gasped in shock.

Jack hardly reacted. He took the blow and made no move to fight back. Ianto took it as conformation of his guilt. His deceit.

‘How could you do this to me?’ Ianto’s eyes blazed with fury. Jack tried to speak but words failed him. He felt he was watching a car wreck in slow motion.

‘Both of you. I want answers. Now.’

_Forever. If I could find a way to be with him…_

He felt himself swaying.

‘Ianto,’ spoke Jack softly. ‘I didn’t retcon you. I swear on my life.’

‘Ha!’ He laughed cruelly. ‘That’s a laugh. That’s a fucking joke! Which particular life would that be, Jack?’

_‘Tell me you don’t want me to fuck you so hard you go flying back to the stars and finally know some peace.’_

Ianto gasped. It was his voice he’d heard. He had said that. His hands shot to his ears in a futile attempt to block that dark voice.

Gwen shot to her feet. ‘Ianto, sweetheart, what are you remembering?’

‘Don’t, Gwen,’ Jack begged.

‘No, Jack!’ cried Gwen. ‘This could be dangerous!’

‘No!’ yelled Ianto suddenly. His face was white. Before either of them could react he bolted from Jack’s office and had disappeared through the cog door.

‘We need to go after him! Jack!!’ shouted Gwen.

But Jack simply slumped to the floor. Ianto would never be the same again. His boy.

There was something familiar in the cold, night air. Familiar like the hub. But different. Like déjà vu. If he hadn’t been retconned, then what the hell was this? What had he done?

He wasn’t looking where he was going. He kept his head down and walked fast through the streets. He wanted to get away from everyone. From everything. It was all so wrong. Maybe this was the nightmare and he was still unconscious in their bed. Jack would wake him soon.

He was jogged out of his thoughts by the laughter of some women gathered around a pub doorway, savouring the warmth as they dragged on their cigarettes. He glanced up momentarily. One of them was looking at him. No, through him. Like she’d seen a ghost. Unable to bear it, he scuttled away down a side street, furiously trying to avoid the world around him.

Away from the madding crowd and the intrusive streetlights, he paused to lean against a wall. Safe. In the dark. He closed his eyes and tried to breathe steadily. The cool air kissed his skin, caressed him with softness.

Betrayed. Alone. Afraid. If he couldn’t trust Jack, then there was nothing. It was too much. He couldn’t even cry.

He opened his eyes. Away from the lights of the main street, some stars were visible, peeking at him through the gaps in the buildings.

_Boy._

He felt his heart skip a beat.

_Boy. Fresh. Young. Throbbing._

What was that? Was it here? He studied the alley way more closely. He’d never been here before. He could hear music drifting out from a local club. _The After Dark club,_ he thought. He’d been there with friends from time to time.

_Boy._

He gasped. But the memory wasn’t a bad one. He stood still as a young man’s face appeared in his mind. Sweet. Cheeky. Wide eyed. Blond hair spiked up at the front. Ianto smiled. He was hot.

_Whimpering._

Ianto felt his body respond. He shifted uncomfortably. Was this a drunken encounter he’d long since forgotten? Must have been some time ago. It felt good. They’d fucked. Hard in an alleyway…

This alleyway.

Ianto shuddered. He’d never done that. He wouldn’t do that. Had he cheated on Jack? Is this what Jack wanted him to forget?

Panic pumped through his veins. He turned on his heel to leave the alleyway. But then he tasted it.

_Blood._

He quickly licked his fingers and studied them. There was no blood. He hadn’t bitten his tongue. He grimaced. As angry and hurt as he felt, none of this was going to away without their help.

His mind foggy, he again made to leave. But that’s when the truth jumped into his mind.

_He fucked him. Hard. No condom. It was rough. The boy was hurt. There was a love bite…no._

It wasn’t a love bite.

_‘If I could find a way to be with him forever, I would. I’d do anything.’_

The horror ripped through Ianto. The tears came freely and he fell to his knees. He cried out, falling onto his hands. His tears splashed onto the pavement beneath him.

‘No,’ he whimpered. ‘No. No, please, no.’

That’s what he said. So young.

‘No!’ he screamed. ‘It wasn’t me! It wasn’t!’

_Vampire_.

‘No! God, no…’

Gripped with despair, Ianto found his eyes had opened. His tears pooled between his hands on the dirty, damp ground. And a pair of tan boots was in front of them. Jack’s boots. Two strong hands brought him up to standing. Two blue eyes, eyes filled with enough pain to mirror his own, gazed right into his.

‘Come home, Ianto. Come with me. I’ll take care of you. I promise.’

Then Jack’s warm hand had his. And all Ianto could do was follow.


	18. Chapter 18

Jack’s office. A steaming mug of coffee. It looked perfect. Black, strong and hot. But he could smell that the taste wouldn’t be right. It wouldn’t taste good. Ianto hadn’t made it.

Jack wasn’t great at making coffee. He didn’t have the patience, the knowledge or the gentle touch.

Ianto didn’t know where Gwen was. He shivered and pulled the blanket tighter around his shoulders. A blanket. So now he was being treated like a casualty. Treated for shock.

He watched the steam swell into the air, the bitter smell of the coffee stinging his nostrils and cloying at the back of his throat. He felt the warmth of the steam on his face. He shivered again. He had changed everything. He had ruined everything and it would never ever be the same again.

He heard Jack close the door behind him. Ianto watched him calmly sit down behind the desk and for a moment, he was right back at school, in trouble and sitting awaiting punishment in the Headmaster’s office. Fourteen. He had plagiarised a friend’s essay during a moment of intense pressure. He remembered the panic clutching at him, the fear. He’d cheated, done something so bad that nothing would ever be the same ever. He laughed.

It startled Jack. ‘What’s funny?’ he asked quietly.

‘Nothing,’ said Ianto, wishing with all his heart he’d only committed plagiarism. The idea that at fourteen the very worst thing you could do was steal someone’s essay. And now this. This. Whatever _this_ was.

He blinked his red rimmed eyes hard and looked straight at Jack. ‘Are you going to tell me the truth now?’

Jack regarded him. Ianto had never seen him look so tired. What had he put him through? What had he done? He gripped his blanket tight. He supposed it was necessary. He did feel stunned. Maybe he was in shock. Maybe he was mad.

‘You didn’t hit your head.’

‘No shit, Sherlock.’

‘You remember changing something, don’t you?’

Ianto looked down, that lost boy again. ‘I…remember needing to do something,’ he began. Jack watched as his face displayed some resentment.

‘I remember desperately trying to find a way to change things. Because everything was broken. You were broken.’

Jack swallowed. ‘So this is my fault?’

‘I don’t even know what this is, Jack! Because you keep fucking lying to me.’

Jack flinched and looked away.

‘Who the fuck are you now?’ spat Ianto. ‘Well? Captain?’ His voice wobbled. He took a deep breath and tried to calm down. ‘Why do I get the feeling I can’t call you _cariad_ anymore?’

Jack looked more hurt than ever. ‘I’m trying to help you,’ he whispered.

‘Then tell me the truth! How could you lie to me?’

‘I was afraid you weren’t strong enough to face the truth. I wanted to protect you. I didn’t know it would come back…I didn’t know…I thought I could…’

‘Could what? Pretend it never happened?’

Jack looked away again. Ianto looked at him with disgust. Words failing him, he took a sip of the coffee and grimaced.

‘You still can’t make coffee. This is terrible. Tastes like…’ He stopped. For a moment the smell of coffee blended into a thick, spicy aroma. Incense. He put the coffee down.

Their eyes met across the desk. ‘I’ve tasted blood. I did it, didn’t I? That girl…I became a…it’s all so hazy.’

‘Vampire,’ said Jack. ‘In an attempt to become immortal, you decided to become a vampire. Nice choice, Ianto.’

The air between them became thick. Ianto’s eyes filled with tears.

‘I did it for you,’ he said quietly.

Jack was suddenly on his feet, palms down on his desk, face right in front of Ianto’s. Ianto jerked backwards.

‘For me?’ spat Jack. ‘You did this for me?’

‘Yes!’

‘Why, Ianto?’

‘I was trying to get to you, Jack!’ said Ianto, desperately. ‘To be strong for you because you were pushing me away, thinking I was gonna fucking die on you!’

‘It’s called grief, Ianto!’ shouted Jack. ‘We can’t all be neatly controlled and unemotional! My friends died! They were my family!’

Ianto was crying silently. He simply watched Jack. He’d never seen him like this. Jack continued, starting to pace.

‘I was grieving for God’s sake. I got upset. I’m sorry. But you don’t just go off and decide to change the laws of fucking nature to patch everything up!’

He looked back at Ianto, hating himself for being so angry. He gritted his teeth. ‘Why did you do it? Why?’

‘To be with you!’ gasped Ianto. ‘So you wouldn’t lose me!’

‘How could I not lose you?’ Jack was screeching now. ‘I lost everything you were to that thing! What the hell were you playing at? Messing with things you don’t understand!’

Silence. Jack slowly sat down. He was shaking.

‘What did I do, Jack?’ asked Ianto, softly. He wondered for a mad moment if he should give Jack the blanket.

‘Nothing,’ said Jack dismissively, waving his hand. ‘You did nothing. No harm done. Nothing.’

‘Nothing?’

Jack looked at him, looked at his sweet innocent boy. Ianto had to stay like that. He couldn’t know. He couldn’t know what he’d become. Jack and Gwen had known that dark creature, had had to face that evil. It wasn’t fair for Ianto to have to see it to. Jack couldn’t tell him. He didn’t care that he was lying. He hadn’t meant to get angry. Ianto looked so white, so thin, so small.

‘Nothing.’ Jack smiled. ‘Cariad.’ He cleared his throat, his voice croaking over the lie. ‘We looked after you.’

Ianto’s eyes were sad. They watched Jack for a few seconds before clouding over. ‘I can remember things. It’s all fuzzy. Weird. Images keep coming to me.’

Jack was studying him. ‘You may have been hallucinating. What you did…changed your body, your mind. Like a bad trip. Ever had one of those?’

‘Always avoided drugs if I could,’ said Ianto.

‘I tried it in the sixties,’ smiled Jack, weakly. ‘I was seeing Daleks for four days.’ He shuddered. ‘Never again.’

‘Maybe they were really there,’ said Ianto, steadily.

‘No,’ said Jack, understanding his point. ‘It was all in the mind. But it felt real. The unicorns gave it away.’

Ianto shook his head. His Jack. He was still here really.

‘So I didn’t do any harm? Really, Jack?’

‘No.’ It was a whisper.

Ianto was too tired to press the point. All that mattered right then was that they were together.

‘So, am I better now? I’m not…. I’m not going to need…blood…’

‘It’s over,’ said Jack firmly. He noticed Ianto was trembling. ‘It was a stupid, terrible mistake. I put it right. And you’ll be okay now.’

Ianto stared at him. ‘But what… are you going to do?’ he stammered.

‘What do you mean?’ asked Jack, confused.

‘With me. Now that I’ve done this.’ Ianto’s eyes were wide.

Jack laughed gently. ‘Oh I see. You think you’re in trouble?’ He smiled at his boy. ‘I have you back. That’s all I care about.’

Ianto frowned. ‘But, I should be fired. I should be retconned and thrown out.’

‘No,’ said Jack simply. ‘I have you back. You fucked up badly. But you’re back.’

Ianto frowned into his coffee. Jack wasn’t making sense. Maybe there were special rules for his lovers.

Jack noticed his confusion. ‘If you like I can ground you for a week with no TV?’

Ianto smiled and looked at Jack. ‘Just keep making me coffee.’

Jack smiled back at him. There he was. His boy. Home. Safe.

‘Come on. Let’s get some sleep.’

They stood, slow with fatigue, and made their way out of the office.

In the Tourist Office, Gwen switched off the CCTV monitor and put her head in her hands. What was Jack thinking? Ianto would remember, sooner or later. He would remember everything.

She picked up her belongings with a view to heading home, thoughts of retconning the three of them pounding in her mind. But she knew it wasn’t the answer. She swept the hair off her face and went home to the only strength she had left. Rhys.

Jack lay in bed, his arms around Ianto, holding him, cradling him against his chest. Ianto was asleep, deeply sleep. He wasn’t dreaming, Jack knew that. He wouldn’t wake up either.

Jack had slipped a sleeping tablet into his coffee. He knew Ianto would be mad if he found out but Ianto had to sleep. A nice long peaceful sleep. That would make everything okay. Yes. It would.

Ianto sighed and shifted in his sleep. Jack rubbed his back and kissed his brow. Jack’s boy. He was going to keep him his boy. He wouldn’t let him be changed. He couldn’t remember.

Jack closed his eyes. He should sleep too. He knew he should. Even Gwen had gone home and would be sleeping in Rhys’s arms.

Jack kept his eyes closed and gazed at the back of his eyelids. He breathed deeply, letting the smell of Ianto drift into his nostrils.

He watched the imaginary spots of colour drifting across his eyelids, echoes of the sights he’d seen all day. He could see two red spots.

He followed them idly, hoping they would send him to sleep. They grew right before his eyes, expanding and taking over his entire eyelids. Red, just red everywhere. He could feel hard ceramic pressing against his forehead.

Jack’s eyes flew open and he shook his head wildly. ‘No. No,’ he hissed. ‘I’m not seeing it. It’s not real. It’s not Ianto.’

Ianto shifted against him, murmuring softly in his sleep. He sounded soothed and calm. Jack pulled Ianto tight against him, brushing his lips against his brow.

‘It’s all right, my boy. You’re not going to remember that. I’ll keep you safe from it. You didn’t hurt anybody.’ He was telling himself more than Ianto.

‘Protect you,’ Jack murmured, brushing kisses across Ianto’s brow. ‘Keep the vampires from your door.’

A half remembered song. It seemed important.

_Angel. Blue eyes. On the dark side._

Jack wasn’t letting that through. He would protect his boy.

‘In love with you,’ Jack murmured.

He was fighting, fighting against the truth, pushing it down, pushing it away. He had to. He had to make it all right for Ianto. _Ianto_ was all that mattered.

The ceramic pressed against his forehead. Jack turned over and buried his nose in Ianto’s hair, breathing him in. He remembered the times those arms had wrapped around him; that scent had drifted over him; the times Ianto had soothed Jack’s nightmares away and made everything okay.

Ianto deserved the same. He deserved to have the nightmare taken away. He deserved to be soothed and protected from that pain, even if Jack had to take that pain on all by himself.


	19. Chapter 19

Nine o’clock in the morning. Working day. Cold sound in the air. Even after all of this, the empty desks belonging to Tosh and Owen still made Ianto ache. He picked up a bin liner and began to clean up. There wasn’t much to do; not without Owen’s trail of coffee cups, plastic wrapping and old pizza boxes. But this is how Ianto liked to start the day. Making everything clean and tidy.

Jack stood in the hot house and watched him through the dark window. Gwen stood by his side, looking between him and Ianto.

‘This is the second time he’s endangered all of us because of his love for someone,’ said Gwen. ‘He was just like this after Lisa. But you’re not going to suspend him this time, are you?’

Jack ground his teeth. ‘I need him here.’

‘Jack…’

‘I don’t want to hear it!’

‘He’ll remember, Jack. Sooner or later he’ll remember everything. And he won’t thank you for keeping it from him.’

Jack spun around and glared at her. ‘What can I do, Gwen? It wasn’t him! How do I tell him? You don’t even know…’

‘Know what?’ she asked sharply.

Jack swallowed and studied her. Her lips were thin, her eyes narrow.

‘I’m not stupid,’ she hissed. If she weren’t afraid of Ianto overhearing, she would be shouting. ‘I saw what he was capable of.’

‘But it wasn’t him!’

‘You keep saying that. But it was, Jack. It was him. A part of him. The worst of him. And that’s what he’ll remember.’

Jack closed his eyes and felt his body swaying. He felt so weak, inside and out. It claimed him, made him feel it every second. He felt a warm hand close on his shoulder.

‘Tell him,’ said Gwen softly. ‘And then we can help him.’

Jack shook his head. ‘ _My_ Ianto wouldn’t have done those things. Never. He did it for me; to be with me. Because he loves me. He didn’t know what he was bargaining with. They took his conscience, his soul, his love. It wasn’t him. It was a monster in his image.’

Gwen caressed his arm. ‘But still, you were all he could think about.’

Jack didn’t say anything, just put his head in his hands. His shoulders shook. Gwen put her arms around him. She held him and gazed down at Ianto busying himself.

‘Jack,’ she whispered. ‘People do terrible things. People with consciences; people with souls; people who haven’t made a deal with the devil; people who are drunk and people who are sober. A man hits his wife and says he does it because he loves her, or he was driven mad with passion or jealousy. And maybe that’s true. But the damage is still done.’

Jack’s breath hitched. Ianto was still making his way around the hub, tidying; putting everything back where it should be.

‘If you get drunk and then choose to drive home,’ continued Gwen, ‘you may have never intended to run someone over and kill them. But it’s still your fault. If he’s going to recover, he needs to know what he did.’

Jack winced. Why did she have to be right? Why couldn’t he just keep Ianto safe? Why couldn’t they just ignore the whole thing and get back to the way things used to be? Jack wanted his innocent boy back.

‘Give him the chance to learn, Jack. To grow. To atone. You don’t have the right to keep that from him. Would you be the man you are now if the Doctor hadn’t made _you_ face the truth?’

He turned and looked at her. Her eyes met his; big, sad and uncertain. He cupped her chin gently with one large hand.

‘Gwen Cooper,’ he croaked.

‘Gwen Cooper-Williams,’ she said with a grin.

Jack rolled his eyes. ‘Yeah, all right.’ He pressed a soft kiss to her cheek.

‘You make me better,’ he whispered.

‘I try,’ she sighed. ‘You’re quite the handful, though.’

Jack laughed. ‘Don’t push your luck, missy.’ He turned towards the door.

‘Where are you going?’ she asked.

‘To talk to Ianto,’ he replied, exiting the hot house with strength in his step.

The archives. Another comfort zone. Ianto stared at the stack of filing and tried to decide if he dreaded it, or if it would provide him with a little mindless relief. Or would it be too boring? He wanted his mind occupied. He didn’t want any more memories.

‘Fascinating cabinet?’ came Jack’s voice.

Ianto looked up, his brow wrinkling in confusion. ‘What?’

‘You were gazing at the cabinet,’ explained Jack.

‘Oh.’ Ianto shuffled the papers in his hands and frowned at his feet.

Jack smiled. ‘Join me for coffee when you’re ready?’

Ianto looked up and raised his eyebrow. ‘Actual coffee? Or is that Jack-speak for sex?’

‘Ianto Jones!’ scolded Jack. ‘Bad boy.’ His eyes twinkled.

Ianto smirked. ‘I aim to please, _sir_.’

Jack’s eyebrow shot up and he smirked back. ‘Sadly, it’s real coffee…on this occasion anyway.’

Ianto’s smile faded. He _had_ hoped for a proper distraction. But reality was against him. As usual. ‘I’ll just get this done.’

‘Good boy,’ said Jack, grinning again. He turned to leave.

‘Make your mind up, Jack,’ muttered Ianto.

Jack shot him a mock stern look and was gone.

The sound of _‘real coffee’_ didn’t sit well with Ianto. It sounded serious. Perhaps Jack had more to tell him. The only thing was, he wasn’t sure he wanted to know.

Two hours later, Ianto was still _just getting this done_. Jack was pacing in his office. Gwen was on the phone to the police station, trying to placate the sergeant who didn’t understand how a thief, upon being pursued by two coppers in the bay, had suddenly disappeared into thin air with nothing but an instant flash of light to suggest anything mysterious.

She tried not to think about Flat Holm and continued to persuade the sergeant to leave the matter with Torchwood. But she was distracted by Jack’s voice barking across the hub.

‘Ianto!’

It made both Gwen and Ianto jump. She glared at Jack who ignored her.

‘My office now. Or you’re going on report.’

Ianto rolled his eyes and reluctantly abandoned his filing. His mundane tasks had worked wonders and kept his mind peaceful. But now he was certain the serenity would come to an end. He trudged towards Jack’s office with a heavy head.

He entered the office and Jack scowled at him.

‘Sorry, sir,’ said Ianto, his eyes glinting with sarcasm.

‘Where’s the coffee?’ asked Jack.

‘You tell me,’ said Ianto. He was surprised, but he actually felt quite defensive. Angry, even. He didn’t want to have this conversation. He didn’t want to make Jack coffee. He wanted distraction. He wanted _something_ else. He shoved his hands in his pockets and dared Jack, eyes smoky.

Jack gazed at him. It was Ianto. His gorgeous Ianto. His beautiful boy. Suddenly, he didn’t want to talk.

‘Come here,’ he said softly.

‘No,’ said Ianto, with a slight pout.

Jack smirked. ‘Coffee’ was turning into sex after all. There was one flashing light in his brain telling him this was bad; this was not the plan. But he banished it instantly, forcing it away. He steadily walked around his office, pulling the blinds closed, and finally passing by Ianto to ensure the door was closed properly. His eyes barely left Ianto’s.

Ianto remained as still and relaxed as he could, but his whole body was tingling. This was much better. Anything but thinking. No thinking at all. Thinking just wouldn’t do.

Jack stepped into him. One large hand gently brushed Ianto’s thigh, moving up and down. Their lips were almost touching. Then he spoke so sweetly, so softly, that Ianto thought he would melt there and then.

‘Isn’t it a little early in the day for such abject disobedience?’ he breathed.

‘Apparently I have a backlog, sir,’ answered Ianto, before Jack leaned forwards and kissed him.

The moment their lips met, the intensity of their emotions and craving for each other hit them. Both tried to hold back but it was impossible.

Jack pressed close to Ianto, feeling them both flush. He edged back and opened his eyes to gaze at Ianto. Ianto’s eyes were heavy as he gazed lustfully back at Jack.

A cold memory flashed in Jack’s mind. ‘Ianto.’ His voice was sore. ‘We need to talk…’

‘No,’ said Ianto firmly.

Jack blinked in surprise.

‘No talking, Jack. No talking. No thinking.’

Ianto reached forwards and pressed his hands to Jack’s chest. He felt that strong immortal heart pound. Ianto trailed one hand down Jack’s body to his crotch. Jack gasped.

‘Ianto,’ said Jack again, trying not to press into his hand. ‘We…’

He was silenced with a kiss. Jack couldn’t hold back anymore. He pushed his tongue in for a proper, deep snog, and then his arms wrapped themselves around Ianto. Jack found his body rocking against Ianto’s, completely lost.

They staggered towards the desk, yanking off extraneous clothing and moaning into each other’s mouths.

Jack came up for air. ‘Oh god,’ he panted, removing his shirt as Ianto undid his trousers. ‘ _You_ are going to be in _so much_ trouble for this.’

‘Promise?’ rasped Ianto with a wink, ridding himself of his own shirt and helping Jack unfasten his belt.

‘I _think_ you’ll find,’ said Jack, pushing his naked boy onto his back on the desk and leaning over him, ‘that it was a threat, young man.’

He plundered Ianto’s mouth, feeling him wriggle beneath him. Ianto clutched at him and pressed against Jack’s hardness, grinding their erections together. He groaned loudly.

‘Just take me, Jack. Please,’ he whispered. Jack leaned back and fumbled with preparations for a moment, his cock bobbing out of his trousers. Ianto loved that; his old fashioned boss sporting such indiscretion.

He grinned and looked at his own pile of impeccable clothes casually discarded. They were so good together. Or more accurately, so naughty. He relaxed on the desk, waiting for Jack, feeling looked after. For a moment, it occurred to him that this made a nice change. _But a nice change from what?_

Jack leaned back over Ianto. Lovingly, he brushed Ianto’s hair back from his forehead and planted a gentle kiss on his lips as he lined himself up. Then he snaked his arms around Ianto’s quivering body and sank into him.

Gwen noticed the blinds had been closed. She knew what that used to mean. But now it had changed. She wasn’t sure if she should stay. What if Ianto couldn’t take it?

It was about Torchwood. But it was also about Jack and Ianto. It was they who would be the most affected.

She made her decision and opted for an early lunch break.


	20. Chapter 20

It had been too long. Jack was sheathed in Ianto, wrapped in him. Ianto was Jack’s again. Nothing would change that. He wouldn’t let it. But the thoughts gave way to all encompassing waves of pleasure. Ianto was right. No thinking.

Beneath him, Ianto was lost: lips swollen and parted; hands gripping Jack’s back and then the desk; eyes on Jack only. They moved together, finding their rhythm, no longer caring about noise. They needed this so badly.

‘Harder,’ panted Ianto. Jack screwed up his face and pounded furiously, glaring at his defiant employee and lover.

‘Careful what you wish for,’ he rasped warningly. Instantly, Ianto began to cry out. Jack smirked at him and grasped Ianto’s cock, working it fast.

The cries gave way to screams. Ianto felt a surge of pleasure and bliss. No thought, no past, no future, just this, just Jack. A deep grunt joined in with Ianto’s voice as Jack felt himself tumbling towards the edge. He thrust as hard as he could and they came: powerfully, messily, _together_.

Minutes drifted by. Breathing calmed. They drifted down to the floor and sat, still clinging to each other’s sweaty bodies. They stayed there for some time, kissing lazily, but in truth quite frightened to venture outside the office to discover that Gwen had overheard everything.

‘We really should get some coffee,’ said Jack.

‘You do it,’ said Ianto.

Jack slapped his leg. ‘You really are getting cheeky, Ianto. Coffee is your job.’ He polished it off with a pout.

‘I know, sir,’ said Ianto with a scowl, rubbing his assaulted thigh. ‘But someone just fucked me _all_ the way to the stars and they’re all I can see.’

The happy flush disappeared from Jack’s face. ‘What did you just say?’ he rasped.

Ianto frowned. ‘I just meant that it was so good…what’s wrong, Jack?’

Jack swallowed. ‘It’s nothing. I’m just… tired.’

Ianto smiled. ‘Well screw the coffee.’ He leaned forward and grabbed some of their discarded clothing. ‘Come on,’ he said softly. ‘Power nap. No arguments, Harkness.’

Jack mumbled for a moment, but in actuality, a quick sleep sounded very appealing. They cuddled up together on Jack’s little couch. Ianto yawned and leaned sleepily against Jack.

‘I should have been more gentle with you,’ murmured Jack. ‘You’re still recovering.’

‘To be honest, I found that experience rather healing,’ said Ianto, snuggling into Jack’s chest and letting out a long satisfied sigh. Yes, that had been exactly what he’d needed. 

Fifteen minutes later, Gwen cautiously poked her head around the door. The two semi-naked men lay asleep on the couch wrapped in each other’s arms.

She rolled her eyes. ‘Wonderful conversational skills there, Jack,’ she murmured.

She sighed deeply and felt a sinking sensation in her stomach. Jack hadn’t told Ianto the truth yet. That much was obvious.

She stepped back out and quietly closed the door, taking up her station just metres away and started some mindless work of her own. All she could do was wait for them to wake up and when they did, it wouldn’t be good.

Jack emerged first. He stopped in his tracks when he saw the look on Gwen’s face.

‘If looks could kill,’ said Jack casually. ‘Oh, well, I’d come back anyway.’

He made to stroll past her but she grabbed his arm with an impressively harsh grip. It forced him to stop and look at her. His eyes betrayed fear.

‘You didn’t tell him,’ she said, dangerously.

‘He doesn’t need to know,’ said Jack with a glare.

‘I see,’ said Gwen, loosening her grip. ‘Just keep convincing yourself of that, then.’

Jack clenched his jaw and squirmed for a moment. ‘I need longer. He needs longer…’

‘No, Jack.’ She spoke in a low voice. Calm, but deadly. ‘You need to tell him. Or I will.’

Jack’s eyes widened. He stared at her. She was serious. His lips pursed.

‘You come near him and I’ll…’

‘You’ll what?’ she asked, quietly.

Jack’s eyes changed from furious, to afraid. And then sad. They both heard the door of Jack’s office close at the same time, with Ianto making his way towards them.

Gwen blinked, and summoning the last of her courage, she leant into him.

‘You have one day, Captain,’ she whispered. Then she picked her up her handbag and made to leave.

‘Where are you off to, Cooper?’ called Ianto with a grin. ‘Bloody part time now, are we?’

Gwen turned slowly to look at him. Ianto felt a chill down his spine as the tension in the room reached him. His eyes darted to Jack, but Jack was staring at the floor with his hands in his pockets.

‘Less of your lip, Mister Jones,’ said Gwen with a forced smile. ‘Quiet day. Rhys has the afternoon off. Thought I’d join him. I’ll see you tomorrow.’

She turned and left, leaving Ianto with the impression he’d put his foot right in it. He approached Jack.

‘Did you two have one of your…disagreements?’ he asked tentatively.

Jack smiled warmly and reached out, placing his hand on Ianto’s cheek. ‘Nothing to worry about.’

Ianto gazed back at Jack, leaning his head into the touch. ‘So, this cotton wool you’re wrapping me up in,’ he began. ‘Is there much more of it?’

Jack leaned in and kissed him on the lips. ‘Infinite supply,’ he grinned. ‘After all, you look so cosy.’

‘I am,’ said Ianto dreamily. He stepped into Jack’s strong embrace and allowed himself to be held. ‘I really am.’

Hours later, Ianto had completed all the outstanding filing in the archives. Now he was just clearing away various files and boxes and doing his best to maintain an appropriate level of cleanliness. As he swept up, he entertained the idea of Torchwood hiring a cleaner. The smell of dust mingling with a familiar musky scent.

‘An archive angel,’ Ianto sniggered to himself.

He was enjoying that glorious sense of accomplishment he so cherished in these moments. But, there was the pounding song in his head. It had been with him all afternoon. He couldn’t quite place it. A dull beat. It was starting to give him a headache.

Jack watched. He’d watched from close by for some time. Then he’d watched on the CCTV. And now he was a few feet away again. Ianto looked tired, but fairly content. But there it was again. Ianto put his head in his hands.

‘Right,’ said Jack, with all the authority of a headmaster. ‘Shift’s over. Enough’s enough.’

Ianto looked up in surprise. ‘It’s only six o’clock, Jack. I could do another couple of hours. Get this place spick and span.’

‘No way,’ said Jack. ‘You need to take it easy. It’s already been a long day.’ He held his hand out. ‘Come on.’

Ianto took a deep breath. He wanted to be stronger than this but his head was starting to throb. He took Jack’s hand. As he did, he felt Jack’s irrepressible energy flow through him. That warm hand. ‘Angel,’ he breathed, not really knowing why.

‘Huh?’ asked Jack, turning to look at Ianto. Another flashback perhaps? ‘I’m an angel now?’

‘You’re always my angel, Jack,’ smiled Ianto weakly. But his smile gave way to a look of confusion. ‘Sorry, bit of a headache.’

Jack frowned. ‘Well that settles it. Bed. Early night. You’ve over-done it today.’

Ianto opened his mouth to argue but felt a wave of fatigue. He looked back at Jack. ‘I’m tired of being weak, Jack. Tired of being tired.’

‘Give it time,’ said Jack. ‘You’ve been through a lot.’ He swallowed, hoping not to dwell on the subject, and wasted no more time. He led Ianto to the hatch.

Later that night, Jack had climbed into bed with him. He was lying awake, unable to imagine being anywhere in the universe other than by Ianto’s side. He had listened to him breathing. How he hoped those dreams would be kind and soft. Keep him safe. He’d been lost in his thoughts for some time when he realised that the body next to him suddenly seemed stiff. Ianto was awake.

Jack rolled over. ‘What’s wrong?’ he whispered.

‘Can’t sleep.’

The sheets rustled as Jack put his arms around him. ‘Me neither.’

Silence. The air felt heavy around them.

‘I dreamt about them again,’ croaked Ianto. ‘I miss them.’

Silence. No answer. Even the breathing seemed to stop.

‘Don’t you?’

There was a pause and Jack swallowed. ‘Yeah.’ His voice was strained.

Silence. Jack remembered this conversation. Last time. What he’d done. How he’d left. Why had he done that?

‘Ianto?’

‘Yeah?’

‘I’m sorry.’

Ianto tightened his hold on Jack. ‘Me too, Jack,’ he whispered. ‘I know it’s painful.’

Silence.

‘Joy and woe are woven fine. A clothing for the soul divine,’ rasped Jack. He nuzzled Ianto’s neck. ‘I’m here. I’m not leaving you. Go back to sleep.’

It was a simple command. Ianto smiled into Jack’s chest. ‘I like being yours,’ he breathed. ‘I know you’ve lived so many lives and I’m one of many, but…’

‘Hey,’ chided Jack, gently. ‘You’re more than that.’

Ianto melted into Jack, his eyes falling shut. He couldn’t remember feeling so safe and secure. So warm and loved. So special. But that song pounded in his head. He wriggled and scowled.

‘What’s wrong?’ asked Jack, stroking Ianto’s arm.

‘Stupid song stuck in my head,’ mumbled Ianto without opening his eyes. ‘Big and loud.’

‘Ah,’ said Jack. ‘Let me chase it away…’

He cleared his throat. Then he began to sing as softly as he could. Ianto exhaled contentedly and allowed himself to drift; drift into peace as Jack’s melody washed away the dark rhythm inside him.

_‘There are places I remember  
All my life, though some have changed  
Some forever not for better  
Some have gone and some remain  
All these places had their moments  
With lovers and friends I still can recall  
Some are dead and some are living  
In my life I've loved them all  
  
‘But of all these friends and lovers  
There is no one compares with you  
And these memories lose their meaning  
When I think of love as something new  
Though I know I'll never lose affection  
For people and things that went before  
I know I'll often stop and think about them  
In my life, I love you more.’  
  
_

Ianto’s breathing became steady. His body limp. His face peaceful. But Jack secretly hoped that he’d heard every word. Because he meant every word, and could no longer remember a time when he’d felt differently. He lay awake for many hours, a shepherd to his flock, before falling into his own deep sleep.


	21. Chapter 21

_The sweet smell invaded his nostrils. It clawed its way down his throat and he couldn’t breathe._

_There was red all around him; deep, thick red. It captured him, wouldn’t let him go._

_He choked and spluttered, coughing up his insides. He gasped for air but couldn’t get any. He strained into the emptiness, crying out for help. It didn’t come._

_He stretched out, clawing the air and trying to grab onto something which would steady him. But there was nothing._

_The red blinded him. Rotten blood pooled in his stomach and he heaved, shaking and shuddering all over his body._

Ianto jerked awake with a cry and found himself thrashing in bed with Jack, sweating and crying with fear.

Jack hadn’t woken. Ianto squeezed his eyes shut, trying to block out the images which flooded his brain. It was only to be expected he supposed. It was just the after-effects of what had happened. 

He saw red behind his eyelids. He opened his eyes and quietly sneaked out of bed.

Not risking turning the lights on, he rummaged through Jack’s wardrobe for some of his own clothes. He managed to find jeans, a t-shirt and a pair of trainers. He couldn’t find where he’d kicked his boots and he was far too hot to give thought to a jacket.

He stumbled up the ladder and out into the hub. He didn’t switch any lights on, just fumbled for the door and sneaked out.

It was cold outside but he didn’t pay any attention to that. He was still sweating with fear.

He had to put it behind him, that’s what Jack said. He had to forget about it. But he felt different. He felt as though he’s allowed a stranger to walk around in his body for days.

That was what he had done. He’d let darkness take over him. He’d become a real monster. But if what Jack had told him was the truth, he hadn’t hurt anyone. No real damage had been done. No harm had come to anyone. In enough time, Ianto could forget this and move on. That was what Jack said. Things would get back to normal.

But something tugged at Ianto, something he couldn’t see but couldn’t let go of.

He walked on blindly through the night. There weren’t many people around. Everyone was in bed, even the students, or at least they weren’t in the streets. Instead they would be boozing in their kitchens, snacking on kebabs and chips. Ianto wanted that. He wanted a worry-free life. He wanted to go back in time to when he was young and innocent, to when he didn’t know of the pain of life.

He wanted his decisions not to be his anymore. Maybe he could just give himself up to Jack, let him take over, let him look after him. And Ianto wouldn’t have to think anymore.

Ianto found he’d walked far away from the lights of the city. He was alone and in the dark. There was nothing there. There were no shops, no houses, nothing. He could hear the lap of water nearby and the occasional click of animals in the night.

He sat on the hard ground. The damp seeped through his jeans making him cold but he didn’t care.

He stared ahead at the darkness and tried to pretend he couldn’t still see the red behind his eyes. Two weeks. Vampires needed blood. Didn’t they? How often did they need it?

He couldn’t believe this was real, that vampires were real, that he’d been one. How had it happened? How could it have happened?

He must have fed. He could remember white teeth puncturing smooth flesh. _Jack_. He’d _tasted_ Jack. He could remember that. He could remember the hot pounding of the blood, the sweetness of it down his throat. He’d fed on Jack.

_You are my angel. Come from way above_.

Ianto shook his head. He couldn’t hear anything. He wasn’t listening.

_His eyes. He’s on the dark side. Neutralise every man in sight_. 

Ianto put his head in his hands and tried not to listen to the pounding music in his head. He could taste Jack; taste the sweetness of him, the warm caressing fluid pulsed as it slid down Ianto’s throat.

_His teeth deep in Jack’s neck as Jack rocked against him, came against him, taken over by Ianto’s power._

Ianto let out a sob. It wasn’t real. It wasn’t. It couldn’t be.

He curled up in a ball on the concrete. It was cold on his bare arms. It was a relief against the hot blood throbbing inside him. He screwed his eyes shut. He didn’t want to see. His arm fell out from his body and he let out a moan at the coldness.

A hand closed on his wrist.

Ianto’s eyes flew open but there was nobody there. He was alone.

Ianto found himself breathing hard. He could still feel the hand gripping his wrist. Ianto whimpered and he could feel the fear in his memory.

_Have to do it. For Jack_ , he thought. He _remembered_ thinking _._

A hot mouth on his wrist. Sharp teeth puncturing the taut skin.

He screamed. There was pain, a rush of it and he couldn’t escape. He sobbed, clutching the red velvet throw on the couch.

Ianto didn’t know where he was anymore. The coldness of the concrete beneath him and the heat of that red velvet draped room mingled together. The clawing scent of incense crawled inside his nostrils, crept down his throat and every breath was filled with it.

A warm mouth sucked at his neck, drinking from him. His blood was being drained. He was going to die. And he could think only of Jack.

A soft hand caressed his face.

_It’s your turn now,_ whispered a soft, strange voice; a voice rich with power and darkness.

A sharp fingernail flew across the black-eyed stranger’s wrist. Wet flesh pressed to Ianto’s lips and he tasted blood. Another hand cupped his head and Ianto drank.

_For Jack. Anything for Jack._

He swallowed down that thick sickly-sweet blood. It throbbed inside him.

And then it began to change him. He screamed in agony as he felt the changes overcome his body. He was becoming something else. He wasn’t him anymore.

_Trust him_ , came another soft familiar voice. The girl. Ianto could see her, her wide eyes gazing at him. She stood by the black-eyed stranger and watched her orders being carried out.

_Please_ , he gasped, reaching out to her. _I didn’t want this._

_This will give you Forever_ , she said.

‘It’s not me!’ he screamed, the words echoing inside his memory.

_It will be you_ , she whispered and her hand was on his arm. The wound was already healing. _If he loves you, he’ll give you back yourself_.

Ianto closed his eyes in despair. _He’ll never love me. Never_.

_You are my angel come from way above to bring me love._

Jack was dreaming of hands. Hard hands on his hips. Blood in his mouth and the burn of ceramic against his lips.

He jerked awake, shivering all over and found himself alone in his bed.

Panic ripped through him as he reached out desperately trying to find Ianto.

‘Ianto? Ianto!’ he called. No response. He could feel the emptiness in the room.

He scrambled up, threw on his clothes and raced out of the room, and then the hub searching for Ianto.

He seemed to know where he was going without even thinking about it, like he was being drawn to Ianto.

He strode through the dark, empty streets, his coat swishing around him. It was cold and he hoped Ianto had remembered to bring a jacket.

Jack stopped short suddenly. There was a heap in the road.

‘Ianto?’ he murmured.

The heap moved a little. ‘Jack?’

It was Ianto.

‘Ianto!’ Jack breathed. ‘What the hell are you doing out here at this time of night? You haven't even got a coat with you!’

Ianto blinked up at him sheepishly. Jack looked like a panicked parent.

‘I’ve told you again and again about looking after yourself properly,’ scolded Jack.

Ianto shivered, feeling appropriately childish, but then his body gave way to a shudder and Jack dropped to his knees beside him.

‘Ianto, oh, Ianto, my silly boy. Come here,’ Jack murmured and tugged Ianto onto his lap and into his arms.

Ianto clung to him, shaking and shuddering. ‘Jack, Jack,’ he gasped over and over again. ‘She said you’d save me. Jack, please, take it away, make it all right.’

‘Ianto, it is all right,’ Jack whispered, cradling Ianto in his arms. ‘Everything’s all right now. It’s over.’

‘It’s not. It won’t leave me alone. Please, Jack.’

‘Won’t leave you alone? What do you mean?’

‘The red. It won’t leave me.’

Jack didn’t know what to say.

‘I can see it, feel it, taste it all the time.’

Jack swallowed. He tugged Ianto tighter against him. ‘It’ll be all right. It’s just…you’re just remembering what happened.’

Ianto pulled back to look into Jack’s face. ‘What did happen?’

‘Ianto, you know what happened.’

‘No, I don’t. I…know what I…became but…I don’t know what happened. Tell me, Jack. What did you do with me? How did you keep me from hurting anyone?’

Jack took a long time blinking. He wasn’t finding it easy to look at Ianto. ‘We…locked you in a cell. You remember that, don’t you?’

Ianto frowned. ‘Yes…’ he said slowly. ‘But…I…’

‘What?’

‘I…remember…feeding on…you.’

‘In the cell?’

Ianto shook his head. ‘No. In…a club.’

Jack tensed. ‘Ianto, you weren’t in a club. You were at the hub the whole time.’

Ianto sat up and shuffled back off Jack’s lap. He folded his legs and clasped his hands in his lap. He looked seriously at Jack.

‘I don’t believe you. I…remember being in a club. I remember the song. _You are my angel. He’s on the dark side_. I remember those words.’

‘Ianto…’

‘You were there. We were there together. And I…I could smell your fear and…I liked it. It…turned me on, that you were scared of me. And then I…fed on you.’

Jack looked down. ‘I don’t remember it hurting,’ he said in a small voice.

‘Is…is that how I managed not to hurt anybody? Because I fed on you?’

Jack nodded. He felt very small. ‘Yes.’ He didn’t want Ianto to have to know. ‘You fed on me because…you couldn’t hurt me by doing it.’

Ianto breathed deeply. ‘I…couldn’t work it out. But that…makes sense. Did it…really not hurt?’

Jack swallowed. ‘Really. It felt…good.’ His face flushed as he remembered. It really had felt good. He’d felt owned and held, loved. He knew he’d been sort of hypnotised by Ianto, by that strength and power, by those silver eyes. It had felt so good. If only he could remember that alone, and not think of that dark monster Ianto had become.

He shook himself. ‘Come on, love. Let’s go.’

Ianto froze. ‘What?’

‘I said let’s go.’

‘No, you called me love. Jack…she…she said if you loved me you’d give me back myself.’

‘I did, Ianto,’ Jack whispered. ‘I cured you.’

‘Because you love me?’

‘Yes. Because I love you,’ Jack said firmly. He kissed Ianto softly on the lips, then pulled back.

‘Come on. It’s time to go home, before you freeze to death.’ He wagged his finger at Ianto, coming over all parental again. ‘And take better care of yourself in future.’

Ianto smiled as he let himself be lifted to his feet. ‘Yes, Sir,’ he said as Jack tugged him beneath his coat and marched him home.


	22. Chapter 22

Gwen watched Ianto. He was humming as he worked, dipping into several projects at the same time. He cleaned, he sorted, he filed, he examined rift activity. All perfectly normal.

Gwen wasn’t sure how she’d feel in Ianto’s place but she did know that if he was aware of the damage he’d caused then he wouldn’t be happy and cheerful. He had too much of a conscience for that.

It wasn’t right to deny him knowledge of what he’d done. She knew Jack was just trying to protect him but it wasn’t right. Ianto deserved to know what had happened. Only then would he be able to heal and make amends.

He’d come to terms with what had happened two years ago. He’d made up for the deaths he’d been responsible for by bringing Lisa into Torchwood. It wasn’t fair not to give him the same opportunity again. After all, this time he’d actually killed someone. Okay, so he hadn’t been in his right mind at the time, but he had been in his right mind when he’d decided to become that monster.

Ianto would want to know. He’d want to be told. She knew that. She wasn’t blinded by fear like Jack. She knew Ianto needed to know. But should he be told? Maybe just being told would do damage too.

Gwen waited until Jack was hidden away in his office on a conference call, then she went up to Ianto.

‘Ianto, how are you?’ she asked.

He smiled at her. ‘Oh, I’m fine, thank you, Gwen.’

‘Really?’

Ianto’s eyes glazed a little. ‘Well, I feel a bit…’

‘What?’

‘Nothing. I’m sure I’ll get over it.’

She nodded. ‘It’ll take some time.’ She paused, biting her lip. ‘Listen, Ianto…’ she started.

He gazed calmly at her. ‘Yes, Gwen? Something you want to tell me?’

‘Erm…no…but…’

‘But what?’

‘Nothing. It’s just there’s some files for you to go over. Police reports. They’re on the top of the To Do pile in the archives.’

‘Oh. Thanks, I’ll get to it.’

Gwen nodded, then turned away anxiously, glancing at Jack’s office as she scurried off back to work, guilt already gnawing at her insides. 

Ianto went on down to the archives. It was his place, the place he felt most comfortable in. The filing cabinets stood beside each other so neatly, every single thing in place. And he’d ensured that even when he wasn’t there, it could remain tidy. Even after his two week absence, everything was perfect.

His To Do pile sat in three boxes on one of the tables. Usually, only one box got filled but now all three were filled. Most were simple to file and sort. The rift analyses were simple and had one cabinet to go into. He dealt with those first, then turned his attention to the police files. There were only two.

The first referenced the disappearance of a thief in the bay. He filed that along with the Flat Holm files. The second one was a murder report. Ianto frowned. There must be something different about this murder. Torchwood tried not to get involved in ordinary crime.

He read it carefully, the information slipping easily into his photographic memory. Attached to the report was a photograph of the victim. Blond, pale. The crime scene photograph showed a withered corpse, empty, _emptied_. 

_His eyes. He’s on the dark side_.

Ianto shook his head. Why was that song coming back again? He blinked hard and tried not the listen to the roaring in his ears.

His chest pounded and he couldn’t breathe.

_Neutralise every man in sight_.

He choked on his own saliva as a deep sense of horror snuck inside him.

He closed his eyes. The innocent face of that blond boy swam before him.

_So you don’t want foreplay. How do you feel about love bites?_

Ianto’s own voice, hard and seductive, floated through his mind. Ianto swallowed and he could taste it. He could taste the blond boy, the lost boy.

Ianto collapsed in a heap, sobbing and shuddering and grasping onto the cold cabinets for support. It was over. It was all over. Ianto was a murderer. And it had been kept from him.

When Jack came out of his office, the first thing he saw was Gwen. She was sitting on the couch, chewing her lip.

‘Gwen? What’s wrong? Where’s Ianto?’

She glanced up at him, eyes wide with fear. ‘There was no choice,’ she said.

‘Gwen.’ His voice was low and dangerous. ‘What have you done?’

‘I had to, Jack. You weren’t going to tell him.’

‘Gwen…’

‘He’s looking at police files.’

Jack’s mouth fell open and his eyes burned into Gwen. ‘How **dare** you? How could you have been so **fucking stupid**?’

‘He needed to know.’

‘No, he didn’t! He wasn’t himself when he killed that boy. It wasn’t him and…’

‘His name was Dylan Lloyd.’ Ianto’s voice was calm but firm as he walked towards them.

They both turned to him. Gwen met his eyes and he gave her a nod. Then he looked at Jack. Jack lowered his head.

‘I was going to tell you,’ Jack whispered.

‘No, you weren’t, Jack.’

‘I was…I…’

‘No, Jack. You forget how well I know you.’ Ianto’s voice was so calm it made Jack feel ridiculously small.

‘You were going to try and keep everything from me. I understand. You wanted to protect me. You wanted to keep me innocent. Well you can’t. I’m not innocent anymore. And that’s my fault so I’m going to have to live with it.’ There was a quiver in his voice and he paused to take a deep breath.

Gwen took the opportunity to stand and go over to him. She put his arm around him. ‘You have to remember you weren’t yourself.’

He looked at the ground and nodded. ‘I know.’ He found her hand and squeezed it, then looked up at Jack. ‘You need to tell me, Jack.’

‘Ianto…’

‘You need to tell me everything.’


	23. Chapter 23

_Torchwood. Outside the Government. Beyond the police. Alone, they’re only human. Together…_

That word. What they are. Who they _were_. Together. But now, they’d never felt more separated.

They were in the conference room, around the table. Ianto sat with his hands clasped on top of the police report laid out neatly on the table and his eyes focused on Jack. Gwen absently chewed a finger and shifted in her seat, waiting for someone to say _something_. She’d tried and had been rewarded with Jack yelling at her to be quiet.

Jack stood, hands on his hips, fingers flexing. He took deep breaths. He paced. He leant forward with his palms down on the table and glared at Gwen.

‘Don’t look at her like that,’ said Ianto, steadily. Gwen stared blankly at the table and fidgeted with her pen as Jack forced himself to look at Ianto.

Their eyes met across the table. Jack’s were a fearful, piercing blue; Ianto’s were a stern, dangerous grey. Jack could see from those eyes exactly how Ianto was feeling. Furious. Hurt. Disappointed. He opened his mouth to speak.

‘You didn’t need to know…’

‘Sit down,’ said Ianto simply. His voice was soft but undeniable.

Gwen felt her heart jump. She glanced at Jack, wary of him losing his temper. Instead, he looked chastened and defeated. He sank into his chair with as much dignity as he could muster; eye line now firmly away from Ianto’s. His hands twisted in his lap.

‘Tell me everything,’ demanded Ianto, quietly. ‘Both of you.’

Gwen looked to Jack for permission, but he seemed far away. She could sense how close he was to losing all composure.

She took a deep breath. ‘Ianto,’ she began. ‘It wasn’t obvious at first: what you did, I mean. We only noticed small changes…’

‘I remember,’ he said, flatly. ‘I came back. I was…angry about so many things. I remember the night you were injured.’

‘That’s right,’ she said.

There was a pause as he studied her. ‘Did I hurt you?’ he asked, the strain in his voice almost giving him away.

‘No,’ she said, softly. ‘But you did seem rather interested in…’

‘Blood,’ he finished for her, his eyes still on hers.

‘Yes,’ she said, bravely. She bit her lip and then summoned her courage. ‘Ianto, as soon as we realised, we tried to stop you. But we were too late that night. Dylan Lloyd was murdered by the…’

She swallowed. Ianto had looked away and she knew he was remembering. She continued as best she could.

‘He was murdered by the thing that possessed you. The Vampire. It drained all of his blood. And after the autopsy it was also clear that there had been…intercourse. But no evidence of it being…I mean…they did think it was…’

‘Consensual.’ Ianto’s eyes fell closed and he breathed deeply. His eyes flew open again as he _felt_ Jack shudder. ‘That’s what the report said.’ Ianto sighed deeply, regarding Jack’s distance with veiled frustration.

Gwen glanced at Jack. His eyes were still staring into nothing and he appeared to be shrinking more and more into his chair. He was almost catatonic.

‘What else happened?’ asked Ianto, calmly.

Gwen shifted and sat forward, leaning on the table for support. The clinical delivery of the facts was making it easier for her. ‘You carried on hunting,’ she said. She paused and stared at Ianto in horror. ‘I mean, not you…’

‘It’s okay,’ said Ianto almost inaudibly. ‘Then what?’

She blinked, startled by Ianto’s stony appearance. ‘The Vampire found another victim but Jack and I arrived before it could harm her. He pushed her pretty hard but she was fine.’

Ianto cleared his throat. ‘Then what?’

‘I chloroformed you,’ said Jack, making them both jump. They’d almost forgotten he was there. He fiddled with his little spitfire cufflinks and stubbornly kept his gaze away from theirs. ‘I chloroformed you and locked you in the cell.’

‘You mean ‘it’,’ said Ianto, coldly.

Jack looked at him instantly, panic on his face.

Ianto looked blankly at him. ‘It’s okay. I understand it must have been confusing for you.’

Their eyes met again. This time, Gwen was certain Jack was going to cry. He leapt to his feet to mask it.

‘Confusing isn’t the word I’d use,’ he choked, glaring at the floor and scowling.

‘Sit down,’ said Ianto evenly. This time it was almost cruel. Gwen felt a pang of guilt as she watched Jack crumble before her.

‘That’s enough, Ianto,’ she chided. ‘He was trying to protect you.’

‘He lied to me.’

‘Yeah well nobody’s perfect,’ she said sharply.

Jack lowered himself into his chair once more, stunned. Lost.

‘So that’s it?’ asked Ianto casually. ‘Just the one murder? Oh and the _questionable intercourse._ ’

He didn’t notice Jack flinch. But Gwen did.

‘And does the other one count as attempted murder or common assault?’

‘Stop it!’ shouted Gwen. It was powerful enough to jerk Ianto out of his sarcastic onslaught. Lost for what to do next, he stood.

‘Righti-ho then,’ he said cheerfully, tucking his chair in and turning to leave. ‘I’ll just go and check myself into Vampire rehab. Thanks for the memories.’

‘Sit the fuck down!’ It was Jack, now trembling with anger.

Ianto froze and his limbs shook and weakened as he took in the state of Jack. Ianto’s head throbbed. His resolve disappeared. Tears stung his eyes and he could hardly take a breath. The only thing left to do was obey Jack. So he pulled his chair back out and sat down.

‘There’s more, Ianto,’ said Jack in a low, measured tone. ‘After we locked you in the cell. I had to do something. I had to cure you, bring you back.’

Ianto shivered as Jack stared hard at him.

‘In order to save you, I had to consume a drink…a kind of potion. And have you feed on me. That liquid, whatever it was, killed the demon in you.’

Silence. Gwen watched Jack’s face, not sure if he would go into further detail. But it seemed Ianto’s reaction had evoked the hard truths that Jack had tried so valiantly to conceal.

‘Only thing was, in order for it to work, you had to drain my blood. You had to…kill me. So I guess I lied again, Ianto. You murdered two people. Technically.’

Ianto thought he might vomit. He’d killed Jack. He tried to reach out for some logic, some sense.

‘But, it…it was s…s…safe,’ he stammered. ‘You know that. So you let me kill you because you knew you’d come back.’

‘Kind of a comfy get-out clause, don’t you think?’ Jack spat.

Ianto blinked at him, trying to ignore the fact he’d technically murdered his lover. _But Jack was immortal_ , he told himself.

Jack’s hurt eyes momentarily softened. ‘I didn’t know I’d come back. That’s the truth. That was the price.’

Gwen watched the colour fade from Ianto’s face as the realisation sunk in. Her eyes flitted to Jack. She could see the regret. She could see him, believing he was watching Ianto lose the last of his innocence.

The air thickened around them and the silence stretched on for a long time.

‘You took that risk to bring me back?’ Ianto whispered.

‘Yes.’

Ianto was breathing hard. ‘Why?’ he said, his face showing disgust.

Jack scowled for a moment before forcing himself to breathe deeply and smooth out his face.

‘Why?’ he said bitterly. ‘Why, Ianto? Because of who you are. Because of what we stood to lose. Because there was a chance of getting you back after already losing half the fucking team. And because I love you!’

Gwen’s heart skipped a beat. She’d never expected to hear those words out of Jack’s mouth. She’d known for a while how Jack felt. It had been obvious to everyone, except for Ianto. But she hadn’t expected Jack to ever let himself admit it.

She fought against the emotion surging inside of her, surprised to be feeling anything good within this terrible mess.

But the men remained focussed on each other, eyes searching.

‘A _chance_ of getting me back?’ asked Ianto. ‘So even that wasn’t certain?’ His eye-line dropped and he pulled himself in, his hands clasping tightly to each other.

‘Yes,’ said Jack, simply.

‘How stupid are you?’ shouted Ianto unexpectedly. ‘You could have died! _Really_ died. And the monster I was could have lived on. You would have died for nothing!’

Jack winced, glancing briefly away from Ianto.

But then his gaze returned and his expression was severe. He lurched over the table and gripped Ianto’s chin in his hand.

‘I have died for nothing,’ he hissed through gritted teeth. ‘And I’ve died for everything. I’ve died to save an army; I’ve died to save one child; I’ve died to save my friends; I’ve died to save Cardiff and I’ve died to save the universe!’

Ianto’s entire body shook and he gazed unblinkingly at Jack, tears spilling from his eyes. Gwen stared at them, stunned as Jack continued.

‘But mostly, I’ve died repeatedly for no fucking reason. I should be dead, Ianto. I should have died over a hundred years ago and stayed that way. But I didn’t. So I carry on dying here, there and everywhere! With the pretence of being hero.’

His booming voice filled the conference room as he yelled right in Ianto’s face. ‘I have died for nothing, more times than I can remember! For God’s sake, Ianto, I’ve died to get to the fucking post office on time so what the hell makes you think I wouldn’t die for you?’

There was a moment of absolute silence, then Ianto’s silent tears gave way to unrestrained sobs, his entire body heaving with them.

Jack released his grip, a chill running through him as he noticed the red fingerprints on Ianto’s jaw. Ianto hid his face in his hands and wept freely. And all Gwen and Jack could do was let him cry.


	24. Chapter 24

_Alone, they’re only human._

Time drifted on by. Ianto’s sobs subsided and Jack tried his best to regain control. He’d wanted to go to Ianto, try to comfort him, but something stopped him.

All three of them cried. All three of them were lost, fractured, alone together.

Slowly, silence spread over them. Gwen rose and went to Ianto.

She put an arm around his shoulders and spoke gently to him. ‘You’re not a murderer,’ she whispered. ‘But you have to face the fact that you made a decision which led to murder.’

He nodded. ‘I know.’

‘But now you know and we can all move on, because we know the truth. We have to move on and we will. Together.’

Jack shifted in his seat and tried to steady his breathing

‘You can start to heal,’ murmured Gwen. Her hand rubbed Ianto’s back in circular motions. Jack watched her. Her eyes met his. She looked about as convinced as he felt. How could this ever heal?

Ianto took a deep shuddering breath and gazed down at his white hands. They were trembling and he was sure he could see the blood still staining his hands.

_For your hands are stained with blood and your fingers with iniquity; your lips have spoken lies, your tongue hath muttered perverseness._

Ianto remembered those words written in his bible, words written by God and read out by Ianto’s dad. What would his Da think of him now? What would God think of him now?

He felt weak. His mind flashed back to the cell and Jack’s terrified face. So boyish. His Jack.

A warm hand settled on Ianto’s and held it firmly. Jack’s hand.

Ianto looked up at him.

‘I’m sorry.’ They were simple words but Ianto could hear the thickness and sincerity of Jack’s regret. Ianto tenderly curled his fingers around Jack’s.

‘You’re sorry?’ he rasped. ‘Then what am I? How could I ever be sorry enough?’

Gwen knew it was time for Jack and Ianto to be alone. She moved away from Ianto and stood firm.

‘It’s time for me to leave now. And for goodness sake, talk!’

She smiled softly at her two boys sitting at the table. Her lost boys.

‘But I want you to remember one thing,’ she added, sternly. ‘Before either one of you starts slapping the other about…’

They both found the energy to look sheepish.

‘This, _all of this_ , has happened because you love each other. It’s a place to start.’

They glanced at each other and she slipped out. Relief flooded her as she stepped out into the fresh air. She knew she would cry herself to sleep.

But she also knew she would do so in the arms of the man _she_ loved, the man who would stay by her side, the man who would be as loyal to her as Ianto was to Jack.

And, thankfully, he was a hell of a lot more stable than a single member of Torchwood.

Jack and Ianto sat at the table, holding hands and glancing uncomfortably at each other.

Ianto was shattered inside, like glass cracked into a thousand pieces.

But when he looked at Jack, he saw something worse, like glass stamped into the carpet. Ianto knew it was him who’d caused this hurt in Jack, so it was he who had to fix it. Ianto knew _he_ had to break the silence and start the conversation.

‘You always try to protect me. Like a father to his son. Like I’m fragile.’

Jack just listened.

‘But I’m not,’ said Ianto resolutely. ‘Obviously I don’t always make the best choices,’ he said with a roll of the eyes. ‘And it’s nice to have someone around to keep me in check…but you need that too.’

They gazed across at each other, both equal, both the same, both hurting and needing comfort.

‘You should have told me immediately.’ Ianto’s gaze was stern. 

Jack wriggled in his seat. ‘Sorry.’ His voice was husky. ‘Just didn’t want you to…’

‘Too late. I’m not a child. You can’t protect me.’

‘You can’t stop me,’ said Jack with a note of insolence.

Ianto smiled in spite of himself. ‘Incorrigible,’ he whispered. ‘Maybe you’re the child.’

He grinned as he watched Jack trying valiantly not to pout in an attempt to disprove Ianto’s theory. But it broke through in the end and blossomed into a pronounced sulk. Boyish again. Ianto’s smile then faded as a wave of deep sorrow and compassion came over him.

‘Thank you for loving me, Jack. Thank you for saving me. I’m still not sure you should have but thank you,’ he breathed. Then he smiled. ‘And by the way, I love you too.’

Jack stilled for a long moment. His bright but haunted blue eyes shone back at Ianto and he managed a warm smile.

‘Where do we go from here?’ he asked, his voice breaking.

‘Forward, Jack. Forward.’

‘But…’

‘Bed now,’ answered Ianto serenely. He sighed deeply. ‘It’s bedtime, Jack.’

They held onto each other’s hands, walked through the hub and down into Jack’s quarters. On the surface, everything seemed normal. Banishing all thoughts, they undressed each other slowly. Ianto was quiet, calm, but still he could see the blood on his hands.

Neither of them spoke. They walked through to the bathroom and, now naked, stepped into the shower and turned on the warm water. Ianto closed his eyes and, in Jack’s arms, turned his face up to the water and let it cleanse him.

They held each other close under the warm water. Jack buried his face in Ianto’s neck. They listened to the water lashing against their skin; against the tiled walls; drumming on the floor of the bathtub.

Jack sighed into his lover’s shoulder. Of all the things to experience in this universe, few things surpassed a good, hot shower. He opened his eyes just a little and traced the droplets of water on Ianto’s creamy skin with kind fingertips.

Ianto stayed still, the hot stream cascading over his face. Jack knew he was trying to wash it all away. The thoughts. The memories. The feelings. The traces of blood in his mind. Jack knew. He knew guilt. He knew conscience. He knew awakening. He knew loss. He felt it all now, along with Ianto.

_Little lamb, who made thee? Does thou know who made thee?_

_Gave thee life and bid thee feed, by the stream and o’er the mead;_

He tried to hold Ianto firmly. To be a support. Ianto’s hands held on to his, but he remained motionless, like a statue in a cloud burst. But if Jack could have seen his face, he would have seen the tears mingling with the water. He would have seen his face crumple whilst his body remained rock solid.

_When the stars threw down their spears,_

_And watered heaven with their tears,_

_Did He smile His work to see?_

_Did He who made the lamb make thee?_

Ianto’s heart pounded. He could hear it above the crashing of the water. He tried to control his breathing, the motion of his chest and shoulders. All he let go were his tears. But Jack couldn’t see those. He was not to know. Jack had seen enough. It was his turn to be protected. He tried to relax into Jack.

The steam billowed around them. Jack felt it tickle his cheeks, caress him. It was just the two of them, drifting in a cloud together. His fingers continued to gently caress Ianto’s soaked arms. At last, one small movement from Ianto. His hand stroked Jack’s reassuringly. Jack sighed at the touch. He remained with his face hidden in Ianto’s shoulder.

Jack looked up, the watery scene before him a blur. He blinked. The droplets of water flashed red. Red. He straightened up, stricken with fear. He didn’t want those thoughts. He reached for the shower gel at the same time as Ianto.

They were soon covered in a soapy, ivory lather; the shower transforming into a thick, white mist. Jack breathed deeply as the visions of blood disappeared. The powerful aroma of the shower gel consumed him. He was safe in the here and now.

_Nice and gentle though, yeah?_

He shuddered as he heard his own voice. Before it happened.

_Blood._

His plea. His gasp. Unheard over Ianto’s dark enjoyment. His breath became shallow. His pulse throbbed in his throat as he choked on the spicy vapour. He shrank back from Ianto, convinced his heartbeat could be felt and heard over and above the rush of the spray. But Ianto didn’t respond. He merely slathered more gel over his body, still facing forwards.

The water beat against them relentlessly, the musky cloud still concealing their tears. They suffered silently, separately. Each with his own thoughts.

_Mine._

Ianto rinsed his face, and wordlessly stepped behind Jack. Jack stepped forward and allowed the spray to rain down on him, the heat and pressure of the water easing the tension of his shoulders. He breathed in deeply.

But then he felt something behind him. Flesh. Skin. He tensed. He trembled. Ianto had merely placed a hand on Jack’s hip to steady himself as he rinsed his feet. But Jack remembered.

_And what shoulder and what art_

_Could twist the sinews of thy heart?_

_And, when thy heart began to beat,_

_What dread hand and what dread feet?_

Ianto checked himself vigilantly as he rid himself of the milky foam. No stains. Clear water running now. How he wished the feeling would stay with him. But he knew it wouldn’t. He could feel his crime, his sin, coursing through his veins. A part of him now.

He reached for Jack. His saviour. His anchor. He caressed the small of Jack’s back as he inhaled the scented steam, trying to cling on to last of that feeling of being cleansed. But knowing it would end, more tears. He retracted his hand, lest Jack felt him tremble, and allowed his tears to fall silently and unnoticed yet again.

The ceramic floor stared back at Jack. He saw his blood draining away. Pain shot through him. He felt his knees bruising. The shock. The denial.

He flinched away from Ianto and shifted under the jet of water to make the movement look natural. He had failed to keep the truth from Ianto but for this. He _needed_ this to stay buried. Forever.

_Fydd_

The word echoed in his mind as loudly as it had in the bathroom that day. He swallowed a sob, grateful that his crying was concealed. He positioned his hands on the tiled wall in front of him, supporting his weight as the spray hit him directly in the face.

Steam had swelled throughout the bathroom. He tried to breathe steadily. Ianto mustn’t see. Ianto mustn’t know. He fought against the palpitations; the quaking that his arms and shoulders threatened to betray.

Ianto sniffed quietly and turned to look at Jack. He was as far up against the wall as possible. He felt something had fractured. Forever. But his head felt heavy when he tried to think of what to do next.

As the last of the warm water hit the floor, their tears ran together like rivers into an ocean and pooled around their feet, before draining away. Jack turned the shower off, but stayed where he was, palms flat against the wall. Ianto instinctively, placed a tentative hand on Jack’s shoulder.

Jack recoiled. Ianto’s eyes widened. Why would Jack do that? Then Jack straightened abruptly. Neither of them had said a word. But Jack turned to look at him.

They shared weak, warm and uncertain smiles as they stood there dripping. Clean. Bathed. A good place to start.

Jack shivered. Ianto stepped out of the bathtub first and grabbed a fluffy white towel. He then held out a hand as Jack joined him.

So much silence. They’d said so much. Yet they both felt there was more to say. But where were the words? Jack picked up another white towel and carefully ran it over Ianto’s head, tousling his damp hair. Ianto responded by wrapping his towel around Jack’s midriff. Slowly, intimately, the ritual continued for several minutes.

Ianto gazed at Jack, who was concentrating on drying Ianto’s shoulders. He brought both of his warm hands up to Jack’s face and held it tenderly, before planting a sweet kiss on his cheek. Their blue eyes danced together for a moment before they fell into a natural and comforting embrace.

They held each other for some time, swaying steadily, heavily; the weight of the world oppressing them as much as the thick-scented steam which had engulfed the bathroom. All dry now. No more tears. Just touch. Just to be close, just to be sure, just to be together. Solid. To know that in everything they still had each other. Yet words were still impossible.

Eventually the room cooled and they sought out warmth. It really was time for bed.

_The night was dark, no father was there,_

_The child was wet with dew;_

_The mire was deep, and the child did weep,_

_And away the vapour flew._


	25. Chapter 25

As Ianto sank into bed, naked and held in Jack’s strong arms, he felt exhaustion overcome him. There had been too much, too much pain and anguish, too many tears. Now was the time for silence and for taking comfort in each other and moving on.

He realised as he rested his head on Jack’s shoulder and breathed in the smell of him, that they hadn’t spoken since before their shower. He breathed deeply and decided it was not the time for talking. He wrapped an arm around Jack’s waist. Jack slipped an arm around Ianto’s shoulders and held him tight.

‘Ianto…’

‘Hush, Jack,’ he whispered. ‘No talking now.’

Jack kissed Ianto on the top of his head, feeling his warmth. ‘Yeah. Sleep now.’

Ianto mumbled happily and closed his eyes. He felt himself drifting off to sleep, content and peaceful for the first time in what felt like forever.

As he fell asleep, one thing pressed into his mind: Jack, gripping onto him as if Ianto were the only thing keeping him safe.

_The steam. All Ianto could see was the steam, covering them both, covering their sins. Jack’s skin was soft beneath him. Warmth spread through him, through them both. They were close, stroking each other’s skin and all was okay._

_Jack whimpered and Ianto reached out for him, grasping for him in the steam. He couldn’t see him._

_‘Jack!’ he called out. ‘Jack!’_

_Again and again, Ianto called but the only reply was more whimpering._

_Ianto couldn’t bear it. Jack, his Jack, was in pain; Jack needed Ianto and Ianto couldn’t get to him._

_The steam became a curtain, thick, white and damp. It clung to his skin, cloyed at him and wouldn’t let him fight his way through it._

_A splash of red spread out over the whiteness. Blood. Ianto screamed._

_‘Jack! Jack!’_

_Still Jack only whimpered. Ianto lurched for him, fighting desperately to find him._

_‘Ianto!’ rasped Jack._

_Ianto’s fingers brushed across warm flesh. Jack._

**_Fydd_ **

Ianto jerked awake with a start and couldn’t remember what on earth he’d been dreaming about. He felt shaky all over.

Jack was asleep beside him. Ianto shuffled up into a sitting position and gazed down at him. Jack was sleeping peacefully. Well, sort of peacefully. He wasn’t crying or whimpering, but little frowns kept crossing his face.

Ianto wanted to wrap him in his arms and protect him from everything. That was strange. Usually Jack was the one to do all the protecting. He overdid it on the protection front usually.

Ianto stroked Jack’s face as he slept on. ‘It’s all right,’ he murmured. ‘ _I’m_ going to look after _you_ now. I love you.’

_Now the darkness only stays the night-time_

_In the morning it will fade away_

_Daylight is good at arriving at the right time_

_It’s not always going to be this grey_

Both Jack and Ianto found relief in the never-ending onslaught of mind-numbing tasks that Torchwood provided for them the next day. Jack barricaded himself in his office and hid behind an impressively high stack of reports that Ianto had vigilantly returned to Jack for his signature.

‘These need to be signed off by you to say that you’ve reviewed them. And you should add your notes where necessary,’ Ianto advised, his nose in a clip board.

‘Boring,’ Jack muttered, secretly happy that he would be confined to his office with, he hoped, no drama.

Ianto simply raised an eyebrow and continued to reel off a list of mundane activities that would be taking precedence that day. Jack merely sulked into his files, so Ianto left him to it. 

Ianto was feeling fairly chipper. Donned in one of his favourite suits, including his best waistcoat, he luxuriated in his comfort zone, reclaiming the hub as his own. Gwen was rewarded with a sterling cup of coffee which she sipped at happily. The sight of Ianto being Ianto was wonderful, a real sight for sore eyes.

None of them could pretend that things would ever return to the way they had been, or that there weren’t considerable wounds in need of healing, but it seemed that they were on the road to recovery. The rift seemed to want to help them. It stayed quiet and stable. Even the weevils gave them a well-earned rest. So Gwen and Ianto decided to spend time perfecting the CCTV system, ensuring there was adequate coverage and that the combination of alien tech and latest the intelligence from GCHQ ensured they were well prepared.

They conspired and giggled like old friends. Jack watched them. Everything back to normal now. But his stomach flipped at the sight of them being so normal. So natural. He wanted to join them. But he didn’t have it in him.

He pouted at his office and sat back down at his desk, signing off each report without much more than a glance at the subject line. He didn’t care. He couldn’t care. He reached out for his coffee. It wasn’t there. At last. Something interesting to do …

‘Ianto! Coffee!’ he shouted, without looking at Ianto. He slumped into his chair again and chewed his finger, scowling at his pile of work. He wanted Ianto.

Moments later, Ianto arrived, calm and collected, and neatly placed Jack’s mug on his desk.

‘There you are, sir,’ he said pleasantly. But his eyes were firm. He stood very still and fixed Jack with a slight question in his eyes.

Jack looked up at him. Ianto was here now. But still it didn’t feel right. His stomach felt all wriggly.

‘Thank you,’ he said, rather dismissively, and sat forward to continue his work.

‘Are you okay?’ asked Ianto.

‘Yep,’ answered Jack, eyes focussed on a document.

‘No more fibbing, mister.’ It was said gently, but Ianto sat on the edge of the desk and continued to look firmly at Jack.

Jack’s eyes darted to Ianto’s and he squirmed in his seat. Ianto watched Jack as he battled against another pout.

‘Do you need me to leave you alone or do you need me to stay?’ he asked with a smile.

Jack didn’t answer immediately. He stared back at the paper in his hands. He opened his mouth to say something and closed it again.

Finally, without looking at Ianto, he spoke. ‘Don’t know.’ He cleared his throat quickly.

Ianto simply leant forward and kissed him on the head. ‘Carry on with this. I’ll be back later.’

Jack watched him leave and his heart sank. He felt like a child who’d been instructed to complete his homework before he could watch his favourite TV show. He pushed the reports to one side and began surfing the internet for something more interesting to do. 

When Ianto returned silently four hours later, he noticed there had been no progression with the reports. He had put two phone calls through to Jack in that time, but neither had lasted very long. Jack hadn’t noticed him arrive. He was staring intently at the computer screen, studio headphones clamped around his ears. Ianto edged around to see what Jack was looking at.

He grinned. Jack still hadn’t noticed he was there. He remembered Jack telling him that one of the most painful things about living through the 20th Century was the painstaking wait for the internet. Ianto could only imagine what shared information was like in the 51st Century. He stayed silent and studied the screen.

Jack was watching pop videos. On YouTube. Ianto sniggered. This is what the aliens should be afraid of. He politely waited for The Beatles music video to come to an end before expertly intercepting Jack’s hand as he went to click on another video. Jack jumped in surprise and guiltily pulled the headphones off.

‘Hello, Jack. How are those reports coming along?’ asked Ianto, cheerfully. Jack spluttered for a moment before remembering he was the boss and he would do whatever he wanted. He glared at Ianto defiantly. Ianto folded his arms, still struggling not to laugh, and glared back at Jack.

‘I was doing…research,’ lied Jack, wishing he could find a way to prove that The Beatles were aliens.

‘No you weren’t,’ said Ianto, gently. ‘I said no fibbing.’ He stroked Jack’s hair. He knew Jack was struggling, searching for any kind of distraction he could. Ianto found it easy to bury himself in work. Jack had a harder time shutting off his feelings. He took a deep breath. He needed to get Jack somewhere more comfortable.

‘You’ve been hiding in here all day…’

‘Paperwork,’ said Jack indignantly.

‘Which you’ve hardly touched. Come on, Jack. Let’s go. You can attempt this again in the morning.’

‘Who’s the boss around here?’ huffed Jack. Nevertheless, he stood sulkily and shuffled some papers in an attempt to prove that some work had taken place. Ianto sniggered again. Jack glared at him and Ianto had no choice but to wrap his arms around him, kissing his cheek in the process.

‘Come on, Grumpy,’ he said fondly. ‘Today’s nearly over. That’s one step forward. Let’s have an early night.’

Jack scowled and mumbled something about not being grumpy.

Ianto lifted his chin. ‘I’m here with you,’ he breathed. ‘You’re not alone.’ There was a mournful silence. The one they’d both spent the day trying to avoid. It came. And then it went. And once it had gone, it didn’t seem so bad after all.

Jack shifted on his feet, feeling rather stupid. ‘Early night?’ he questioned with an apologetic glance.

‘Yep,’ said Ianto. He took Jack by the hand and led him to their private quarters.


	26. Chapter 26

Ianto had never known Jack to be so quiet. It was starting to worry him. But as ever, where there weren’t words, there was touch. Jack was sitting meekly on the end of the bed staring into space. It was only seven o’clock and they were both trying to pretend they weren’t ready to go to sleep already. But they were both dead tired.

‘Shoes off,’ said Ianto.

‘Can’t move,’ replied Jack. ‘I’ve been possessed by something that wants me to stay where I am.’

Ianto rolled his eyes and stepped in front of Jack. ‘We’re going to spend five minutes getting undressed, and then you can lie down and not move for several hours. Good compromise?’

‘No,’ mumbled Jack. ‘Can’t move at all.’

‘I see,’ said Ianto. He knelt down and began to remove Jack’s shoes. Jack did nothing to help him, only sat there like a stubborn four-year-old. Jack liked this. He’d taken his own shoes off for decades. Someone else could do it for once.

Once Jack’s shoes and socks were off Ianto stood and folded his arms, looking sternly down at his insolent lover. Jack appeared to be trying not to giggle. Ianto gave in and chuckled with him.

_How can someone so old look so helpless and young?_

He crouched down and leaned into Jack. Their lips met in a kiss. Jack sighed into him. Unexpectedly, the contact seemed vital, life affirming and stimulating. Their hands travelled around one another’s bodies. Jack very quickly found he could move and shimmied up the bed, Ianto crawling on top of him. The kiss deepened and undeniable passion crashed through both of them.

Tongues battled, hips rocked and the air filled with heavy breathing. Ianto wrapped his arms around Jack so he was cradling him. It seemed so long since he’d held him properly. Made love to him.

He gazed down at Jack. His lips were pink and swollen, his face flushed, his eyes heavy lidded. Ianto went in for another powerful kiss before starting to strip Jack in earnest.

Jack closed his eyes snugly. Ianto’s soft touch was so good. He had no fight left in him, but felt supported. It _had_ been too long. He felt safe in Ianto’s arms as he allowed the pleasure to wash over him.

And then he was being stripped. No thoughts. Just tender ministrations. He looked into Ianto’s eyes. They were kind, warm and deep blue. He returned the kiss as Ianto reached down and removed Jack’s trousers.

They were both surprised by how soon they were naked, but even more surprised that either of them had the energy for this. But it was so right. Tension and release.

‘I’ve got you,’ whispered Ianto.

Jack let his head relax back onto the bed with a sweet moan. He blinked. Ianto had said that fairly recently, hadn’t he?

But he couldn’t concentrate on that for the wonderful things Ianto was doing with his mouth. It was definitely too long since that had happened. He bucked up into Ianto and gasped his name, holding on tight to his shoulders.

Ianto paid attention to every part of Jack that he could, their arousal building and building with each second and every touch. How he loved to see Jack so mild, sighing in his arms. He pressed against him and they both groaned. ‘That’s it,’ rasped Ianto. ‘Good boy.’

‘Not a boy,’ grumbled Jack with a deep scowl, but then he wriggled playfully underneath Ianto.

‘Oh really?’ Ianto sat back on his heels and flipped Jack on his front with a slap to his bottom. ‘Then why were you behaving like a naughty one all day?’ He leaned forward and covered Jack’s body with his own, kissing and nuzzling his neck.

Jack froze. Ianto was at his neck, pressing hard. Jack was certain he could feel teeth.

Instantly he shook the thought away. Ianto was himself again. He wouldn’t harm him. He pressed back up into Ianto and tried to lose himself in that sweet pleasure that would transport him away.

‘Fuck me,’ he pleaded. ‘Want you.’

Ianto knelt back again, running soothing hands over Jack’s back. ‘You sure? You were too tired to move just a moment ago.’

‘I’m sure,’ groaned Jack, rolling his hips into the mattress.

But he wasn’t. Fear nudged at him. What if it hurt? What if he was damaged down there? Would it sting? Burn? Would he feel nothing but the memory of that hurt?

Jack just wanted it to be okay. He would _make_ it okay. He would take it, no matter what. And everything would go back to normal.

‘Take me,’ he choked out.

‘Oh I will,’ growled Ianto, who was getting himself ready. ‘You’re mine.’

_Mine_

Jack froze, squeezing his eyes shut and trying to ignore the feelings surging up inside him. His arousal was ebbing away.

‘Ianto…’ he whimpered.

‘Jack!’ said Ianto, gripping Jack’s hips firmly and pulling him onto all fours. ‘Mine.’

_Mine_

Silently, Jack screamed. He wanted it to be okay. But it wasn’t. It just wasn’t.

_Ianto. Please. Can’t._

His whole body went rigid as Ianto pulled back to prepare himself. He tried not to flinch away as he felt Ianto’s hand slide across his hip.

He winced, tears stinging his eyes. Ianto withdrew completely and Jack squeezed his eyes shut and waited for the burn of penetration.

But there was nothing. All was quiet.

He sat back on his heels and shifted round on the bed. Ianto was kneeling behind him; eyes staring, face ashen. His whole body was quaking.

‘Ianto?’ breathed Jack, now knowing nothing but concern.

There was no answer, just unsteady breathing and trembling hands. Jack couldn’t move.

‘Ianto?’ he urged once more.

‘ _Fydd_ ,’ answered Ianto.

Ianto was shaking. He simply shook his head. ‘Jack…’ he breathed.

‘It wasn’t you,’ said Jack, approaching Ianto. He held out his hand. ‘Come here.’

‘I…couldn’t…hurt…you,’ whimpered Ianto, his breath hitching. ‘Jack…I…’

‘Shhh,’ soothed Jack. He pulled Ianto into him and wrapped a blanket around the two of them. ‘I know.’

Ianto trembled in his arms. ‘I remember. I remember. I remember,’ he chanted. ‘Oh God Jack. You said the word and I…’

‘It wasn’t you. It wasn’t,’ whispered Jack.

Ianto pulled away slightly to look at Jack who had gone deathly pale. ‘It really happened?’

‘Yes. It really happened. But I’m fine.’

Ianto’s eyes widened in horror and his mouth opened and closed several times as he searched for words.

‘I’m fine, Ianto. Really I’m fine,’ Jack said, trying not to let his fear in his eyes show. But it did.

Ianto stared at Jack. ‘I _remember_. I remember everything. It’s back. Like a fog has lifted. That was the final memory.’

‘Are you sure?’ asked Jack, uncertain.

‘Yeah. I remember it all. Everything we did…everything I did to you. And you let me…at first.’

‘I didn’t know what was going on,’ said Jack quickly. ‘You were…sort of… seductive…compelling’

‘Because I was hypnotising you!’

‘No. I remember when you were doing that. But there were times, before the Vampire got a real hold of you, that it was just you and me.’

Ianto nodded slowly. ‘That club. Before, when you…lied about it, you told me I was never there…’

‘I’m sorry,’ breathed Jack, feeling weak.

‘It was because you didn’t want me to remember because…because you wanted to forget too.’

Jack tried to speak but couldn’t. The last of his resolve suddenly gave way with a loud sob and he dissolved in Ianto’s arms.

Ianto held onto him with all of his strength, offering all of his heart, giving up all he had to support Jack. Inside, he was slowly turning to stone. He let Jack weep for several minutes.

‘I’m sorry,’ sniffed Jack. ‘I know it wasn’t you, but…’

‘I raped you,’ said Ianto, coldly.

‘Don’t use that **word**! You didn’t…rape me!’ argued Jack. ‘It got out of hand. You were rough. You ignored me. It was just…the vampire taking what he wanted.’

Ianto winced and blinked slowly.

Jack was starting to panic. His words came fast, spilling over each other as they fell out of him. 

‘I think the hypnosis was working at that point; perhaps you didn’t even know how to use it. I remember that foggy feeling. I couldn’t work out what to say to you. I didn’t even say ‘no’. You were too caught up. I was…It just got…out of hand.’

Silence. Ianto closed his eyes and breathed deeply.

‘No, Jack,’ he said, softly. ‘You told me to be gentle and I wasn’t. Rape is about power, not sex. A rapist uses actual force or violence, or even just the threat of it, to take control over another human being. You used the safe word and I ignored you.’

Jack swallowed hard and spoke softly, his voice small. ‘It wasn’t _you_.’

Ianto ignored him. ‘I hurt you.’

‘I’m fine now,’ said Jack. ‘Really.’

‘I can’t believe I did this. I did every kind of evil act and I did it to _you_.’

‘Not every kind of evil, Ianto.’

‘Oh right. I guess I didn’t have time to commit tax fraud between the rape and murder.’

Jack flinched. ‘Don’t use that word,’ he whispered.

Ianto sighed. ‘It’s all come back to me now. All in a rush. The fog’s all gone.’ His voice was distant. ‘Don’t know why it took so long.’

‘Our brains are clever. They often only release as much information into your consciousness as they know you can handle,’ explained Jack.

‘How could anyone handle _this_?’ asked Ianto, his voice breaking.

Jack held onto him. ‘We’ll handle it together. It wasn’t you, Ianto. In time, you’ll be able to detach yourself from these memories. I promise.’

Ianto couldn’t speak any more. Jack tugged him tighter into his arms and they lay down together, pulling the blankets over them.

Now the secret was out, Jack felt the last of his tension drift away. He moved in as close to Ianto as possible and allowed himself to flirt with sleep. And soon enough, he was slumbering in Ianto’s arms.

But Ianto could not rest. He could see it all. The blood, the sex, the hurt he’d caused.

Music drifted through his mind, that pounding beat.

_Blue eyes. He’s on the dark side._

The words pounded in his head and he remembered how alive he’d felt, how dominating, how _powerful_.

_Tea Boy wanted to be with you forever. So sweet. Only he didn’t realise how good this would feel. I didn’t know, Jack._

Ianto could _see_ that dark creature he’d been, see the hurt he’d caused Jack.

_I can fuck you and kill you ten times a day for the whole of eternity, and we can still play scrabble together after dinner!_

How that _monster_ had _enjoyed_ hurting Jack. Ianto felt sick to think of it.

_Tell me you don’t want me to fuck you so hard you go flying back to the stars and finally know some peace._

_When I get out of here, I’m going to sink my teeth into your neck and bleed you dry._

_You’re my human, do you know that? I’ll have you, take you, fuck you and make you die over and over again and you’ll have no choice. I’ll keep you, drain you every fucking day. And you’ll beg me to do it over and over again._

Ianto choked on it, choked on the memories cloying at him. They thudded over and over again in his mind. He could smell the incense. Every single thing was tainted with it.

Ianto turned his face into Jack, who lay sleeping so peacefully.

‘I don’t know how to live with this. I don’t know how _you_ are going to live with this. With me.’

He breathed deeply and, for the last time, allowed himself to cry into Jack.


	27. Chapter 27

Ianto moved slowly around the hub, checking everything. The CCTV system was running perfectly with its new updates. The archives were all perfectly in order.

He’d made out a To Do list for Jack for the next two weeks. After that…well, by then they’d have hired someone else.

Everything was in order, just the way Ianto liked it. He felt calm now, soothed by his organising. Everything would be all right now.

With Ianto running everything like clockwork, Jack also felt calm. Everything was out in the open once and for all. Ianto would heal; they all would. And now it was business as usual. He felt his heart swell with pride as he watched Ianto performing his duties. He knew Ianto was hurting. He knew there must be guilt. But they would get there.

Gwen watched them both. She’d never known Jack to be so wiped out. She thought to herself, rather darkly, that he may well have died of exhaustion at least once over the last few days and simply come bounding back to make a conference call.

But Ianto was another matter. She had seen him like this before. The steadiness. The smile not quite reaching the eyes. The neater and tidier he was on the outside, the more tormented he was on the inside. But Jack was oblivious; _unable_ to believe that Ianto was anything other than safe and sound. She began to feel that she was the only remaining member of Torchwood left with any objectivity. And perhaps she was.

Ianto barely spoke. He barely made eye contact with anyone. But he was pleasant and calm. Three days slowly drifted by and Ianto knew there was only one way that Jack could live with what had happened.

He watched darkness fall. It was late. Gwen had gone home and he was finally free of her cool gaze. He held Jack to him and kissed him softly.

‘You’re so quiet, Ianto,’ Jack murmured.

Ianto caressed his cheek. ‘Don’t worry about me. I’m just…coming to terms with everything. Now, it’s time for bed.’

Jack sighed dramatically. ‘You’re so bossy lately.’

Ianto smiled fondly. ‘And you’re exhausted.’

They undressed each other and climbed into bed. Ianto wrapped Jack in his arms and kissed him softly. ‘Go to sleep now.’

‘You’re staying and sleeping too though?’

‘Of course.’ Ianto kissed Jack gently on the forehead. ‘I love you.’

Jack smiled and closed his eyes. ‘I love you too.’

Ianto held Jack close and watched him slowly fall asleep.

Ianto breathed deeply and took just a moment to gaze at Jack. He smiled a little, then carefully edged out of bed and got dressed.

He put on his best suit. The plain black one, with a red shirt and black tie. His shoes were perfectly polished and he had emptied his pockets of any ID.

He looked once at Jack, then turned and climbed up the ladder and into Jack’s office. He opened the desk drawer and brought out the small tin Jack kept there. He opened it and took out the photograph of himself. Ianto remembered how happy he’d been the day Jack had placed that photograph in there. That tin was for people Jack wanted to remember.

But now, Ianto’s picture didn’t belong in there. He took it out, then replaced the tin in the drawer.

He placed the picture on the desk with a carefully written note on top of it.

_Please don’t remember me_.

Everything had gone away. Ianto didn’t hurt inside anymore. He didn’t feel anything but calm.

He drove home. Quietly, he attended to everything which needed doing. He emptied his fridge and freezer. He tidied up and emptied his bins. He packed his things into boxes and turned off his electricity.

It was time. He left his car. He took a taxi out of the city, then walked the rest of the way. The walk soothed him and let him think. He knew this was the right thing to do. It was the only way. At least this way, Jack wouldn’t have to face the hurt Ianto had caused.

He breathed deeply as he walked up to the cliff. This was it.

He gazed down at the darkness below him. One step more and he would fall into nothingness and it would all be over. The end. The darkness would embrace him and take him away.

He closed his eyes. What would happen afterwards? His Da had always told him about heaven. He wasn’t sure if it was true. But he had to have faith. Perhaps, by sacrificing himself to save Jack’s hurt, his soul might be saved. But perhaps his soul was too damaged by that dark creature he’d let into his life.

He took a deep breath.

_‘Now I lay me down to sleep,_   
_I pray the Lord my soul to keep;_   
_Should I die before I wake,_   
_I pray the Lord my soul to take.’_

His voice was quiet and his last thought was of the peace that prayer had once brought him.

‘ _Jack_ ,’ he breathed and stepped forwards into the darkness.

‘Ianto!’

Ianto caught himself right on the edge and blinked slowly. Jack? Could Jack have come after him? No, he didn’t _want_ that. He didn’t _want_ Jack to have to see him die. He wanted to just disappear from Jack’s life forever.

But it wasn’t Jack’s voice. It was Gwen’s.

‘Ianto. Don’t.’

Ianto felt bitterness swell inside him. It was _PC Cooper_ again. He scowled.

But he was wrong. She didn’t sound like a policewoman. She just sounded like Gwen.

He turned slightly and looked at her. She was lit only by the soft headlights from her car behind her. Her dark hair whipped around her face in the wind and her soft brown eyes were wide with concern. Her face had blanched, making her freckles jump out at him.

‘Don’t. Please.’ Exhaustion filled her voice. She sounded weak. He knew there was no physical way she could stop him. She stood there, still and sad.

He thought for a moment, still rooted to his position, right on the edge of the cliff. ‘How did you know I was here?’ He could just fall backwards into the darkness. But he didn’t want her to see it either.

‘I followed you,’ she said. ‘Jack should have been honest from the start. Would have been easier for you.’

Ianto turned back and gazed into the darkness as shame consumed him.

‘Ianto,’ she spoke softly. ‘You need to know something. We could, and should, have killed you. You know that. He knows that. But we couldn’t. We did everything we could to bring you back. Do you think we would have bothered if we didn’t want you here?’

He said nothing but turned his head to look at her.

‘For God’s sake, Ianto, please step away from the edge.’

‘I can’t live with this, Gwen,’ he said. ‘What I did to him…to others…’

‘It wasn’t you. It happened as a result of a choice you made, but you didn’t know this would happen.’

Ianto looked away.

‘Ianto. You didn’t choose to kill anyone. You chose to try to be with Jack forever. If you’d known what was going to happen, you wouldn’t have done it. It wasn’t _you_.’

‘It was still these hands, Gwen! This body, Gwen. People are dead because of me!’

‘Ianto, people die all the time because of decisions people make. It’s indirect. It’s not intentional. If it were, you would have been shot. By me, by Jack. But you’re still an innocent and we got you back!’

‘An innocent?’ spat Ianto. ‘Do you know what I did to him? Did he tell you? I attacked him! I…’

He couldn’t say it. Gwen said nothing. She barely reacted. She just listened.

‘I remember everything. It was like being drunk. Or in the back seat of your mind, and someone else is driving. I wanted him. And then I…’

‘It wasn’t you,’ she said again. ‘Ianto, think! Think of all the terrible things people do to each other under the influence of alcohol, or drugs. Or under strain. Why do you think we have these laws? Temporary insanity. Diminished responsibility.’

‘Oh great. So I’m off the hook.’

‘Do you want me to send you to prison? Huh, Ianto?’ She was getting angry now. ‘I’m sure Jack would love that. That is, if you haven’t killed yourself and done the one thing that would crush him completely.’

Ianto flinched.

‘I can do that, Ianto. They could tie the death of that boy to you. And you’d get life.’

His heart was pounding. He forced himself to look at her.

‘Or you can make amends. Continue to do what you do best and help us fight what’s coming. Because we need you. But if you die now, if you give into this guilt, you’ll go down as the monster, not the man.’

He turned from her once more. Then he began to pace, suddenly lost. Things weren’t going to plan.

‘He’s _always_ saving me, always protecting _me_. The world needs him. He’s here for a reason. To help people. And yet he threw that all away because he loves me. I never thought I’d hear him say it. The best thing he could say to me. But it’s a curse. He can’t think straight when it comes to me. I need to be out of his way. Best thing I can do for Jack is be gone. So he won’t have to hurt when he looks at me, so _he_ won’t have to face what I did to him. So he can be what he needs to be.’

‘Oh what the hell is that, Ianto? Vampire logic?’

‘I should be dead!’

‘Tough!’ she screamed. ‘What do you think this is like for him? For me? All those things you did, you did to him and he still loves you. He died for you. And this is how you repay him! Well, Ianto, I guess you really are just a coward after all!’

He reeled in shock. She was trembling with fury and her eyes were fierce. He could tell she meant it.

‘Go on then! Jump! End it all. Be another statistic. Destroy him. Go on, Ianto. Destroy you and destroy him. Destroy all three of us while you’re at it. And when you’ve done that, rejoice in the knowledge that you single-handedly brought down Torchwood because you couldn’t look your lover in the face.’

His mouth fell open. She was suddenly walking away.

‘Gwen!’ It was an anguished shout. ‘I’m doing this to help.’

She stepped back towards him slowly. ‘You’re helping yourself,’ she hissed. ‘I know you’re in pain. I can’t imagine the pain you’re in. But it will pass. You can do more good by staying. This is the easy way out.’

‘Easy!’ bellowed Ianto, fury coming off him in waves. ‘How the hell is this easy?’

‘Oh there you are, Ianto,’ said Gwen, evenly. ‘You’ve come back to us after all.’

‘W…what?’ stammered Ianto, quaking.

‘You’re a fighter. Pure and simple. And we need you. It’s why we love you. In time you’ll accept that. But you need to fight this. Don’t give in. Don’t let it take you away again.’ Her voice waivered.

Ianto blinked at her through the dark.

‘It’ll kill him Ianto. If it were ever possible for Jack to die, this would be how. You wouldn’t be saving him, Ianto. You would be forcing him to live with the pain of your memory forever. Think about it, Ianto. You could have years together yet. Or you could have tomorrow. But just think of how _he’d_ feel if he wasn’t even there when you died, if he knew that you took yourself away from him. If all he knows of it is when they find your mangled body at the bottom of this cliff. You’d kill him, Ianto.’

Ianto shuddered. The world buzzed around him, the thoughts rushing around in his head. His own breathing roared in his ears. He glanced up at her. She’d edged closer to him, as if ready to grab him if he made that leap.

He thought about it. He could still do it. He could end it. _I pray the Lord my soul to take_. He may not even have a soul anymore. But…at least he had Jack. And Jack _loved_ him.

‘Gwen…’

‘I’m taking you home. And he’s never going to find out about this. Got that? After all the protection he’s given you, you owe him that. I never want him to know how eager you were to leave him.’

Ianto scowled. ‘I never want to leave him! This is the whole point. The only reason I did this is so I could be with him forever.’

Gwen huffed with frustration. ‘Then why the hell are you trying to throw yourself off a cliff?’

Ianto opened his mouth to answer, but no answer came. He didn’t know. He didn’t know what he was doing. He looked at Gwen wide-eyed. A lost boy.

Gwen’s expression softened. ‘You won’t always feel this way, Ianto. It will get better. And Jack…all Jack wants is for you to feel better, to be soothed and to love him. That’s it.’

He had no words. But in that moment, she was all he had. All he knew and all he could trust. She was so real, so human, so innocent. And she, too, wanted him to live.

‘Home,’ said Gwen, firmly.

He didn’t speak; just followed her into her car and she drove them back to the hub.


	28. Chapter 28

Ianto retraced his steps back through the office. He replaced his picture back in the tin. Jack was going to remember him now. He only hoped he remembered the good in there, beneath all that pain.

Jack was sleeping peacefully, evenly. Ianto undressed, hanging his suit back up in the wardrobe. He gazed at his face in the mirror.

It was the same old face. Tired, with slight bags under his eyes. He wasn’t smiling; he just looked thoughtful. His teeth were ordinary and blunt. His skin was only Welsh-white, not Vampire white. His eyes were a soft grey blue, his da’s eyes. He searched his reflection for that evil. He remembered seeing dark power in his eyes and liking it.

But, now, there was simply worry and exhaustion. He was simple. He was human. He was Jack’s boy. And Jack was his boy. And Jack _loved_ him.

Ianto climbed into bed and pressed his naked body close to Jack’s, sharing the warmth there under the blankets. He caressed Jack’s face.

_‘Now the darkness only stays the night-time_

_In the morning it will fade away.’_

He whispered the words softly, hopefully. That was all he wanted; the darkness to face away and peace to return. Maybe one day it would.

Jack never knew about Ianto’s journey into the darkness, or his return with Gwen. He only knew that Ianto wanted things to be normal again.

Days had gone by. Ianto had been quiet, thoughtful. Jack tried to talk about things but Ianto merely smiled and softly whispered that there was no need to talk.

‘Gwen, do you think he’s…all right?’ Jack asked as he watched Ianto wander off for his lunch break and some fresh air.

She smiled. ‘Yes. He’s…digesting.’

Jack frowned. ‘He hasn’t had his lunch yet.’

She hit him on the arm. ‘Don’t be dense. He’s _working through_ everything he’s been through, everything he put us through.’

‘He didn’t put us through anything,’ Jack snapped. ‘It wasn’t him.’

‘Jack.’ Her voice snapped on the word and he jumped.

‘What?’

‘You have to let him take responsibility.’

‘I don’t want him to get hurt.’

‘He’s already hurting. And he needs to hurt. If he wasn’t hurting, he’d still be that other thing, that _creature_.’

Jack frowned and stared down at his shoes. ‘Yeah, I guess. I just want to wrap him up and keep him safe.’

She patted his arm where she’d hit it. ‘I know. He’s so young, we all want to do that. Tosh always used to say she wanted to just bundle him up and cuddle him to death.’

Jack smiled dreamily. ‘Even Owen used to call him a boy.’

Gwen giggled. ‘Don’t tell me you’re getting dreamy about the ‘teaboy’ nickname? A good way to get into trouble with Ianto, that is.’

Jack grinned. ‘Precisely. Maybe I can find one of Owen’s old memos he addressed to ‘teaboy’.’

Gwen held up her hand dismissively. ‘Whatever. I **do not** want to know about your sordid sex games with office equipment, thank you?’

Jack grinned. ‘Why not? They’re the best ones in my view.’ He started to walk away. ‘You know, desks, chairs, rulers, the CCTV system.’ He sauntered away, hands behind his back whistling and happy. She shook her head in amusement. Normality. Just a little bit of normality, just right.

She chewed her pencil and gazed at the photographs of Tosh and Own on her desk. She grinned at Tosh.

‘Thanks for that lesson on the CCTV system, Tosh. Now I know _just_ how to hack into it.’

Ianto didn’t eat lunch. He didn’t feel hungry. Instead, he wandered. He didn’t know quite where he was going but something took him to his car. He drove along, taking in the quiet scenes of normality around him. They soothed him, made him feel a little part of that world.

He didn’t notice but soon he was driving through his old neighbourhood in Newport, where he’d grown up. He remembered climbing those trees; running along that pavement; balancing on that low brick wall; playing knock and run on Mister Peter’s flaky red door.

He remembered growing up in that house, snuggling up in his bed and listening to his dad tell bible stories and soothe him with prayers.

He parked the car against the pavement of his old house and took it in. Every evening when he’d finished his homework, he’d been allowed one hour to go to the park before tea and bed. He’d found the shortest way and he would run as fast as he could so he could spend as long as possible playing at the park.

He locked up his car and, barely knowing what he was doing, he broke into a run. His feet pounded along the hot pavement. The sun caressed him from above. His lungs felt heavy and his limbs began to ache but he kept running as fast as he possibly could. He was _free_.

He reached the park. It was empty. Well, mid-day on a weekday, the only people who would be here would be the druggies and Mrs Robertson scared them away on a regular basis. It was The Umbrella which did it. Ianto at been at the sharp end of its metal tip more than once for screaming with delight on his way down the slide.

He rubbed his arm at the fifteen-year-old memory of pain on it. He smiled and took a seat on the old metal swing. How simple life had been back then. Mind your manners. Be home on time. Keep your room clean and your clothes tidy. Pray to God every night before bed. Simple rules. Simple time.

Now he was in charge of his own life. He’d made a mess of it. There was no punishment to take away the guilt, just the guilt itself. He had to live with it. It was all he could do. He had to live with what he’d done, try and make amends for it. There was so much to make up for. He’d never have enough time. But, at least, he could spend every day trying.

_You must do right or your soul will be lost and you won’t go to heaven._

That lesson had been drummed into him over and over again as a child. At school, at church, at Sunday school. He’d believed it. He’d _always_ tried to do good. He’d always tried to help people, to do the right thing. He’d thought about his soul sometimes.

Everyone wanted their soul to be saved, he supposed. Except if you didn’t believe in souls, like Jack. Maybe Jack was right. Maybe there were no souls, no God, no heaven. There was the devil but that was different. Ianto had become a devil, become that evil which sought to hurt, and loved it.

But that was gone now. That creature had died. And maybe the vampire had gone to hell and left Ianto alone to make up for everything they’d done together.

Ianto smoothed his hands up and down the slippery grey metal of the swing. He pushed off with his feet and began to swing, slowly at first, then higher and higher.

He remembered the innocent boy he’d once been, when his biggest worry had been getting his homework finished on time. He remembered the time before the arguments, before he’d lost those he loved, before all the pain.

He could never be that innocent boy again. Never. But he knew, _knew_ , that he was a good person inside. He’d done terrible things. He’d hurt people. But he was still there, still himself.

He swung back and forth, letting the air whisk past him and take all his thoughts away. He was just a boy, playing on a swing.

He didn’t care about souls. All he wanted was to be with Jack for as long as he could, and to make amends. And he would do it. He would spend every moment of his doubtless-short life making amends.

He swung back and forth on his swing, gripping the grubby metal tightly. He would make it right, even if he had to spend the rest of his life doing it. It would all be right again.

The rift was getting its revenge. After all its quiet over the past few weeks, it was catching up. The work was non-stop. Gwen was kind of grateful. It was forcing them back to reality, their warped normality.

Ianto was efficient, throwing his entire self into his work. He worked with Jack in perfect symmetry, the perfect team. Gwen was reminded of that weevil hunt two weeks ago, the way Jack and Ianto worked together. But now, Ianto was just himself.

‘Jack, more weevils,’ Ianto called across the hub.

‘ _Again_?’ Impatience bit at Jack’s voice. It was getting late and all he wanted was to let the day finish and go to bed with Ianto.

Gwen grabbed more weevil spray from the medical bay. They’d run low. ‘Do we have room in the cells for any more weevils?’

‘We might have to open the last level of cells,’ Ianto said, rushing across the hub to help Jack into his coat.

Gwen had struggled to find a word for how things were now. She thought about it as they travelled to the latest weevil sighting.

Jack and Ianto sat in the front. Jack was driving and Ianto was directing him. She watched them and smiled, despite the urgency of the situation. They were completely in synch, as if they could reach each other’s thoughts. They were back to normal. They were together. They were… _even_.

She was happy. They were happy. All three of them together. She smiled dreamily at them. Her lost boys, found again.

‘Gwen? Gwen, hello? Anybody in there?’ It was Ianto.

She blinked at him. ‘What?’

Ianto grinned at her. ‘Drifting off there a bit?’

‘Yeah, sorry.’

He smiled. ‘It’s all right.’

‘What were you saying?’

‘Just making sure you know what you’re doing. You got your spray?’

‘Yeah.’ She held it up. ‘Right here.’

‘Right, kids,’ said Jack, in that brisk tone. ‘Here we are! Everybody out.’

‘Trying to establish yourself as the boss again, Jack?’ Ianto said, smirking as he climbed out of the car.

Jack gave him an affectionate little push. ‘Now, now. Don’t get cheeky. You know perfectly well I _am_ the boss.’

Ianto smirked wider. ‘Just keep telling yourself that, Jack.’

Gwen couldn’t help but giggle to herself as they hurried over to where Ianto’s scanner was picking up the weevils. There were quite a few of them huddled in one corner of a dark alley on the edge of Cardiff.

Jack, Ianto and Gwen hurried over, gripping their sprays and with their guns at their sides. They never shot weevils if they could help it.

Ianto was the first into the fray. They all knew how to do this. Gwen grappled with her weevil, oblivious to everything around her. She could hear Ianto and Jack both grunting with their weevils.

Her weevil went down, taking her spray right in the face. It was only then she heard the shouts.

She struggled to her feet. She was hazy with exhaustion but, in the darkness, she could see shadows running towards them. Jack and Ianto were on their feet, their guns drawn.

‘Stay right where you are,’ Jack barked, aiming his gun towards the intruders.

Gwen fumbled for her gun.

‘Them’s our monsters!’ shouted a rough voice.

‘Step back,’ called Jack. ‘We’re Torchwood and you don’t wanna mess with us.’

‘Shut the fuck up, yank,’ spat one of the men striding towards them.

Jack clicked his gun. ‘I’m warning you. One more step.’

Gwen saw the intruding men had guns too and they were all pointed straight at them.

Ianto’s eyes flitted between the strangers and Jack. His hands gripped his gun tightly, feeling his heart pound. All the weevils were now unconscious behind them and he could feel the tension in Jack as he faced down the strangers.

There were four of them. Ianto could just make them out in the darkness. Jack was preparing his shot. He’d picked out the leader and he was sure he could drop him in a second.

The leader’s eyes narrowed. They had to get out of here, without their monsters if necessary. He clenched his free fist, aimed his gun and shot right at the head of the lad in the suit.

There was a cry and several more shots aimed at them. But they had gone.

Gwen had seen it all happen so slowly. The shot was fired. The bullet struck Ianto right between the eyes and he went down.

Jack screamed with anguish and fired several shots in the direction of the men. But they had already gone and he didn’t care.


	29. Chapter 29

Jack stumbled over to Ianto, dropped to his knees and gathered Ianto into his arms. Gwen slid over to them, trembling.

Hot tears stung at Jack’s eyes.

‘Ianto, Ianto!’ he called, his voice shaking. ‘Ianto, speak to me.’

Gwen couldn’t breathe. Ianto was still. Jack was crying.

 _No, not after all this,_ Gwen thought.

‘Ianto, _please_ ,’ Jack gasped and suddenly, Ianto opened his eyes.

‘Ianto?’

‘I’m…fine.’

Gwen blinked the blurriness away from her eyes and looked properly at Ianto. He was lying with his head in Jack’s lap, blinking up at them. There was no blood, no ghastly hole in Ianto’s forehead. He was…fine.

Jack held Ianto tight. ‘You’re…you’re…’

Ianto sat up, though Jack was holding him so tightly it was rather difficult. ‘I’m all right. It must’ve…missed.’

‘But…I _saw_ it,’ Jack said. ‘I saw the bullet go straight for you. I thought…’ His voice lowered to a shaky whisper. ‘I thought we’d lost you.’

Ianto smiled and let Jack pull him into a tight hug. ‘Well I’m fine. You haven’t got rid of me yet.’

Gwen joined in the hug but she shaky and odd. Something wasn’t right. She was _sure_ she’d seen that bullet heading straight for Ianto, yet here he was, unharmed.

Ianto glanced at her and she could see the confusion in his eyes too. Only Jack seemed to give absolutely no thought to it. All he did was hold Ianto tight and breathe into his shoulder.

For the fourth time in a row, Ianto rewound the CCTV footage and watched it through carefully. Jack was buried deep in paperwork, going through it thoroughly but grumpily. Gwen had been on the phone with the police all day, trying to trace the gang of weevil-hunters they’d come across last night.

Late on in the afternoon, Gwen reached for her mug of coffee and remembered she hadn’t had any since lunchtime. She peered around for Ianto and noticed him sitting stone still, staring at his monitor.

She frowned and went over to him. She put a hand on his shoulder. ‘Ianto, are you okay?’

He glanced briefly up at her. ‘Yeah. Only…’

‘What?’

He glanced towards Jack’s office to make sure he was still buried in his paperwork. Seeing Jack wasn’t watching them, he looked back at Gwen.

‘I’ve been thinking about last night.’

‘Yeah, me too. Is that it?’ she asked, pointing towards the monitor.

‘Yeah. It’s not _that_ clear but…’

‘But you got shot in the head.’

He sighed deeply. ‘Yeah. I got shot in the head.’ He leaned back in his chair and gazed unhappily at the monitor. ‘It doesn’t make sense.’

She bit her lip and watched the monitor as Ianto ran the footage again. It was definite. Ianto had got shot in the head and survived.

They sat still for several minutes, absorbing it. Gwen’s hand still rested on Ianto’s shoulder and she could feel him breathing unsteadily.

Suddenly, Ianto was moving, switching off the monitor and heading for the door.

‘Ianto, where are you going?’

‘Out. Tell Jack I went for donuts.’

‘Last time you said that it didn’t go well.’

He stopped, turned back and smiled. ‘I’m just going to find out what’s going on.’ He strode back over to her and leaned down to kiss her cheek. ‘Don’t worry. No more rash decisions for me.’

He smiled tenderly at her, then turned and walked away. She breathed deeply and watched him go, knowing he was right.

Ianto moved quickly and confidently towards her house. Only _she_ had the answers for him now.

He trembled as he entered that red velvet-draped room and he remembered coming here before. She was sitting at her table, her long hair caressing her face and her cards in front of her. She laid out another card. On it, Ianto could see a man holding a gun.

She looked up at him and smiled evenly. ‘I saw you coming.’

‘Of course you did,’ he said icily. ‘Did you see _him_ coming as well? Did you see what I would turn into?’

She put her head on one side and considered him. ‘I cannot take responsibility for other people’s choices.’

He smiled. ‘Of course you can’t. Look, I’m not here to go through all that. After all that’s gone on…well, there’s no more to be said about that.’ He took a seat and sighed.

She watched him across the table and merely waited for him to speak.

‘Something happened yesterday, something I don’t understand.’

‘I know,’ she said. She cast her hand over the card. ‘You are confused.’

‘You’re damn right I am. I get shot in the head and survive? Have I turned into Jack overnight?’

She smiled oddly. ‘I gave you what you asked for.’

Ianto frowned. ‘Yes, but…I was wrong and Jack…cured me. Right?’ His pulse started to race and his skin felt clammy. ‘I am…cured?’

‘His love made you safe.’

‘He…I…’

She reached across and touched his hand. ‘I gave you what you wanted.’ She smiled warmly. ‘Because he loves you, you’ve been given forever.’


	30. Chapter 30

‘Donuts?!’ shouted Jack. ‘And you let him go? Because the last time this happened the donuts came back as a Vampire!’

Gwen breathed in deeply. ‘Jack, he’s not going to do anything stupid. This time.’

Jack grit his teeth and pointed a finger at her. ‘If he doesn’t come back with donuts, you’re in serious…’

At that moment the cog door opened. It was Ianto. They stared at him and he stared back.

‘Where are the donuts?’ asked Jack, dangerously, walking right up to him. Ianto raised an eyebrow. He was going to have to come up with another cover story when he sneaked off. The donuts were obviously passé.

‘I didn’t go for donuts,’ he said quietly, trying not to smile at Jack’s rather paternal glowering.

‘Where did you go?’ Jack fired another question, his hands on his hips.

Ianto didn’t answer immediately. He took a deep breath.

‘I have something to tell you both.’

They were seated around the conference table again. It felt like a family meeting, and as Gwen and Jack stared at him intently Ianto tried to shake off the feeling of being in trouble with his parents. He was certainly a lot more than a child now.

‘I went to see her again.’ He paused and glanced at Jack; he was trembling with anger.

‘Because I’m not quite right, not back to normal, not entirely.’

‘Why?’ asked Jack urgently. ‘How?’

‘You were shot,’ said Gwen slowly. She was studying him. He was sure she was working it out but simply didn’t want to. As if it were too much.

‘But he was fine,’ said Jack dismissively.

‘Yes,’ said Ianto. ‘And it looks like I’m going to be fine for some time.’

‘Oh my God,’ breathed Gwen. She _had_ worked it out.

But Jack looked from Ianto to Gwen wildly.

‘Will someone tell me what’s going on?’

‘I’m not a Vampire anymore, Jack,’ said Ianto softly, placing his hand on Jack’s.

‘I know!’ said Jack impatiently. ‘Hello! Been there, done that, saved your ass.’

‘I was shot, Jack. Between the eyes. Know what that feels like?’

Jack opened his mouth and closed it, his bottom lip threatening to wobble. Ianto knew he wasn’t allowing himself to put two and two together, scared of what this may mean.

‘I didn’t die. Because I can’t.’

‘Oh my God,’ said Gwen again, now in considerable shock. He’d said it now. It was becoming real.

Panic flashed across Jack’s face. ‘So what went wrong?’ he asked. ‘There’s still something in you, something we need to do? I thought the Vampire was dead.’

Ianto gazed at him calmly. ‘The Vampire is gone, Jack. But _she_ …Faith said she has given me ‘forever’.’

‘W…w…why?’ breathed Jack.

Ianto glanced at Gwen who looked like she thought she was dreaming and would surely wake up soon next to a snoring Rhys. Then he looked back at Jack.

‘She said…your love made me safe. Because you love me, she’s given me what I asked for. Forever. And I won’t die.’ He couldn’t believe he was saying it. He couldn’t believe it was real.

Jack’s mouth had fallen open.

_Only love will make him safe._

Suddenly it made sense. He _remembered_ her saying it, so long ago now. She’d known, all that time ago. Of course she had.

He looked into Ianto’s eyes and they shared a euphoric, deep understanding. But all they could do was stare at each other.

‘Oh my God,’ said Gwen.

‘You said that already,’ said Ianto with a smirk.

‘So now neither of you can die?’ She blinked. ‘When do I become bloody immortal?’

‘You never know,’ said Ianto with a laugh.

Jack was still gazing at him. ‘You can’t die?’ he asked.

‘Apparently not. Wanna jump off a building with me and find out?’

‘Oh. My. God.’ Gwen put her head in her hands.

Jack scowled at Ianto. ‘Time and a place,’ he chided. ‘This is serious.’

‘So you can’t be harmed then?’ asked Gwen.

‘I heal very quickly. Quicker than Jack.’

Without further ado, Gwen yanked out an earring and stabbed the pointed metal of it into the back of Ianto’s hand.

‘Ouch!’ he yelped.

‘Hey!’ shouted Jack, leaping to his feet.

‘Hold still,’ ordered Gwen, holding Ianto’s wrist firmly on the table.

They watched as the small hole in his flesh and the bead of blood disappeared, Ianto’s hand was healing instantly before their eyes.

‘Oh my God,’ said Jack.

‘Oh my God,’ said Gwen, also standing and wiping her earring on her jeans.

‘Cool!’ said Ianto, his eyes gleaming as he regarded his hand.

Jack glared at him. ‘Cool?’ he snarled. ‘You can’t die! You’re stuck forever. Are you crazy?’

Ianto looked hurt. ‘I’m stuck with you, Jack. Isn’t that what you wanted? Or does the lack of variety concern you?’

Now Jack looked hurt. ‘I only meant…Ianto…it’s no picnic.’

‘I know,’ said Ianto. He stood and closed the distance between them.

Gwen watched eagerly. Could there really be a happy ending in all of this?

‘But you’re not alone now. I’m never going to leave you.’

Jack was speechless.

‘But it would kind of suck, if after all of this, you decided to leave me,’ mumbled Ianto. ‘I might have to go and hook up with the Doctor.’ There was a twinkle in his eye.

Gwen held her breath. Then the two men fell into each other’s arms and stayed that way for some time. She laughed silently to herself. ‘Oh my God.’

She had cried on the way home. She couldn’t separate the thoughts and the feelings. The emotions simply washed over her. How happy she was for them. How much they’d been through already. And yet, she suddenly felt she wasn’t a part of it. She was going to be left behind. The thought both terrified her and soothed her. There was the comfort of being normal, but the idea of being separated from those two men, who she’d done everything for, tore her apart.

She wept as she drove home through the rain.

She entered the flat and there he was. Her husband. And her world. Gwen and Rhys. Since she’d joined Torchwood she’d never felt more propelled towards her ordinary life. She threw her keys down on the table and breathed in the smell of lasagne.

‘Hello my lovely,’ said Rhys with a grin. ‘What’s occurring?’

‘Oh the usual,’ she said. ‘Couple of weevils, some rift activity. And turns out Ianto’s immortal.’

‘Oh right,’ said Rhys, frowning slightly. He sighed into the wooden spatula he was holding. ‘Well, dinner’s nearly ready, so take a pew, pour yourself a glass of red and you can tell me all about it.

Rhys and Gwen lay on their sofa cuddling each other.

‘I just don’t know what this means for us now,’ said Gwen. ‘I’ve put my heart and soul into Torchwood and now I suddenly feel useless. Redundant. Nothing compared to the strength that they have.’

‘Don’t be ridiculous,’ scoffed Rhys, stroking her hair. ‘Torchwood owes you everything.’

She buried her face in his chest. Somewhere inside, she knew he was right, but her heart filled with loss. They were different now. Those boys. And she wasn’t one of them.

‘Plus, what happens if Harkness decides he gets bored? Eternity is one heck of a commitment for a man like him.’

Gwen grinned. It was a point, she supposed. Who was to know who was better off? She would live and die in her own world. What would become of Jack and Ianto? She frowned and Rhys felt her tense.

‘So do they have a Secret Society for Immortal people, then?’ asked Rhys, trying to lighten her mood.

‘Maybe,’ she smiled.

‘Bet they have a secret knock. Always wanted a secret knock, me.’

Gwen giggled into him. Ianto and Jack had forever, but she’d make sure that she and Rhys enjoyed the time they had. However long that would be.

Rhys felt her relax into him a bit more and kissed her head. ‘Besides,’ he said, simply. ‘You put your heart and soul into Torchwood. If the soul really is eternal, then you’ll be there with them too. And they won’t forget that.’

She allowed her eyes to drift closed and felt a sense of peace that had been long since missing. Time was a strange concept, she thought. However much you have of it, it’s really only ‘now’ that matters. Eternity doesn’t change that. She sank further into Rhys’s arms.

‘No,’ said Jack firmly. ‘I’m not risking it.’

Ianto pouted. Jack ignored him. ‘If you _happen_ to die and then _happen_ to come back or otherwise, _then_ we’ll know. But _no_ experiments.’

Ianto sighed and placed the pistol down on the worktop. It had only been a joke, inviting Jack to shoot him to see if he would die or not. Perhaps it wasn’t funny after all.

‘Sorry,’ he mumbled.

Jack answered him with a kiss. ‘So you should be. It’s no joke.’ But he was smiling warmly.

They hadn’t stopped gazing at each other since Gwen had left. Pure disbelief. Jack had lectured him on visiting the mysterious girl without telling him yet again. Then he’d cried. Then he’d started laughing and pulled Ianto into his arms, dancing with him around the table.

‘I can’t believe this,’ said Jack. ‘You’re going to love the 30th century. I used to read stuff from that era all the time. I had my own 3076 vintage cowboy boots.’

‘There are cowboys in the year 3076?’ asked Ianto, his eyebrows reaching his hairline.

‘Of course,’ answered Jack as if it were a stupid question. Then a shadow fell over him. ‘Hang on,’ he said, thinking hard. ‘Will you age?’

Ianto bit his lip. ‘Er, no.’

Jack looked rather miffed about that. ‘Well people in 3076 will probably assume I’m your dad.’

Ianto giggled. ‘Well, some people in 2009 already think you’re my dad.’ He dodged a swat from Jack and affectionately pulled him in close by the braces. ‘I should dress you younger, maybe,’ he teased.

Jack pouted and tried not to think about botox. But then Ianto was kissing him and nothing mattered.

‘Let’s go to bed!’ said Jack cheerfully.

‘I don’t need to sleep. I’m invincible,’ said Ianto sitting on the table and swinging his legs.

‘Who said anything about sleep?’ chirped Jack. ‘Immortal sex; been _dying_ to try it!’

They fell about laughing. Even the hub seemed brighter, as if it was happy for them. When the laughter subsided, they realised that all they wanted was to be as close as possible to one another.

‘Right, sir,’ said Ianto, straightening his tie. ‘I’ll clear up one or two things here and then I expect to find you in position when I join you in the hatch.’

Jack raised an eyebrow. ‘Oh do you, now?’ But his eyes betrayed lust. ‘See you in ten.’

Ianto smirked. He walked into Jack’s office and picked up one or two files, just tidying them away. He didn’t supposed that sort of behaviour would disappear any time soon, even if he did have the rest of time to clear up.

But his hand grazed over a file. Dylan Lloyd. Guilt suddenly gripped him. He was still a murderer. He filed it neatly in Jack’s on-going folder and steadily made his way downstairs.

Jack was only half way out of his shirt. ‘Hey!’ he complained. ‘That wasn’t ten minutes.’ But then he saw Ianto’s expression. ‘What? What is it?’

‘Tell me, Jack,’ said Ianto heavily, sitting down on the bed. ‘Tell me how to live with this. What I’ve done.’

‘What’s brought this on?’

‘I forgot. For, I don’t know, maybe two hours. Then what? Two days? Two years. I killed someone, Jack.’

Jack gently sat down next to him. ‘You really want to know?’ he asked with an edge to his voice.

Ianto’s eyes met his firmly. ‘Yes.’

Jack sighed. ‘I’ve done some terrible things, Ianto. Killed people. Executed them. Sometimes I believed it was for the greater good. Sometimes it may have been fear. Even, on occasion, convenience.’ He shuddered. He looked back at Ianto. ‘I’m no angel,’ he said.

‘I know,’ said Ianto, smiling. ‘But you have such goodness in you, Jack.’

‘As do you,’ whispered Jack. ‘It’s not good people and bad people, Ianto. It’s choices and responsibility.’

Ianto swallowed. Jack _had_ killed people. And he had full control over his mind and body when he had chosen to do that. He frowned at the floor.

‘Is that why you do this, then?’ asked Ianto. ‘To make amends. Because you have the knowledge and ability to help, so you can’t walk away?’

‘Something like that.’ Jack’s eyes were sad.

Ianto knew how The Doctor had changed his life. Forever. And then abandoned him. But Ianto wouldn’t do that. He smiled to himself, a little smugly, at the idea of meeting that Doctor again and seeing the look on his face when he found out that Ianto had become immortal. He surely wouldn’t approve. There would be trouble. He held Jack’s hand.

Jack took a deep breath. ‘If I can live with what I’ve done in my time, then you certainly can, Ianto,’ he said softly. ‘And now you have no time limit in which to make amends. To make a difference.’ He grinned and Ianto grinned with him. ‘We can save the world, you and me. For as long as possible.’

Ianto nodded. ‘Yes.’ He stroked Jack’s hair. They shared an intense but wonderful silence.

Eventually, Ianto cleared his throat. ‘So,’ he said. ‘This immortal sex…’

Jack tensed slightly but sent Ianto a lopsided grin. The wounds were still there, but they would heal together.

Ianto continued to stroke his hair. ‘We have all the time in the world,’ he breathed.


	31. Chapter 31

Ianto lay in bed, with Jack’s arms around him. Despite their impossible situation, things felt normal. They _were_ normal. They’d be normal forever. Him and Jack. Together.

He glanced up at Jack. He wasn’t asleep either. Neither of them needed sleep but it was nice. Refreshing to have a sleep. But sleep wasn’t happening yet.

Jack smiled at him. ‘Pondering your immortality.’

‘Sort of.’ He sighed. ‘Jack, we need to redecorate in here.’

‘Redecorate? What the hell’s wrong with it?’

Ianto gave him a stern look. ‘I am not spending eternity in a place with grey walls. And I want a bigger bed.’

Jack held up his hands in surrender. ‘All right, all right. But good luck getting a bigger bed down that ladder.’

Ianto frowned.

‘But,’ continued Jack. ‘We _could_ make your place our home.’

‘Will you be any more keen to spend nights there now?’

Jack shrugged. ‘I’ll move my stuff in. We should hire a night watchman for this place.’

‘Won’t we get noticed living at my place for forever?’

Jack shrugged. ‘So we’ll move every twenty years. No biggie.’

Ianto smiled and pressed his face into Jack’s chest. ‘It’s going to be so different now, isn’t it?’

Jack kissed Ianto on the top of his head. ‘No matter what, you’re always going to be my boy.’

Ianto smiled and snuggled into Jack as far as he could. ‘Forever,’ he breathed. Then he closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.

The year 2323. Cardiff. Two figures stood on the roof of the New Millennium Centre. They were watching the hubbub below in the Roald Dahl Plass. Business as usual.

‘I remember the first time we fell off this roof together,’ said Jack, wistfully.

‘It’s not the same roof,’ pointed out Ianto. ‘They re-built it after the first Rift War.’

‘Whatever,’ muttered Jack. ‘Remember running away from that zombie ghost thing?’

‘Vividly,’ answered Ianto. He turned to Jack and smiled. The older man had grown a few grey hairs here and there but neatly covered them up with highlights and he still clung to his RAF coat, though had been persuaded not to wear it out in the heat of that day. Ianto had remained the same twenty-five year old he was over two hundred years ago. And he could still fit into skinny jeans.

Jack looked back at him with a grin. ‘It’s weird coming back here after all this time. Knowing this is where it all began. Now there are so many Torchwoods on this planet. But this one will always be home.’

They held hands, standing in silence for some time.

‘Well, then,’ said Ianto. ‘Shall we do what we came here to do?’

‘Yep.’

They made their way down to the plass, walking past various groups of people. Ianto bought some fresh flowers at a stall whilst Jack fought the urge to buy an ice-cream. Time had taught him his waistline was not immortal. They continued walking.

No one was looking at the small iron statue. It was the shape of a woman. They came to a stop in front of it. Ianto knelt down and placed the flowers at the foot of the statue.

‘Just wanted to say thanks. Again,’ he whispered. He stood up and Jack put an arm around his waist. They leant into each other. Solid.

The plaque read: ‘In memory of the bravery of Gwen Cooper-Williams, 1978-2023, who gave her life so that we could live on. Cardiff, and planet Earth, salutes you.’

They cried softly, together, remembering.

‘Feels like yesterday,’ choked Ianto. Jack nodded. He couldn’t speak. It really did feel like yesterday.

They held silence for her. Just for her. They held each other and gazed at her statue. There were others too. All of them. Every single member of Torchwood would survive inside them, because they would remember.

Ianto had all the names written down. He swore he would never forget. Not ever.

They moved on, holding each other’s hands. They sat on the big thick steps and gazed around at the people. All the changes and yet, it was still Cardiff, still home.

Ianto still liked to people-watch. Only now, there were so many different _types_ of people. The great and bountiful human empire. Rich and diverse.

Ianto liked the Ardun-humans best. They looked almost ordinary; human shaped, except for the fire which glowed constantly from their skin. Ianto thought they were the most beautiful sub-species ever.

‘Careful,’ said Jack, catching him looking. ‘Or you’ll inspire me to take one home with us.’

Ianto smiled. ‘Not today.’ He leaned against Jack and smiled as he saw the people noticing them. They were famous these days.

They stood and walked slowly up onto the high level to stand and watch the water lapping under the pale glow of the sun. Ianto gazed down at the walkway below them and remembered all those moments, so long ago. He remembered so many things: waiting there to impress Jack with coffee; Jack yelling at him at precisely 7:01 for being late for his first day; getting ambushed with a kiss in the dark, by Jack of course.

‘What are you grinning at?’ Jack asked him.

‘Oh, nothing. Just remembering stuff,’ Ianto sighed dreamily and rested his head on Jack’s shoulder.

‘Oh, yeah. Like the time we had sex underwater and embarrassed the fish? It was way too cold for that. Or the time you locked me out of the hub for forgetting your birthday? Remember when you fell off the invisible lift and I peed myself laughing? You bounced!’

Ianto frowned as Jack carried on.

‘And what about the time…’

Ianto quickly silenced him with a kiss, generating some giggling from a nearby group of young girls.

‘He's mine,’ stated Jack firmly.

The sun was setting behind them, the heat of the sun diminishing along with its light. They turned and walked slowly away, letting it go dark around them.

‘We should go,’ said Jack. ‘Back to work. As ever.’

Ianto shook his head. ‘Not yet.’ He held Jack’s hand tight. ‘Just a little longer, cariad.’

Jack grinned. ‘All right, my love. A while longer.’

They wandered slowly away, taking in the quiet of their old home.

‘Shops are all closed,’ Ianto murmured. ‘All quiet now.’ He seemed wistful.

Jack squeezed his hand. ‘Only until the pubs and clubs start getting packed.’

Ianto smiled. ‘Nothing changes.’

They wandered back up to the roof of the New Millennium Centre and stood there gazing at the darkening sky. It was so quiet.

‘Don’t like the silence,’ whispered Jack.

Ianto smiled and reached into the pocket of his slim blue jeans. ‘Then let’s have some music.’ He stroked his thumb across his tiny music player and immediately music drifted out of the quality speakers. He slipped it back into his pocket and pulled Jack close as the music filled the air around them.

The lyrics began and Jack turned his face into Ianto’s neck and breathed him in as the soft music washed over them, reminding them of that which had brought them here.

_I said mama, he’s crazy and he scares me  
But I want him by my side  
Though he’s wild and he’s bad  
And sometimes just plain mad  
I need him to keep me satisfied  
  
I said papa, don’t cry cause its alright  
And I see you in some of his ways  
Though he might not give me the life that you wanted  
Ill love him the rest of my days  
  
Misguided angel hanging over me  
Heart like a Gabriel, pure and white as ivory  
Soul like a Lucifer, black and cold like a piece of lead  
Misguided angel, love you ‘til I’m dead  
  
I said brother, you speak to me of passion_

_You said never to settle for nothing less  
Well, its in the way he walks,  
Its in the way he talks  
His smile, his anger and his kisses  
  
I said sister, don’t you understand?   
He’s all I ever wanted in a man  
I’m tired of sitting around the T.V. every night  
Hoping I’m finding a Mr. right  
  
Misguided angel hanging over me  
Heart like a Gabriel, pure and white as ivory  
Soul like a Lucifer  
Black and cold like a piece of lead  
Misguided angel, love you ‘til I’m dead  
  
He says baby, don’t listen to what they say  
There comes a time when you have to break away  
He says baby there are things we all cling to all our life  
Its time to let them go and become my wife  
  
Misguided angel hanging over me  
Heart like a Gabriel, pure and white as ivory  
Soul like a Lucifer  
Black and cold like a piece of lead  
Misguided angel, love you ‘til I’m dead_

‘My angel,’ Jack murmured, kissing Ianto’s neck softly. ‘Sometimes I think she sent you for me, to be with me always.’

Ianto didn’t need to ask who. She was the giver of Jack’s mortality. Jack thanked her now. But Ianto had another to thank. Her bloom forever youthful, just like him. Only his eyes betrayed his age. But beneath all that, they were just two boys, no longer lost.

Ianto caressed Jack’s cheek as the song finished. ‘Love you ‘til I’m dead,’ he whispered.

Jack smiled and his eyes were bright. He turned his head to kiss Ianto’s hand. ‘Forever,’ he murmured.

Ianto nodded. ‘Forever.’

They swayed each other as another song began. They gazed out up at the stars above them and knew that things would be all right forever, because they would have each other, until the end of time.

‘We are all in the gutter,’ Ianto whispered as he breathed in the sweetness that was Jack.

Jack grinned, knowing exactly how the quote was to finish. He dipped Ianto so he could see nothing but the stars behind Jack’s head.

Jack beamed at him, blue eyes sparkling. ‘But some of us are looking at the stars.’

_Maybe I don't really want to know  
How your garden grows   
I just want to fly _

_Lately did you ever feel the pain  
In the morning rain   
As it soaks it to the bone   
  
Maybe I just want to fly   
I want to live I don't want to die   
Maybe I just want to breathe   
Maybe I just don't believe   
Maybe you're the same as me   
We see things they'll never see   
You and I are gonna live forever   
  
Maybe I don't really want to know   
How your garden grows   
I just want to fly _

_Lately did you ever feel the pain  
In the morning rain   
As it soaks it to the bone   
  
Maybe I will never be   
All the things that I want to be   
But now is not the time to cry   
Now's the time to find out why   
I think you're the same as me   
We see things they'll never see   
You and I are gonna live forever   
We're gonna live forever   
Gonna live forever   
Live forever   
Forever_


End file.
